Thursday, July 20, 2017

Ranking 2017 Movies So Far


I told myself that I wasn't going to do this again. I also told myself that I'd stop just doing podcast reviews of new releases and have a svelte army of kicking written reviews. I have done better this year with written reviews than the past. I think I have a whole spanking five or maybe even six written this year, and if all goes well, by the end of the year I might even enter into the double digits.

Except I'm now hoping yesterday's grand declaration was enough of a rocket booster to at least get me to do a few hundred word reviews of everything going forward into the forever and forever. Amen.

My brain gets all misfired and short-circuited if I don't have some type of spot to reveal what I've seen so far other than just the podcast. I am ranking from worse to best every 2017 movie that I've reviewed this year (and a few that the podcast missed).

It has been a pretty killer year so far, and it is shaping up to be one of the best since I started reviewing movies professionally (got paid) in 2012. Several of these movies deserve deeper and more thorough thoughts in the future, and some of them I hope to never ever see again. They all represent the year of 2017 in movie form. This list just like all things in the movie review realm can change on any given day, and it is almost assured that movies will swap places when I reveal my Top 10 (or 20) movies at the end of the year. This is how I feel about them at this very moment as I type this in my underwear (it is hot today, but not as sizzling as this list).

76. Deuces *
75. You Get Me *
74. Clinical *
73. Small Crimes *
72. The House *
71. Take the 10
70. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword *
69. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter *½
68. Going in Style *½
67. Baywatch
66. The Circle *½
65. Rough Night
64. iBoy **
63. XXX: Return of Xander Cage **
62. Underworld: Blood Wars **
61. Fist Fight **
60. In the Shadow of Iris **
59. Goon: The Last of the Enforcers **
58. David Brent: Life on the Road **
57. The Great Wall **
56. Girlfriend’s Day **
55. Sandy Wexler **
54. The Fate of the Furious **
53. Shimmer Lake **
52. The Discovery **
51. Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie **
50. War Machine **
49. A Cure for Wellness **
48. Most Hated Woman in America **
47. Coin Heist **
46. Nobody Speak: Trials of the Free Press **½
45. Kong: Skull Island **½
44. Ballerina **½
43. Win It All **½
42. Slam **½
41. Life **½
40. Before I Wake **½
39. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tells No Tales **½
38. Alien: Covenant **½
37. Despicable Me 3 **½
36. Deidra and Laney Rob a Train **½
35. Lucid Dream ***
34. Pandora ***
33. Casting JonBenet ***
32. Snatched ***
31. Journey to Greenland ***
30. Tramps ***
29. El Faro De Las Orcas ***
28. The 101 Year Old Man Who Skipped Out on the Bill and Disappeared ***
27. Joshua: Teenager vs. Superpower ***
26. Counterpunch ***
25. Rodney King ***
24. I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore ***
23. Before I Fall ***
22. Burning Sands ***
21. To the Bone ***
20. Cars 3 ***
19. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie ***
18. John Wick: Chapter 2 ***
17. The LEGO Batman Movie ***
16. The Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 ***
15. Chasing Coral ***
14. Megan Leavey ***½
13. Oh, Hello On Broadway ***½
12. Imperial Dreams  ***½
11. Split ***½
10. Beauty and the Beast ***½
9. Okja ***½
8. The Girl with All the Gifts ***½
7. Get Out ***½
6. Wonder Woman ***½
5.  Spider-Man: Homecoming ***½
4. Baby Driver ***½
3. Logan ***½
2. War for the Planet of the Apes ****
1. The Big Sick ****

EDIT: The initial ranking was missing the number 8 movie, The Girl with All the Gifts.

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