The International House of Spicer

Parenting Hasn't Always Been Raining Skittles and Dancing Pandas

2012-02-15T07:41:00.002-05:00

I like to brag how awesome my son is, and how this parenting deal has turned out to be much easier than many people made me fear. But that isn't to say it has been a non stop party of pop tart castles and dancing pandas. Oh no, there was definitely a tough adjusting period as a new parent. I discuss that very thing in today's "Dad's Eye View" column. So, go read that, and then when you're done you can try to find a panda to dance with. It really is almost as awesome as being a parent to Everett.

Reheated Valentine's Day Thoughts

2012-02-14T13:35:00.002-05:00

I was going to write a piece on Valentine's Day, and I may still, but I've got some pay copy that really needs to be finished. It needs to be finished now because I'll be jetting out of the house early to be doing some Valentine's festivating with my beautiful wife. Because I like to celebrate Valentine's Day by letting my wife know I love her. I usually do it through fancy dinners and gifts. Yes, I'm playing right into Corporate America's trap. But I don't care. It makes my wife feel special, and that is never a bad thing even on overly marketed holidays.

Valentine's Day gets a pretty unfair rap. It has to be the most beat on of all "holidays", despite not doing anything much different than the others (well, except for not giving you a day off unless you call in sick). I talked about that very thing last year. So, you can go read that, and if I have time, maybe I'll throw in some 2012 thoughts later.

My Lively Thoughts on The Walking Dead Mid-Season Premiere

2012-02-13T17:12:00.002-05:00

Does your head explode when you read spoilers for a show that has already been nationally televised? Do you hate it when your head explodes? Well, you might want to skip this post then.

So yeah, I only watched about a whole 4 minutes of the Grammys, because I was far more stoked for new episodes of Once Upon a Time and The Walking Dead. I've been eagerly anticipating new episodes of The Walking Dead for almost two months now. I really didn't feel like waiting until it stumbled upon an on-demand service. I wanted my zombies, and I wanted them ASAP.

Well, except that there weren’t a lot of zombies. There were plenty of zombie corpses, but very little in the zombie action. Actually, there wasn't a lot of "action" in this episode. I've read that despite the show getting record ratings for AMC that they've cut the budget in half this season. It means they need to minimize the need for special effects, which probably is why we get episodes like this one where the zombies essentially take a vacation.

It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. This episode was all about the fallout from Shane's freak out at the barn and the discovery the little girl has been stumbling about the barn for the entire second season. It was an episode that has dropped a lot of hints for potential big storylines in the future. For example, Shane is becoming more insane, and Dale is probably right in saying he's just teetering over the brink when it comes to killing another human. It's also interesting that Dale has Shane figured out, but no one else is willing to believe that Shane would kill someone or is really dangerous. The crazy part is that there were a few key characters that agreed with Shane's decision to unleash the zombies and take part in a game of "Off the Walkers." I'm predicting that we are going to see a split in the group where you have a Rick faction and a Shane faction. It's a pretty cool prospect and a lot of potential for some cool future storylines. Or it could go the other way, the Shane sympathizers aren't willing to fully drink the Kool-Aid and they finally realize what a nut bar he really is -- which would likely lead to an even more delightful meltdown from Shane (only in television can a meltdown be something I look forward to witnessing).

Rick seems to have got himself some trouble too. In the tensest part of the show, Rick offed himself some outsiders who didn't appear to be honest in what they're claiming. They likely have some friends, and friends that may not be totally enthused to hear their buddies are now riddled with bullets. Rick and pals may have a pack of both zombies and angry thugs to worry about. Of course, Rick is also completely unaware that his wife is currently handing upside down in a car, and just waiting for some zombies to make a visit.

The final scene is also interesting in that Rick is now the other character that is responsible for killing humans. He's got desensitized in killing walkers, but now it seems like he doesn't struggle much with shooting a human beings either. Of course, it was out of self defense and you're to believe these guys were just bringing the trouble. This final scene seemed to book end an episode that was all about break downs (assuming you agree Rick lost it just a tad at the end).

You have Hershel who ran off to town to get himself drunk. He has realized the zombies aren't just sick humans but actually dangerous "monsters." It still had to be hard to see his wife and step son get shot and essentially, killed a second time. I think the part that really drove him over the edge was when he realized he'd been spending all those months hoping for a cure that wouldn't exist, and also spending man power "rescuing" and feeding the undead. It wasn't a good day for poor Hershel and I can't blame him too much for resorting back to the drink.

On top of Hershel's big break down, you also have Darryl and the girl's mother totally cutting themselves off from everyone else. Again, this is a pretty believable response since the entire first half of the season they were devoted to finding the girl and keeping home she was alive. She wasn't. It was a pretty big emotional hit to both, and I look forward to seeing if they can recover or will take an even deeper emotional descent.

It wasn't a blow away return episode. I missed my The Walking Dead, and I was just happy to have something fresh. This was an episode all about setting up the future storylines for the rest of season. There seems to be a lot of promise and a lot of major issues to be resolved. You'll have the big action in town where Rick has to protect himself from the outsiders, while also eventually needing to rescue his wife (or she'll have to fight her way out without anyone knowing where she is stuck). Then you have the intriguing friction between the two sides (pro Shane/anti Shane), as well as the emotional descent of a whole crew of characters. The character development has been pretty realistic so far, or at least, it is how I would believe people would be responding to a world filled with zombies (I don't have much experience).

It has given me a taste of what should be a delicious gourmet meal. I am predicting an action packed second half to the season, and hopefully, some more appearances from our beloved walkers -- after all, the show is named after them.

Anyone else decide to pick zombies over musicians last night?

Yet Another Advantage of Having a Blog if You're a Freelance Writer

2012-02-13T10:31:00.011-05:00

I started this blog as nothing more than a place to vent and rant to the world back in 2004. I turned this blog into a daily ritual in 2010, because I knew it would be a good place to hone my craft while I tried to make a serious run as a freelance writer. I believe blogs are a valuable thing for freelance writers because not only is it a place to practice writing while also gaining some exposure, but it allows you the freedom to write about what you want (since paid work is often going to be writing things your client or publisher wants). I've said before that this blog has had a positive effect on my writing career, but I've also never heavily relied on it being my main source of landing writing jobs. If I really wanted this blog to be the launching pad into writing stardom then I'd have to turn into a niche blog that appeals to whatever form of writing I wanted to make my main source of income. But I don't want to do that. I like this blog just being a place where I write whatever I feel like writing about.

Despite that stubbornness, this blog has paid off for me. It has landed me jobs. It has been a good place to show people my writing style. A writing style many seem to enjoy, because my reader base has grown past just my wife and a couple of friends.

