Friday, September 30, 2011

The Top Ten Reasons I Should Have My Own Reality Show

1. We've got reality shows about washed up actors, wedding planners, truck drivers, Mormons, alligator hunters, bounty hunters, hoarders, pawn shop owners, and orange goblins, but our televisions are yet to introduce us to the exciting world of freelance writing. Imagine watching the freelance writer roll out of bed, contemplate the flavour of coffee he'll drink, wander into his home office, furiously type away while sitting at his desk, occasionally scratch his ass, stop to think about getting a snack, then get that snack, and then type some more!. Nothing else on TV can offer this type of viewing experience.

2. Pets = ratings.

3. I'll finally have video proof of how much ice cream I really consume during the day. Or even better, I can judge the progression of ice cream's effect by comparing the premiere episode me to the finale episode me.

4. Playboy Club would no longer be the most likely to be cancelled first.

5.
It can be educational, because watching me in a half hour episode would finally erase any doubts that the "writer's life" is in any way glamorous.

6. I can end every single episode with a cliff-hanger. "Will he or won't he realize the yogurt has already expired?"

7. You'll finally realize that 99.9% of all the things I tweet about are complete lies (I really don't have a castle made of pop tarts nor do I ever ride a Unicorn on Tuesdays -- it's a Thursday thing).

8. I can invite guests to my house and then the TV audience can vote if I serve them roast chicken or cat food.

9. We'll finally end the debate on who really leaves the fan on in the bathroom (then I'll doctor the footage when it is revealed to be me).

10. Because I need something to pass the time while waiting for The Donald and the wealthy entertainment site to throw mountains of cash towards me.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous11:16 am

    Neppihp Ttam via Facebook:

    likes this.

    ReplyDelete