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Posted by
Christopher Spicer
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After 36 years of doing this living thing, I've learned I'm quite adept at making mistakes. So rather than wasting your time trying to espouse helpful tips, it makes more sense to deliver some really awful advice. You can follow these if you dare, especially if your goal in life is to get trapped in a well or eaten by a bear. Or you can see if you do already act upon some of these tidbits and discover that you're doing life wrong.
1. When you're surrounded by an army of trees and can't get a sense of direction then follow the sun because it always rises over a lake.
2. When you have urgent work to be finished and you must have complete focus then it is best to check out YouTube or turn on the TV as it gives off anti-distraction rays.
3. Wild animals love for you to stick your finger into their eyes, and it may be the very best way to connect with nature.
4. Any movie that has the tagline "from the makers of Paranormal Activity" always means you're about to see something provocative, fresh, and thrilling, so you should abandon all you're doing to go see it.
5. Once a month check your home's electricity by sticking a fork into an electrical outlet.
6. Any great conversation in history has involved one person texting to their other friends what they're eating, so always have a cell phone handy if you want memorable relationships.
7. People may be allergic to your kind of shampoo, so try avoid showering when you can.
8. Whistle.
9. The person who just broke up with you was likely your very last chance at ever having happiness and fulfillment, so you should eat gallons of ice cream, shatter all your plates, cry uncontrollably in public, and never stop talking about your ex for the next several years.
10. Most people don't trust perfection, so always half-ass whatever you do, because it makes friends.
1. When you're surrounded by an army of trees and can't get a sense of direction then follow the sun because it always rises over a lake.
2. When you have urgent work to be finished and you must have complete focus then it is best to check out YouTube or turn on the TV as it gives off anti-distraction rays.
3. Wild animals love for you to stick your finger into their eyes, and it may be the very best way to connect with nature.
4. Any movie that has the tagline "from the makers of Paranormal Activity" always means you're about to see something provocative, fresh, and thrilling, so you should abandon all you're doing to go see it.
5. Once a month check your home's electricity by sticking a fork into an electrical outlet.
6. Any great conversation in history has involved one person texting to their other friends what they're eating, so always have a cell phone handy if you want memorable relationships.
7. People may be allergic to your kind of shampoo, so try avoid showering when you can.
8. Whistle.
9. The person who just broke up with you was likely your very last chance at ever having happiness and fulfillment, so you should eat gallons of ice cream, shatter all your plates, cry uncontrollably in public, and never stop talking about your ex for the next several years.
10. Most people don't trust perfection, so always half-ass whatever you do, because it makes friends.
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I am a writer, so I write. When I am not writing, I will eat candy, drink beer, and destroy small villages.
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