Sometimes, this blog even becomes a source of income. This is when it is really valuable to constantly churn out fresh content. Yesterday was one of those times that the blog did its part in earning its keep around this place. There were a few sites that liked my Whitney Houston tribute and were willing to buy the rights to publish it on their site. I'm always happy to sell my blog posts, so that other sites can spread my rantings and ravings to a new audience (and you know, earn more money).

One of the sites was my good friends at the Collective Publishing Company. I want to point them out specifically, because they really are a fine site that doesn't get the attention they deserve. I've written for them several times over the past year, and they pay really well for a site that isn't incredibly well known. But they deserve to be well known. I'd love for you all to pass on the word, and check them out. I'm not just saying that because this is the second time they've purchased one of the posts from this blog.

This is some proof why a blog is great for a freelance writer. I'm not saying you should expect people to suddenly barge down your door and throw money at you to buy one of your posts. I am saying that a blog can be rewarding. It can be rewarding in the way that you just get to write about things you love and care about. It can be rewarding in that you start gaining some loyal readers. Sometimes it can even allow you to break into markets that you may not have been able get into without the blog.

And it can even be rewarding in the form of sweet, sweet, sweet cash money. Of course, that type of rewarding usually doesn't happen without connections and proper promotion of your blog. In the case of the Whitney Houston tribute, I actually didn't promote the piece very hard. But I have spent the time building a relationship with many sites and publishers. So, when I do write a piece, then it is more likely they'll come across it and be willing to express their interest in the form of money (or a job offer to write something else for money).

So there you go. Another real life example of why having a blog is awesome. Or at least, why it is awesome for me. I can't actually promise the same results or experiences for you. If you do like to write, I think it is important to have a place where you can write for yourself and still have the public read it. Your blog/site will eventually yield some rewards in some form, which will either be personal satisfaction or (fingers crosses) monetary success.

RIP Whitney Houston: Losing a Music Icon

2012-02-12T07:39:00.003-05:00

If you've been on the internet for more than 30 seconds, then you likely now know that Whitney Houston passed away yesterday.

It is one of those sad situations that I'm surprised, but not really that surprised. She was only 48 years old, which is far too young. But she has also had a several decades long battle with drug and alcohol addiction. It is an incredibly tragic story, and an ending that many likely saw coming but never wanted to believe. Now of course, the cause of death isn't actually in, and so I'd rather not harp too long on what are the believed causes (a body battered by years of abuse). It is sad that such an incredibly talented singer was so plagued by addictions and personal demons. Whitney Houston was definitely one of the singers that defined an era in music, and her legacy will remain forever. It may be a tragic story, but she has left behind many positive memories.

I had a huge crush on Whitney Houston in the late 80s/early 90s. I knew she was over a decade older than me, and about a million miles out of my dating range, but you don't worry about such things when you have a celebrity crush. I never loyally listened to her music or owned any of her albums, but I always recognized she was a talented singer. I knew she had a hell of a voice. People talk about how Christina Aguilera has an amazing natural singing voice with a powerful set of lungs, but she was never in the same league (or even sport) as Whitney. You wanted someone to belt out a powerful ballad or sustain a high note than she would be the person to turn to every time. Her addictions did hurt her voice, but it just made it pretty good rather than miraculous.

So, why did I have a crush on Whitney Houston? Well, she was hot. Especially in the early 90s. She just had this aura about her. I didn't listen to her style of music very often, but I'd always stop what I was doing if I heard her sing. She was a diva, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible. She carried herself as a superstar. She stood out in the early 90s when compared to all the little "pop tarts" wishing they could be divas that were clogging up the air waves. Her competition was girls, and she was a woman. The moment you saw her, you knew she was defining an entire genre.

I can't really say I was a fan of Whitney Houston, because like I said, I never even owned a single album. I also don't know a good part of her musical library. I know all her hits, but then again, almost everyone who pays a small attention to pop culture would know them. She sort of reminds of Michael Jackson, as someone that I wasn't a diehard fan and started to care less about due to their struggles, but when they pass, it hits like a cannonball to the gut. I suddenly realize their epic contribution to the music industry, and just always assumed they would be around for years and years. As an aside, I can't believe I never even made one mention of Michael Jackson's passing on this blog -- though in my pathetic defense, I wasn't blogging in 2009. In both cases, there were far bigger fans than me, but I enjoyed their music when I heard it and I know their significance to music history is monumental.

I am sad to hear one of my first ever celebrity crushes has passed away. I hope she gets one hell of a tribute this evening at the Grammys (I realize it was short notice, but damn, it is Whitney Houston, man). It sucks she died so young. It is unfortunate she struggled with addiction for so long. I am going to keep my happy memories of her. I will never forget that marvelous singing voice.

Whitney Houston was a true music legend, and one of the greatest divas of all time. And yes Whitney, I will always love you.

And just because this was likely the song that started my crush. . .

Seriously, Home Births Aren't a One Way Ticket to Disaster Town

2012-02-10T08:41:00.003-05:00

I spent several columns recounting our birth story, because I thought that it would not only be entertaining but also allow others to know that not all pregnancies are "normal." I also realize that my little story could have had an unintended negative effect. There is a chance it caused a few people to decide that home births could usher in the apocalypse. I admit that our home birth attempt may have been a little too wacky and wild for my own comfort level, but the whole experience did end with the happy ending in the form of a healthy baby boy. Despite everything that happened, I still think home births are a great option, and more specifically, I think midwives are an amazing option, In today's "Dad's Eye View" column, I try to wipe away any fears that I may have stirred up and explain why I think you should still consider midwives and home births.

Writing a Letter to a Baby Who Can't Read

2012-02-08T06:59:00.004-05:00

Which I realize is not as impressive as writing a letter to a baby that can read. But I'm not stuck in the film Baby Geniuses and I'm actually quite happy with that fact. I'd rather be to stuck in Goonies or Star Wars, but they don't really have reading babies either. It seems my letter is not destined to be read by babies.

Despite that fact, in my latest "Dad's Eye View" column, I did write a letter to my newborn son. One day, I plan for him to read it. Since all of you can obviously read, you get the chance to read it before him. It is my little introduction to the world and family for my son. So go check it out, and then gloat about how you read it before the baby it was written for. I am sure your friends will be so proud.

Shatner Sings for the Common People

2012-02-07T08:15:00.003-05:00

Call me crazy (and at some point you may already have done that) but I really dig the William Shatner & Ben Folds collaborative cover of Pulp's "Common People." I am not going to say it is a better song (though I think it is), but I do think it captures the feel and emotion of the message much better.

