Monday, November 22, 2004

Till Death Do Us Part or When We Get Bored. . .

First things first, the reason for the week long absence was that I was back home in my old stomping ground of Brantford. My dear, close, personal friend was about to embark on a truly amazing adventure because as of Saturday he started his life with his beautiful wife. It was a sheer pleasure to be the best man for this special occasion. It was quite moving to see the tears in his eyes while he watched his beatiful bride walk down the aisle. I could feel the true love he had for her. I've said it many times on Saturday but I will now say it in blog form, Congratulations Tim and Carolyn!

I'm sincere in all I typed up there. As happy as I was for the day of my friend's wedding, I've also heard some really sad news lately. Over the last few months, I've been informed of the end of several marriages. One marriage is a little over a year old and another marriage invovled children in the mix. That is a sobering thought. A very sad thought. An even sadder thought when you realize all these marriages are of Christian couples. Couples that should know the sanctity of marriage. As Christians, we are supposed to know how sacred that bond is and how only death should be the reason it ends. But it isn't. It takes much less to end a marriage.

Boredom. Or losing the loving feeling. Or finding someone else who makes one feel so much better. Or realizing the person isn't who one dreamt them to be. Or maybe the person was exactly who one thought they were but one was hoping they'd magically change after the wedding day. Something out of a fairy tale, where your pumpkin is now a chariot. Unfortunately, real life works more like when the clock strikes midnight and everything turns back to reality. The love of one's life turns out to be a smelly rat.

A lot is put into the love feelings. People really like warm fuzzies. People really like to have a heavy attraction to someone. But what does one do when that is all over??? What happens when the feelings start to fade? The person one wakes up to just ends up being the norm rather than an adventure? What do we do then?

Love is work. The love of the movies is a fantasy. The feelings that make one feel like they are flying or on top of the world is a fantasy too. They aren't real. Those feelings don't last. Those feelings might not even mean this is the person one is to be with. I've heard that it is more important to like someone than love someone. Marriage has a better chance to work if the person is a friend rather than a lover.

So, are we to give up on the magic feelings? Is there to be no romance? There is one thing I know. My parents love each other more now than they did when they got married. I know my parents are madly in love. My parents still go out on weekend dates. I think that is a pretty impressive thing for people who have been married for 27 plus years. I obviously believe that passion and love and feelings can be in marriage.

It takes work. It takes work to keep love and feelings in a marriage. Sadly, it seems soceity doesn't want to take work. They would rather start over and find someone new. That is such a sad thing. Such a horrible example for the children that are growing up watching there parents. Nothing is sadder than seeing a loveless marriage. Maybe it happend because the couple rushed into marriage. They let feelings dictate everything. Unfortunately, marriage is real and it can't be some fantasy.

I believe there can be magic in marriage. I also believe people need to take marriage more seriously. Not to rush into it. Once they are in marriage, they take there wedding vows seriously. That they are with their mate through sickness, poorness and bad times. They truly love the person even when they don't want to. Because than, the real magic can begin.

That's your rant on marriage from a guy whose only taste of it is from observation. But I've had one of the greatest couples to observe when I was growing up. Two people who still truly love each other.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous5:23 pm

    there is much to be said when the christian communities divorce rate is in some cases higher (if not the same) as that as the secular world. have we lost the meaning of the world 'LOVE'? when the Bible talks about husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church, the word he was using is 'unconditional love'....loving someone WITHOUT condition, no strings attached, no matter what they do!! thats not to say you can't have all the mushy gushy stuff too. in countries where marriages are arranged, they do not understand what we have to look forward to in the life of a marriage. since we have 'fallen in love'...whats next? they see their way as much more exciting in that they have their whole marriage to 'fall in love' with each other. i'm not advocating arranged marriage in any way, i just think there is much to be learned from them. enough of this rant. good writing chris.

    -k

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