Monday, January 17, 2005

The Ultimate Victors in the Ultimate Battle. . .

The results of my quiz had some very disappionting results. I'm not talking about the scores because most of the crazy quiz had some pretty random questions. Though I claim to this very moment that each one had a real truth behind it. That doesn't really matter. The real disturbance came with the final question in the quiz. Who would win in a fight between Pirates, Ninjas, Jedis and Ghostbusters? I was appalled with how many people got that question incorrect. What is the schools teaching noawadays? Has our educational system sunken so low? That we as a world, no longer know who would win in the ultimate battle of all ultimates? It saddens me to no end. So, as the ever dear friend I will break down to you a quick lesson on all 4 combatants.

Pirates - They don't shower. They like to dig up lots of holes. Some only have one eye. The not showering makes them smell. But they have weapons coming out of the wazoo which makes them a might dangerous. Don't forget their habit to pillage. The especially dangerous ones come in undead form like in Pirates of the Caribbean -- which is a really great movie for all who wondered. Plus pirates are responsible for one of the world's greatest computer games entitled Monkey Island. Well, they didn't make the game because Pirates don't tend to be technologically gifted. If Pirates never existed then the game wouldn't have any characters in it. Then the world wouldn't have Guybrush Threepwood -- wannabe Pirate extradinoire! But this isn't about a really amazing computer game but this is about the ultimate battle. Pirates can make you walk planks and shiver your timber but can they really win it all?

Ninjas - They wear pajamas. Some of my friends even know that I possess the sacred ninja costume. There is a website that tells you all about their awesome awesomeness. Despite not getting changed once they wake up, they still know how to bring the damage. They chop, swing, kick and spit. Do you want to mess with that? Not me. No way! Plus they chop Pirates heads off and we know how tough Pirates are. You know because I told you. Remember?

Jedis - Do I even have to explain? Have you seen Star Wars? The force! Lightsabers! The force! Ligh. . . okay, I'm repeating myself. Do you really want to mess with these guys? Jabba did and now he is dead. No one crosses the path of the Jedis. They are like Ninjas except they get changed after sleeping. Plus they can choke you from across the room. Have you seen the lightsabers!!!! When I was a kid, I thought they were called livesavers. I don't think tossing donut shaped candies at your enemy is as fearsome. Seriously, they can chop off the heads of Ninjas and Pirates.

Ghostbusters - They have really cool zappy guns that help trap Ghosts. So, they can totally take out those undead Pirates. ZAP! Plus they come out to really cool theme music. Who you going call?!? GHOSTBUSTERS!!! I would call them but I don't have their number. The thing with Ghostbusters is that they are just these nerdy scientists. I've seen nerds before and they don't win fights. If they lose those gun then they will surely have their heads cut off. But at least, we all know their theme music rocks the socks!

So now consider yourself educated. Or just consider me a geek with way too much time on my hands. Let the Force be with you and chop off those bad guys' heads!

2 comments:

  1. just have to say.....look at my score for your quiz. booyah!!

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  2. Okay, only slightly off topic, and I'm not really paying attention here. I'm like the drunk guy that tries to help by being really loud.

    This is a plug for a flash cartoon, it's funny, and it will clearly resolve at least part of the above question. Or not. It's about a Pirate Lawyer who prosecutes Ninjas with litigation.

    http://www.viciouscyclone.com/Adz/Ad003.htmlAnd this next one is also funny, but it has nothing to do with anything:

    http://www.viciouscyclone.com/Adz/Ad004.htmlAs far as I know, there are no jedi lawyers or ghostbuster lawyers. This proves the inherent Superiority, or Inferiority, of Pirates due to their having a whole legal subclass.

    Ninjas, Pirates, etc,

    -- Bo

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