You can just feel the sarcasm and disdain for the rich tourists dripping off Shatner's lips. It is just an angry and more volatile feeling song than the original. Based off the lyrics, that is how it should have always felt. Plus Ben Folds and Shatner actually mesh well together and make the whole song capture the emotion while also being a pretty catchy tune.

Of course, I might just be crazy.

I've got a small little mountain of pay copy and client work to attend to along with some other necessary tasks, so this might be all you get from me today. But if it is, I hope you have yourself the most splendid of Tuesdays.

Oh Look! I See A Parade of Pictures

2012-02-06T13:34:00.009-05:00

Yep, I sure do.

This is where the "magic" happens. Or at least, where it is revealed.

The big plus side to working at home is all the stimulating conversation I can engage in.

Don't worry, Everett got lots of his cake -- in magical milk form.

Our stringless marionette.

Yet another deep conversation taking place in the Spicer house.

"There is no way that is true! You're crazy!"

Holy crap! That baby is a giant!

And that is the end of our picture parade. I hope you remembered not to feed the clowns. It is just better if they starve.

Here and There: A Random Assortment of Thoughts - 2/6/12

2012-02-06T09:16:00.005-05:00

1. I watched the Super Bowl yesterday, because that is what you do on the evening of Super Bowl Sunday. Unless of course, that isn't what you do, then you are busy doing something else (maybe watching a Bridget Jones marathon on W or arm wrestling a sea turtle -- I don't judge). I like my football, and so it makes the most sense to watch the biggest football game of the year. Unlike in the United States, Canadians actually watch the Super Bowl for the football because we don't have the same smorgasbord of exclusive big budget commercials. We probably get about half of the American Super Bowl commercials, but I'm not sure if I just wasn't impressed by this year's crop or that we got less than that this year (it seems like we got the shaft on the Ferris Bueller and Seinfeld commercials). In the age of YouTube, it doesn't really matter too much that we miss out on many of the commercials, because you can eventually catch all the good ones anyway. It just means you're more likely to be a football fan to catch the event in Canada or you're going to a Super Bowl party to wolf down chili, nachos and wings.

I had me some of that delicious wings and nachos action, thanks to the most magnificent wife in the world (mine). Our Super Bowl party consisted of me, Emily, Everett, Summit and Crosby, and so we played it a bit more low key this year. This was also the first year that I got the honour of taking "diaper breaks' throughout the game, which I think allowed for a much more interactive feel. Unfortunately, Everett seemed to not be as impressed with the Super Bowl, and decided to make the final diaper spectacular an extended one, so I missed out on the Giant's comeback in the final minutes of the game.

The game was a pretty good one, but unfortunately, the joys of parenting meant I was less engaged than most years. It was kept close the entire game, and the trailing team made the big last minute comeback, which is always exciting (probably more if you get to actually see it). There were pretty big plays, and even a few that will get replayed in highlight reels for years to come. Especially the big jumping catch in the fourth quarter that essentially led the Giants to the run that lead to the championship.

I also need to add that I predicted a Giant Super Bowl win a few weeks back when the playoffs were just starting. It seemed like they had the momentum and they've been that type of team that underachieved in the regular season but got things together when it counted. I was confident they'd get the championship after their trouncing of Green Bay. It is always fun to call a big win, because I'm a Bears fans and what else do I have this year to be happy about in the football world?

2. I have wanted to make a few comments on the Shafia murder trial, which has been pretty big news up here. The convicted are still claiming innocence, but from the information that has been released, it appears to be a pretty clear case that they're guilty of murdering their 3 daughters/sisters and ex-wife (in the case of the husband). They also wouldn't be the first ever guilty parties that have stuck to their innocence for the rest of their lives (or until they have a chance to get a lucrative book deal). Debating their innocence isn't what I want to discuss here.

I've been deeply disturbed by this entire case. I just can't imagine what could drive a person to kill their own children and wife. This is something that becomes even more putrid and sickening to me now that I have my own son. I feel instinctually driven to protect my son at all costs. Preventing harm is one of the biggest emotions I have as a father. I can't imagine that one is so bound to their cultural traditions and beliefs that they'd murder those who they should be instinctually driven to protect.

This case is the perfect example of why someone can't allow their beliefs and cultural traditions to dictate how they live and behave. I am not calling for the death of religion or elimination of following your cultural traditions. You can't allow yourself to be tightly leashed by them either. Your beliefs can't consume you to the point that you forget to love and protect those around you. Your beliefs are not more important than a human life. This is my problem with fundamentalism, and those who are so ingrained in their traditions that they don't allow for any breathing room in their thought process. They allow their doctrines and religious texts (or their interpretations of them) to dictate their actions. These beliefs and cultures should be adding value to your life, but not controlling what you do, especially when those things aren't grounded in love. The Shafia trial sickens me, and I feel horrible for those four poor women who did absolutely nothing wrong.

3. I finally caught the premier of Alcatraz. It was a pretty fun start, and definitely shows a lot of promise. It also has the chance to be a cavalcade of plot hole and dropped storylines. I'm all for twists and mysteries, but the key is for the writers to have a clear direction of where they want to go. The current premise has me intrigued, and I do want to know why these ex-convicts are suddenly popping back into existence. The crucial thing is that there really does need to be a reason why they're coming back. It should probably be a pretty big reason, because I can't see someone going through this much trouble to just rob a bank or something. It also isn't going to make sense for every single criminal to just pop back in the modern times to stir up trouble, and so I hope that not every episode is going to be a "new criminal of the week" kind of thing (unless the plan is so huge it does need all 63 convicts). It has been established that there is some kind of goal even if the criminals themselves don't know what it is, but each perp should have a task that builds towards this greater purpose rather just causing random chaos and crimes. In the coming weeks we'll see if the writers can remain focused and avoid this show getting tangled in it plots or attempts at serving up red herrings. I liked what I've seen so far, and I'm interested enough to try to catch up on all the episodes.

4. I saw the Brisk iced tea Super Bowl commercial that starred Yoda and Darth Maul. It was mildly entertaining. The thing that stuck out to me was the small little ad for the 3D Star Wars movies that will get trotted out starting this month. I don't have any intention of going to see these movies, because I have the collection at home and enjoy them just fine in the 2D variety. This ad has reminded me of the latest onslaught of verbiage being unleashed by fan boys against George Lucas. I admit I've been a part of that war, but by this point, I really don't see the point anymore. Yes, the man likes to tinker with his films. Yes, the prequels were a giant let down. Yes, he is likely to remaster the films a dozen more times and eventually, the bartender will be the one to shoot first. I really don't see the point in being outraged anymore. It is the guy's films, and he owns the right to play with them in any form he chooses. I would wish he would allow the release of Blu-Rays of the original films without any Special Edition or tinkering. Other than that pipe dream, I just don't have the energy to get frustrated over George Lucas anymore. The reality is the man played a huge part in defining my childhood and created a set of films that allowed my imagination to soar to far off worlds. I'll always be thankful for that.

