Thursday, December 06, 2012

10 Pet Peeves That Prove I'll be a Crusty Old Hermit

I need to face the facts.  The older I get, then the more cranky and ornery I become.  If I'm lucky I'll become the crabby old man who shakes his cane and screams for kids to get away from his lawn.  I realize I'm actually more likely to end up being the unwashed crazy with a tin foil hat and lives in a broken down shack.  No matter what, I need to accept that I am becoming a curmudgeon. 

I've already whined and moaned on this site about a few things that raise my blood pressure and cause me to shake my fist.  Well, here are ten more things that irritate me, and prove that maybe I just don't belong around people.

1.  Organizations that don't understand phone technology from the past 2 decades.  There is a certain university, which likely wants a certain amount of donations because a certain person decided to pay them money to attend their institution, that now calls our house every other day usually right around the time we're either putting Everett to bed or just got him settled down.  We've never answered the phone, but somehow we always know it is them calling.  Are we a family of psychics (soon to have their own TLC show called You Can Read My Mind, But Still Don't Take Out the Trash?)?  No, we have this little technology called call display.  This means we never answer the phone for people that we don't want to talk to.  Since I know there is such a thing called call display, then I also know that if I call a certain house at the same time every other day to no answer then they're either screening my calls or they're never home at that time.  If only there was a way that one could leave a message for this person who never picks up the phone.

2.  When customers are apparently too busy to hand their money to the hardworking clerk.  I thankfully haven't worked at a cash register for a very long time, but my time in front of that machine has made me sympathetic to all those in customer service.  This is why I get pissed off every time a customer can't be bothered to hand money right over to the cashier, but instead has to drop it on the counter.  I am assuming the person buying the coffee is in such a rush that they just don't have the time to place the money in the waiting hand of the cashier, but instead must treat them like their lowly peasant as they chuck the cash in their general direction.  Except this action just proves what a monumental moron they are, because they haven't saved any time at all.  Now, they have to wait for the poor server to pick up all the nickels off the counter before they can count them, and then finally serve the coffee.  You'd think that handing over the money would be faster since you now eliminated the "scrounging around for the loose change on the counter" stage.  Or do they throw the money on the counter, because they fear touching the hands of the server?  The very person who will be holding their coffee and not throwing it in their general direction.  If the server did do that, then maybe that would eliminate one annoyance off this list.

3.  When servers are annoyed that you want to pay for food late at night.  I don't tend to order food late at night.  There have been a few times that I enter a restaurant at a time far past dinner time, and the server seems annoyed that I chose their establishment as the place to deposit my money.  I remember once reading a venom fueled article by a server who was frustrated that someone would order a pizza at 11 at night, because they were too lazy to make food at home.  So, I have an easy solution for the travesty that is people actually being hungry late at night and actually believing they could order food rather than make it themselves.  Don't have the fucking restaurant open late at night, because otherwise, people will keep on being tricked that they can actually eat there.

4.  People who spend time composing lists of things they hate.  Think happy thoughts, you fool.

5.  When someone asks you a question, but they'd already decided on the answer.  "Hey, do you think I should wear boots?" "No, there are no puddles outside." "Yeah, but by the time I'm ready to go outside it will have likely rained.  I am going to wear them."  "Well, thank you so much for wasting my time with this pointless conversation."

6.  Demanding clients who want top notch work, but want to pay a writer slightly more than the cost of a pack of cigarettes.  I've quickly learned that freelance boards are 80% populated with cheap ass clients trying to sucker talented freelancers into jumping at their shit pay with promises of exposure and future riches.  There are some that are start-up companies that openly admit their pay is atrocious, and that they are barely able to pay themselves.  In those cases, I kindly let them know they can contact me again when they have enough money to pay for high quality work, because I am not a charity.  But then there are the clients that brag about their awesome $200.00 for an article, but then alert you that the article must be at least 1,000 words, will need thorough research, there must be several hour long interviews conducted, the writer must be willing to dance like a circus monkey upon request, and be willing to make 10 revisions to the whim of the finicky editor.  $200.00 is an awesome rate for something I can get done in around an hour, but pretty much the flaming missile of suck if it takes several days.

7.  One being passionately opinionated on a topic they don't know shit about.  Facebook is the home of endless diatribes about politics often being spouted by people who are only vaguely aware of the electoral process.  Despite one not really understanding politics or even bothering to learn about politics, they're more than happy to rant and rave about the subject and talk about how a particular politician is going to cause an Earth explosion.  If it isn't politics then they'll rant about major news events that they are only slightly aware happened, but damn do they ever have an opinion on it.  The best part is when people get all hot and steamy over an item of news that happens to be a hoax or a news parody.  Of course people getting suckered by lies almost never happens on the internet.

8.  Pushy, impatient, "always in a rush" people.  A salesperson is talking to a customer, and so you patiently wait for them to finish.  Your needs aren't any more important than the person being taken care of and you don't want to make the customer feel uncomfortable, so you wait a fair distance away but it is obvious you're waiting for them to finish.  Then "Superstar" Gus Rusherton blows past you and immediately jumps on the salesperson.  Gus doesn't bother asking if you were waiting or seem to even care.  Now you have to wait for him to tell his 20 minute story about his surround sound dreams and watch as he gallivants around the store with the carcass of the salesperson that you just wanted to point you towards where to find USB storage keys.  

9.  When a person mistakes me for a 4 year old child.  "You should really dip this meat into this special sauce and put salt on your potatoes and then wipe your lips, because it will taste better."  "I am not sure if this TV show is really appropriate viewing, and maybe you should watch Little House on the Prairie instead."  "Don't eat that hunk of fat, because it is bad for you.  You clearly don't understand what fat is, and so I'll explain it to you."  "Put this coat on because it is cold, and you obviously are not able to figure out what is a comfortable temperature for yourself."

10.  Shows with the words "war", "battle", and "warriors" in the title, but are not actually about any of those things.  Because when I think about auctions and cupcakes, the first thing that jumps into my mind is tanks and machine guns.

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