Monday, May 31, 2004

Oops! Just Stepped In A Pile Of Pride. . .

You haven't been graced by a 'Spicer Rant' for a whole week now. I hope I haven't sent any of you into convulsions from the withdrawal you may be having. I've sort been on the MIA because of some really aching ribs. If your asking, 'What's wrong with your ribs?" then obviously you skipped the enthralling read that is Log v. Body. I do understand that several paragraphs can be a scary thing and I understand if rather than reading it you curled into a ball begging for your teddy. I like my teddy too. For those who refuse to read it, all you need to know is I gave my ribs a sound beating courtesy of flipping into a log. Since that day, my ribs have been more of a nag than a pal. The thing that really took me out of commission was the fact that I still worked at the beginning of the week rather than rest like my doctor had asked. By the time Thursday waltzed in, I wasn't even capable of crawling out of bed (though crawling out of a top bunk usually results in a slight drop).

My master plan, was to pretend that I wasn't hurt at all and to continue to work all week. Most people had their suspicions especially when I grunted in pain everytime I moved. Actually, most said it was a painful experience just watching me. If I had to watch me than I would be in pain too because everything I did was agony. Yet I decided to try to suck it up and work. Surprise, surprise but continuing to work only made things worse. My attempt to try to keep on working in order to help Medeba left me in a spot where I couldn't even lay in bed without crying like a baby who dropped his suck toy. Hindsight says, my strategy sucked.

Here's a little secret, I hate asking for help. I hate looking like I need help. Most of all, I hate thinking that I may be letting someone down. There isn't much worse in my eyes than disappionting someone. In my eyes, I'd rather crawl around in utter agony than think that I wasn't able to do my duty. Sitting here today, I need admit that is a weakness. For the longest time I had convinced myself that is a strength of mine. No matter what, I'd push myself to do the job. Now I realize, sometimes the right thing is to admit you can't do it.

I learned that those moments where I think I am being a hero I'm actually being a big idiot. I've found myself stepping in a big pile of pride and allowing my ego to do the dictating. This week of reflection has shown me that I wasn't helping anyone. It wasn't about being loyal or hardworking. It was being stubborn and prideful. I was afraid about looking bad. The truth is, in the end I never looked worse.

2 comments:

  1. Good job!!! You admitted it! I'm really proud of you, just don't be afraid to ask for help, any one of us would be glad at ANY time do to ANYTHING for you, or at least i would. Heal quickly, we still love you even if you can't belay somebody for awhile.

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  2. And yet... he still keeps working a week after he writes this... or has it been longer. your in pain dear your getting sicker take your own advice SUCK up the pride and go lay down for a day or two so you CAN work better then before. STOP lieing it makes baby jesus cry and we don't want to do that. Take care of that temple and don't run it to the grond God created a day of rest for a reason. he DID design us that way to REST to REJUVINATE our bodies so they can continue to function at a HEALTHY level! so yah SUCK IT UP.... suck up the pride NOT the pain and listen to the signals your body was designed to give to let you know when it need som R & R
    LOVE YA!!!!!

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