I also think the venom over the 3D remastering is totally unwarranted. Star Wars is not the only films that are being remastered for 3D. Disney is turning most of their classics into 3D versions, and James Cameron is rereleasing Titanic as a 3D version as well. If these films make back a decent chunk of change, then I promise you several more major blockbusters will be 3Dified. Hollywood likes their easy money, and this is the easiest of cash grabs. This is definitely more of o Hollywood shift rather than any major decision made by George Lucas (other than the man likes his money, but I also don't think that is necessarily a fault either).

5. The Hunger Games film trailer has definitely wet my appetite for that movie. It has also made me intrigued in the novels, which I've heard many good things about. It has also made me nostalgic about Battle Royale, which is a Japanese film (based off a manga comic that was based off a novel) that must be the inspiration for this series. I'm also sure there are some that complain that The Hunger Games is nothing more than a knock off (because both use the concept of students having to compete in a deadly competition with the last person standing rules). I can't really contribute to the conversation since I've only ever seen Battle Royale. I also know that a competition where the losers die was not invented by the writer of Battle Royale (Stephen King's The Long Walk has a similar concept and was published in the '70s).

The reality is writers are going to stumble upon similar concepts and ideas as other writers. You're going to get works that seem similar on the surface. I think, as long as the work isn't a blatant rip off then eventually they will start drifting away from each other and become very different creatures. I've got a strong feeling that since The Hunger Games is a YA novel that it is different from Battle Royale. I think, any need to call the former a rip off is probably unwarranted (and I'm not even sure if the novel gives an "inspired by" acknowledgement at the start -- which completely kills any need for the "rip off" arguments).

6. I'm going to talk about midwives more this week in my "Dad's Eye View" column, but I just wanted to say how much I loved our experience with our midwives. We didn't get our home birth dream, but our Boxing Day went by a thousand times easier thanks to the compassion and professionalism of our midwives. We meet our midwife for the final time tomorrow. It is absolutely wonderful we were able to get their one-on-one attention for six weeks after the birth. Any time we had a concern, we were able to page them, which have been a huge gift for first time parents. We've also been able to build a real relationship with them and gain a huge amount of trust, which is pretty important when it comes to care for our son. I definitely want to pass on my biggest recommendation for a midwife if you're in the market for some baby delivering. I'm not saying everyone will want or even can have a midwife, but I know the experience for us has been as magnificent as a talking caribou that shoots Skittle from its eyes (except with far less candy).

Before the Big Game, Come Snack on Some Ear Candy

2012-02-05T08:36:00.003-05:00

Work and life has been doing a "chicken running around with its head cut off" impersonation. So, the blog has been a little neglected. I'm telling you just in case you thought I was neglecting the blog so I could belly dance in front of the window to cause the neighbours long term traumatic damage (this of course, wouldn't take up that much time).

I was thinking of putting a Madonna song up here to commemorate the fact she is playing at the halftime show this year. But I decided a halftime of Madonna is more than enough Madonna for one day (or even week). Though speaking of Madonna, I heard on the radio that she is charging $300.00 for tickets for her next concert tour. She apparently realizes this is ridiculously high, but has responded by telling fans they just need to save up their money. Because we all should be saving up our cash so we can go see a 50 year old woman strut around like she is 20. I also think that if Madonna is promising a "can't miss event" rather than just a concert then she'll get many fans lining up to drop down their hard earned cash. The lady has accumulated a legion of followers over several decades and I don't think she tours too much anymore, so it is probably one of those tickets that will move no matter the cost attached. Though I think it reeks a little of "desperately trying recoup losses that may have been suffered by illegal downloads." But I'm just cynical like that.

I promised you ear candy, and I didn't want to do Madonna. I'm going to offer you up some Florence and the Machines' "Shake It Out", because this song has lodged itself in my head and I don't really mind it being there. It is one of those type of songs that I didn't think much of originally, but it slowly grew on me and I'm now completely infected.

So, sit down and listen to some not Madonna. Then when you're done this, you can go grab some last minute snacks before you watch the big game (or if you're in the States and haven't scoured YouTube all week yet, watch yourself commercials).

Now, It is Time to Add Some Magic to this Birth Story

2012-02-03T08:32:00.005-05:00

For the last several weeks on my "Dad's Eye View" column, I've been recounting the roller coaster ride that is Everett's birth story. Today's column is not only the conclusion, but probably the highest point of the ride. How does a roller coaster end at the highest point? Well, there may be a reason why I don't design such rides, but rather just like to have fun on them. As for a story, I think this is the perfect ending. Actually, I'd say it is a very magical ending. This was without any doubt the most spiritual and magical moment of my life. What is this moment? Well, you'll have to head on over to Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine to find out for yourself.

My Question Posed Out of Complete and Honest Curiosity

2012-02-02T21:30:00.004-05:00

For those of you who come to my blog posts via the Twitterfeed on Facebook, I've been wondering why some of you post your comments on the Facebook site rather than directly on this blog?

If your answer is, "I don't. I comment directly on this blog." Then obviously, this question was not directed at you.

This isn't a question that comes from a place of rage or even any desire to start a debate. It is just straight up curiosity.

From my perspective, you're on this site anyway, and at the end of reading it, you likely encounter the text box where you can leave a comment. Instead, the Facebook commenter closes this tab and decides to leave a comment on the site that was just housing the link rather than the content.

Is it because you think it will be easier to read my response on Facebook (rather than have to return to that blog post)?

Do you find the need to fill in your name and email address to be far too taxing?

Do you just love Facebook oh-so-much and want to write on it as much as you possibly can?

Because of bears?

I also have a question for the large amount of readers who never leave a comment. Though the simple fact that you are a non-commenter may make asking this question pointless. But this wouldn't be the first time I've written something pointless on here.

When I publish a post that is controversial or clearly designed to engage conversation or really any post I write, what is your main reason for not leaving comments?

Is it because you strongly disagree with my comments but don't feel like entering into debate or scared it will scar my fragile ego?

Do you just agree with everything I say and don't feel like being a parrot?

Lack of time or opinion?

You only clicked on the post in hopes of finding a picture of my dog or son or cat, and when you were greeted with a wall of text, you promptly fled to YouTube?

You were going to leave a comment but then "oh shit, my boss is entering the room" happened?

Because of bears?

Well, you can either answer these questions or surf the web for information on bears. I'm cool with either choice.

I also realize my title was a blatant lie as there was more than just one question. Plus I neglected to mention bears.

The Greatest Boxing Day Deal Ever

2012-02-01T07:27:00.002-05:00

My "Dad's Eye View" column has been recounting one crazy little birth story. By now, it is pretty clear that things didn't go as planned or how we wanted them to go. But in the end, all the craziness and pain is worth it if you get a beautiful and healthy baby. I am sure most of my readers have a pretty good idea on if I think that happened. But since you've stuck with the column this long, why not read the happy ending to this roller coaster of a story. Check out today's "Dad's Eye View" column where I reflect upon what was truly the greatest Boxing Day deal I ever got.

23 Random Thoughts on Television

2012-01-31T08:43:00.004-05:00

Because this is what happens when I read Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Tunes into TV.

1. The average American apparently watches 28 hours of TV a week. I'm assuming this means the average American is not self-employed and owns Rosie the robot.

2. Everett will never experience the wonder of getting out of bed to be greeted by blessed Saturday morning cartoons. Of course, he will grow up in a world with about three or four 24 hour cartoon channels.

3. How many more months will it be before our cable systems announce the newest channel, 24 Kardashian ("Because You Want a Guarantee There Will Always be Crap on TV").

4. I've wanted to catch Alcatraz, because it looks like it could be a crazy weekly hour of sci-fi/fantasy TV. It might make up for the fact I totally missed out on the LOST craze, but I'm afraid the show might just turn into another catch the criminals series until the writers decide to throw in a smoke monster or a polar bear.

5. The M*A*S*H series finale is still the most watched scripted show in history despite it airing all the way back in 1983. Can that record ever be broken? I think it is possible, but it would have to be something that not only captures the imagination of several generations but it would need to create a feeling that it was "must watch TV" at the very moment it airs.

M*A*S*H had the advantage of being around during a time that network television was still king and there was a limited number of cable channels to choose from. It was also during a time that the VCR was still a relatively new product and the DVR was almost 2 decades away from even existing. You also didn't have the same level of other media to compete with such as the internet and more advances video games (video games were huge in the '80s, but they're even more accessible now). The competition was far easier, and it was more likely that the viewer would grow and get attached to a show (M*A*S*H had an 11 year series run). Network shows still garner the best ratings, but they don't get close the viewers they did in the 70s and 80s, because there is just so many more channels to watch shows on. Even if you had a show that captured the imagination like M*A*S*H, you'd probably have a huge group that would just either DVR it or track it down on the internet. Our society doesn't have the same "must watch it now" mentality unless it is a live sporting event (I'm assuming not too many people will have "DVR the Super Bowl and watch it later" parties).

6. I know some people complain there are far too may product placements and corporate sponsors have too much control over television. But currently on TV, we don't have news broadcasts controlled by cigarette companies that demand pro smoking oriented telecasts and end with a close up of a cigarette burning in a clean ashtray.

7. Imagine what the response would be if there was a "Very Special Episode" of The Office or How I Met Your Mother.

8. So, why the heck did I love ALF so much? I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that paste in Grade 1.

9. Based off the fact I'm still over a month behind on several of the TV shows that I've wanted to follow, I think I'm officially putting Hell on Wheels in the pile of permanently unwatched shows. Of course, I'm still willing to listen to last minute arguments to convince me this is a must watch show.

10. McDonald's has this new commercial where they go on about how they have 100% pure beef and how everyone loves some of that magical beef deliciousness (yeah, I hear vegetarians raving about it all the time). In this commercial they show a guy wolfing down a steak. A steak. Isn’t this unfairly raising expectations by showing someone devouring a juicy steak in order to sell their "well, they say this thin patty is beef" burgers?

11. Everett will grow up in a world where there won't be the "Network Television Event", also known as the cheaply produced made for TV movie that also is a failed pilot.

12. The Ropers, The Tortellis & Joey alert: There are serious talks of a Dwight Schrute spin off, where he works on his beet farm. This is exactly what The Office needs to take off one of its key characters so that he can go on a show that will be cancelled after 4 episodes.

13. It has been 35 years since the Roots miniseries captured the attention of the North American viewing audience and became an instant ratings juggernaut. Yet TV executives still hesitate about fully backing a show with a largely African American cast (unless it stars Bill Cosby -- which Roots didn't have, by the way).

14. Speaking of Cosby, he really needs to start to work on a sitcom pronto, because the '00s marked the first decade since the ‘50s that a Cosby network TV show did not grace the airwaves.

15. The Seinfeld finale was the '90s equivalent of Bobby coming out of the shower after Pam was dreaming for an entire season.

16. Of course, I say the above without ever watching Dallas and not have seen that Seinfeld finale since it first aired. I think the buildup is what made it a huge let down, and there is a chance I'd actually love it today.

17. A decade later and I'm still bitter Freaks & Geeks got cancelled after half a season.

18. I'm not a Trekkie but I also would never be one to downplay the amazing cultural significance the entire franchise has played. The original a series has one of the first ever onscreen interracial kisses (and the first lip to lip kiss between a white male and a black female). This is major considering just a few years prior there was an unwritten rule on network TV that blacks and whites interaction should be kept to a minimum (if allowed at all).

19. I still think The Arsenio Hall Show was one of the best talk shows ever. Now, I haven't seen it since it got canceled and I've been disappointed many times after rewatching once beloved shows (thanks a lot TeleToon retro for ruining my childhood), but I'm positive it was still hundred times better than The Chevy Chase Show.

20. In the '80s, my family watched Magnum P.I, on a weekly basis and I think my mom wanted to marry Tom Selleck's mustache. This is the reason that I actually thought that 1970's blockbuster superstar Burt Reynolds was actually a Selleck wannabe. Sorry about that, Bandit.

21. The Honeymooners may be one of the most well-known (next to I Love Lucy the most rerun during lunch) of all 1950s shows, but as its own series it actually only ran 39 episodes. A crazy fact you probably couldn't care less about, but I find that astonishing (though it used to part of several variety shows, and so I'm not sure if reruns come from those episodes as well).

22. The OJ Simpson trial was such a cultural touchstone that I remember our high school classes were interrupted so that the verdict could be announced. But it appears they read it wrong, because they said he was innocent.

23. What does Happy Days, Good Times, Family Matters, West Wing, Seinfeld, M*A*S*H, That 70's Show, Saved by the Bell, ER, and Friday Night Lights have in common? In each show, at some point aliens abducted a character and then erased their existence from the memory of every other character on the show. Of course, this scene was also left off on every single one of these shows.

Stephen King's Night Shift: Does the Early Works Still Have a Place in his Literary Empire?

2012-01-30T10:58:00.003-05:00

I've been promising a review of Stephen King's first collection of short stories for several weeks now, and I thought I better write this thing before I completely forget about each story. I did a review of King's second short story collection, Skeleton Crew, over a year ago. I absolutely adored the anthology and thought it was huge proof that King is an extremely talented writer who can compose compelling works in various genres. Night Shift doesn't span as many genres, but rather sticks to mostly supernatural horror stories (with a few exceptions). This also makes sense since the majority of the stories come from the period that King was just trying to scrap by financially and he found a small niche in writing horror stories for the "skin mags" (which paid a really good rate back then). This collection also spans close to 15 years as he included stories written in the ‘60s up until 1976 (collection was published in 1978).

Even though it is easy to peg this as a horror story anthology, it is an unfair label – which is always my stance when it comes to King's stories. He does a great job of exploring the emotions and personalities of the average person and exploring how they respond to supernatural and horrific circumstances. In the end, his stories aren't really about the monsters but rather the humans who are experiencing these events. He is great at creating multi layered, believable people, and with these individuals, he explores a variety of deep issues. I know the literary snobs would disagree that King's work is profound and explores thought provoking issues, but they'd likely not want to admit they’re snobs to begin with. Yes, King admits his works is the fast food of the literary world but it is high end fast food that is delicious and you can still find nuggets of nutritional value (after all, the Big Mac uses real lettuce).

Here is my quick look at each of the stories contained in Stephen King's Night Shift. A collection that contains some of his oldest works, but also has some of his most classic and enjoyable stories to this day.

Jerusalem's Lot: This would have been one of the last stories written that was included in the anthology (may have been written exclusively for the collection), and it provides some background to the eerie village that is the focus of his vampire novel, 'Salem's Lot. Even though this particular story doesn't contain any vampires, it is written in a similar style as the most popular vampire novel, Dracula (it is written completely in the style of diary entries and correspondence). I really enjoyed how this story leaves the reader to doubt if there really is supernatural horrors taking place or if it is just the collapse of one man's sanity (this is why the diary and correspondence style is so effective -- you don't know if it is all coming from a deteriorating mind). Of course, the novel this story is providing a background for would answer the insanity vs. reality question, but I felt the story does a fantastic job of giving you some doubt. Especially since the story ends with an entry by a descendant who seems to question the truthfulness of the prior entries, while also alluding to a possible history of family insanity (or is it the curse that lives within this family home).

The story is legitimately scary. I read this story while my wife was sick and I slept in a separate room to avoid the illness. There was only a lamp on and the room was shrouded in shadows. I got spooked reading it. The walls seemed a little less quiet that evening. It is a good scare, but also an incredibly well written story that pays homage to some classics. The story is mostly based in the 1800s but sets the stage for the novel based in the 70s. I feel the time period allows for the story to become that much darker but also causes you to question what is real because it is happening during a time of great superstition. If you enjoy gothic fiction than this one is a real treat (and if you like sleepless night then read it in the dark right before bed time).

Graveyard Shift: This is an example of how King just uses his "monsters" as a back ground or a way to drive the more important human stories. On the surface this seems like a story about a textile mill that is plagued by giant mutant rats that dwell in the basement. The mutant rats play an important part in making this story disturbing and uncomfortable. The real story is about a drifter who takes on a job at this mill and his volatile relationship with the cold hearted boss. The thing that really makes this story intriguing is that there isn't a clear hero in this tale. The boss appears heartless and maybe even a little corrupt, but the "protagonist" reveals a dark side when he starts to feel like he is being pushed around. I think many readers will get disturbed by this story and not necessarily just because it contains rats the size of large dogs. I enjoyed this story that reveals that there are vile monsters that are hidden in many dark places (including inside the soul of some human beings).

Night Surf: This is actually a "prologue" to King's epic novel, The Stand. A huge portion of the world's population has been wiped out by a dreadful virus, and this story is a small peak at the life of a few survivors. Unlike the novel, this isn’t about warring factions or the attempt at rebuilding society, but rather it is just some young kids trying to make sense of this new world and trying to make the best of the relationships they have left. The strength of this story is the window into the emotions and fears of the characters, and being able to see their authentic and honest deep thoughts on how they must cope and survive. I enjoyed it because the characters are incredibly flawed and in many ways very selfish. It isn't about humans rising above their circumstance or becoming heroes, but just about some people trying to enjoy what they see as their last days on Earth.

I Am The Doorway: One of the original covers of this anthology shows a hand that is covered with eyeballs. This is the story that cover is depicting. It is another story that plays the "insanity vs. reality" card for a long while, as a majority of the story is a character describing some dark events to a friend. This was a written during a time that space travel was a big part of the culture, and there were still lots of debate over what could possibly be contained in the planets surrounding us. This tale talks about a rather nasty side effect an astronaut experienced when he landed on Venus and took home something that would haunt him for the rest of his life. It is yet another dark and disturbing story that might make you queasy at times, but sometimes that exactly what is necessary for a good story. Life is full of unexplainable and nasty things, and it can be relieving to get that cathartic experience from the relatively safe confines of fiction.

The Mangler: They actually tried to make a movie based on this story, and I hear it was absolutely awful. What really were the chances that a movie about a possessed industrial laundry press machine would be of any type of quality? Well, you may answers with, "The same chances that a short story about a possessed industrial laundry press machine would be any good." And you'd be wrong. This is actually a really great story and one of the stand outs in a collection full of fantastic (but horrifying) tales. The big difference is that a movie needs to have constant visual actions and can't properly explore the inner thoughts of a human. A written story can be compelling without constant action and can delve into the inner psyche of a human being. Once again, the strength of this tale is based on the emotions and thoughts of the character. The detective is especially interesting as he tries to solve this bizarre case of a seemingly fine machine causing the most horrid of accidents. The synopsis of this story is over the top and ridiculous, but it is King's ability to create true human emotion that makes it an engaging story. I also know that I never wanting to work at an industrial laundry facility.

The Boogeyman: If you sense there is a dark force or monster, but you do nothing about it, then were you responsible for the death of your children? This is the question posed by this short story. It may seem like a ridiculous question, since we know there isn’t a boogeyman residing in our closet. Even though this is a story that deals in the supernatural, I still think it presents an interesting question. Are there times that we can protect our child, but we fail due to doubts or insecurities? Or what do we do when we fail to protect our children and how do we survived the ever lingering guilt? I find this such an intriguing story, because the main character isn't that likable. He is a bit of a racist and sexist, and he is definite blue collar. The man is flawed. He is forever tormented by his inability to protect his children from the boogeyman. This is something fathers can relate to -- the absolute need to protect your child. This story resonates with me more now that I have a son that I instinctually feel driven to keep safe. I feel this story is more powerful because the character isn't a saint but still loved his children. There isn't any qualification to becoming a father, but also there isn't any requirement to be ingrained with a sense of protection for your child. It is a reminder that you’re a protector of your children even when you're not the world's definition of a hero or even a good person. I feel the story resonates more when the character really is flawed and even weak, and now forever tormented in the feelings of failure as a father (something that many father will wrestle with even if it isn't due to attacks from a boogeyman).

Grey Matter: After reading this story, I've decided it is of paramount importance that I check my beer to make sure no seal has been broken or any evidence of grey residue around the bottle/can. This story was written during a time when there was some widespread panic in America over contaminated food. This is a fear that still exists among some groups. I've never heard of beer or any food items turning someone into a cannibalistic monster, but some of the messages of this tale will still play to the fears of many. This was another one that made it just a little bit harder to be able to have a sound sleep after gobbling up the dark tale right before bed time (and again, I was alone in the guest room while consuming this horror story). It is a fun little story, as long as you feel comfortable using the word "fun" when describing a tale about a man who is slowly turning into a horrible blob-like creature thanks to some bad brew.

Battleground: Not all stories contain a hero. In this story, the "protagonist" is a hit man who just killed off a toymaker. I know the hit man was doing his job, but can you ever really cheer for a guy willing to kill off a person who brings joy to thousands of children? Well, the mother of the toymaker sure isn't a fan of the guy because she sends a rather nefarious package. She created the battleground as the hit man fights for his survival against the most dangerous army toys known to man. It is a creative and exciting little story that not only thrills but also gives you a few laughs. It definitely provides for a different kind of feel and atmosphere compared to many of the other stories in this collection.

Trucks: Another example of an amazing short story that doesn't translate into a good movie. King used the premise of this story (and actually several parts of this actual story) for his directorial debut (and also his directorial finale), Maximum Overdrive. I actually like the movie far more than most critics, but also realize the appeal comes more from the B-Movie style of film watching (how bad can this things truly get?). The short story is a great "group of strangers trapped together and must coexist in order to survive" sort of tale. King perfected this type of story with his 1980 novella, The Mist, (included in Skeleton Crew), but this is an incredible first effort. Actually, the two stories go into very different directions, and this tale works with a much smaller cast of characters. The characters aren't dealing with an unknown entity like in The Mist, but rather are fighting the machines they've controlled and used for years and years. The unknown fear comes from the question of why have the trucks suddenly got a mind of their own and decided to unleash their hellish fury upon their former owners. I also am a big fan of the ambiguous ending and feel it adds some extra oomph to the message. This was being written during the oil crisis of the 70s, and at the time there was a real fear the way transportation existed was going to change drastically. Though demonic trucks seem like a silly concept, the fear and emotions and response of the characters seems genuine and that is what drives this story. It is another favourite of several from this great collection.

Sometimes They Come Back: This is a story about how eventually your past is going to come back to haunt you. This is a scenario that many could relate to such as a criminal record that gets in the way of a job hiring or a colleague you harmed that now may play a role in your job advancement or a traumatic experience that refuses to leave your mind at night or numerous other events that sneak back into your life. Of course, it is unlikely that the teenagers that murdered your brother would come back from the dead to haunt you and eventually try to kill you. This would also be why this is a short story about supernatural horror fiction rather than real life. The protagonist is one you can relate to you, and he has a past he wants to be able to erase. He can't, and it returns to haunt him. This is something that I know many can relate to, even if the actually scenario is hopefully something no one has gone through. This story has a message you can discuss and ponder about, but it also provides the necessary action to be incredibly entertained. I don't want to spoil this story, but the ending was excellent and maybe the most disturbing "happy ending" you could imagine.

Strawberry Fields: It has a harmless title, which of course means it is one of the darkest tales. An intriguing and well written tale (which is about a series of serial murders) that will definitely get you thinking.

The Ledge: Not all "monsters" need to be supernatural. This is the tale of cold hearted crime boss who seeks revenge on the man who was having an affair with his wife (he wants revenge despite the fact it is pretty clear the marriage was entirely loveless). This story reminds me of a classic short story I absolutely adored as a kid "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell, which (along with "The Lottery" by Mary Jackson) is what got me hooked on wanting to write fiction. The concept is similar in that the villain makes a deal with the protagonist where the protagonist will be able to survive (and in this case, walk away with money and his wife) if he can win the challenge. In this case, the challenge is navigating around the building on the ledge. The story does a great job of capturing the human fear of extreme heights while also playing to the despair of trying to effectively accomplish this bet so that the protagonist can survive the fury of the gangster while also return to the arms of his lover. Of course, the whole time the protagonist has to question if he can trust the mob boss and hope that his girl did get safely away. It is the type of plot with some additional elements that could make a more than thrilling popcorn muncher, and is the type of story that is able to capture the type of emotions and peril that has made me fall in love with fiction. The story mixes playing to the type of nightmares I am tormented with but also the type of scenario that I would pretend I was in as a child (of course, I always came out the victor in my little imaginary world). I love this story, and one day will definitely write something that is a tribute to this (which I feel is a tribute to the awesome "The Most Dangerous Game").

The Lawnmower Man: You might read this and think, "Oh, they made an awful movie about this short story too." Well, that isn't exactly true. They made a movie that used the title of this short story and even deceptively called it Stephen King's Lawnmower Man, but the movie has absolutely nothing to do with this awesome story. This is actually one of the stories that initially made me a Stephen King fan. In Grade 9, a friend of mine recommended that I check this story out and kept on going on about how awesome the ending of it was. I think he may have even spoiled the ending. I won't do that to you, even if this story is now over 35 years old.

I fell in love with this short story back in Grade 9, because I loved the vivid and dark imagination while also the fact it could create authentic humans. This really is the power of Stephen King. The protagonist isn't virtuous or some super hero, but your regular and flawed average person. He gets thrown in this very scary and very supernatural situation. I love the balance of characters who are incredibly realistic along with situation that is absolutely absurd (a lawnmower company owned by the god Pan). This is another really fun story -- as long as you find guts and entrails to be fun, of course.

Quitters Inc - There really isn't a villain in this story. It isn't exactly horror. But there may be characters you despise and there are events that will make you gasp. You have a character that feels his addiction to cigarettes is ruining his life, and so he joins this program with can't miss results. Let's just say the techniques are a little controversial, but would definitely make most promise to never use a cigarette again. It is another story that will cause some heated discussions, and in this case, question how far should a company be allowed to go even if it has been agreed upon by the customer. Can you justify evil means if it leads to positive ends? This really is what the story is asking and I like that it doesn't necessarily try to give you a straight answer. I am sure the reader will think it gives an answer, but that is more an example of one's beliefs rather than what the story truly presents. I think a great story should have a message, but should also allow the reader to decide for themselves based off how things play out. This is exactly what is allowed to happen here, and this approach creates a strong story with a more effective message.

I Know What You Need: You ever see a close friend in a relationship that you know is completely bad for her but she can't see it because she is clouded by the emotion of being in a relationship? Well, this story is exactly like that except more Stephen King than 90210 -- likely because it was written by Stephen King rather than produced by Aaron Spelling. You can definitely see analogies to girl who traps herself in a dangerous relationship despite protests from friends, but it is wrapped into a supernatural mystery story. You'll be busy trying to figure out how this nerd was able figure out all the girl’s thoughts and desires while always having luck end up his way rather than bother analyzing the issues the story is trying to present. That is what a good story should do, get you wrapped into the story while you read and then leave the message to be debated after the fun has all been had.

Children of Corn: This is a pretty well-known short story, and has been made into about 2 billion awful B-movies (and one decent early 80s big budget film starring Linda Hamilton). I am sure you can find a message about the dangers of organized religion or extreme ideologies, or you can just decide it is a message about why you shouldn't have kids. No matter what message you want to debate, it is a pretty chilling story. I also like the fact that the entire build up is a dissolve of a marriage and that both are in emotional ruin even before the horror begins. Again King takes the time to really develop the characters and flesh them out rather than just make perfect cookie cutter versions of something that resembles humans. You get involved in their relationship before you get thrust into the horror that is this cult village known as Gatlin, Nebraska. This story is popular and considered a classic for a reason, and has inspired many other interesting stories about cult like towns.

The Last Rung on the Ladder: Though Night Shift isn't as diverse as Skeleton Crew, there are a few stories that prove King can write more than just horror. This sad and tragic tale about a brother reflecting upon his once close relationship with his sister is evidence of the range of stories King can create. It is a sentimental tale, but not written in an overly gushy way. The characters are still fleshed out in a realistic way and it creates a believable situation you find real people could get into. The man reflects upon a day in his childhood where he saved his sister's life, and then starts lamenting how he allowed their relationship to drift apart. It is a great story about the importance of family without being preachy or didactic.

The Man Who Loved Flowers: You're either going to despise or love this story. You may be able to finger out what the story is about, but I think it still provides an interesting message on how human's tend to view each other.

One for the Road: A return to a story about Jerusalem's Lot, but this time with far more vampires. It a cautionary tale about why you should never stop your car in an abandoned town in the middle of a blizzard in a Stephen King story. Luckily, most of us are not in a Stephen King story. Or so we think.

The Woman in the Room: Stephen King wrote this while his mother was dying from cancer. I am pretty sure this fictional story was a way for him to cope with the loss and pain he was experiencing. I read this just weeks after Emily's dad passed away. I found this was a beautiful but emotionally draining story to read. This is proof that King has a softer side. It is definitely one of his more powerful and emotional pieces, and you can just feel the passion that must have gone into this story.

This is a collection of some of Stephen King's oldest works. He has written many masterpieces since this collection. I think, this anthology still stands up to almost anything he has written since. It is a great showcase of his talents and contains some of the scariest stories he has ever written. This is a definite must read for anyone who wants to see why Stephen King has become a mainstream literary icon.

My Most Viewed Blog Posts of January 2012

2012-01-29T10:21:00.005-05:00

Back in the summer, I revealed my most viewed blog posts of all time. The rankings have changed slightly since then, but not by a significant amount. But I'm a geek when it comes to these types of statistics and my ego is large enough where I think there are a few readers that might give a rip about them too. So, I wanted to present the top viewed articles of this past month along with my usual ramblings and thoughts.

RIP Macho Man Randy Savage 1952-2011 - It is kind of crazy that a blog post I wrote over six months ago was viewed almost twice as much as the number two most viewed post. And that my loyal readers, is why this post is by far the most read ever on this blog and will likely always be in that position (unless I stumble upon creating some amazing internet meme). All the credit goes to that little search engine called Google, and the fact this post ranks really high when people go looking for almost anything with the name "macho man". Sites will rank high if they are considered an authority on the particular topics that are being googled, and much thanks to the wrestling sites that linked to this particular post thus giving me credibility for all things macho man.

Craig Kielburger: Inspiring Others For Greatness - This one is over a year old, and is beating out all the fresh content from this month by a significant amount. I mentioned this back in August, but I think the main reason it ranks so well on Google is that Kielburger is a minor celebrity that promotes causes people care about but he isn't well enough known to be written about to an extensive degree. It means several people track him down on Google, but there isn't a huge amount of competition when it comes to content on him. My site benefits from this, and gets more eyeballs than it would without this post.

The Greatest Boxing Day Surprise Ever: AKA The Most Wonderful Excuse for Not Blogging for Several Days - This is more proof that babies equal web traffic. This post snagged a huge amount of views from links on various social media sites (mainly Facebook) thanks to casual friends and acquaintances patiently waiting for the big baby announcement. I used this blog post to announce Everett's arrival, and so it got a massive amount of hits thank to that fact. Actually, it gained so many views that it is now in a comfy spot in the all-time viewed posts rankings. So yes, I use my son to superficially inflate my numbers -- I'm turning out to be a great father.

Debunking the Latest Crazy Internet Meme - I'm actually really touched by this blog post achieving so many hits. Usually my blog posts will rank high because I put the link up on various sites that I feel will have readers that would be interested in it. In the case of this post, several of my readers liked this post enough that they gave the link out to several site, and the post became a bit of a meme itself. This is probably the highest blog post I've ever written that doesn't contain babies and I did not do any extra promotion for other than the usual Twitterfeed links. It also seems people are questioning the validity of the meme targeted in this post, because I've got some hits from people on Google looking for info on "Miguel Carano" or facts of the sentencing of Kim Schmitz. Kudos to those who didn't mindlessly listen to a photoshopped picture!

About Those Christmas Photos I Vaguely Promised. .... - A post that promises cute pictures of dogs, cats and babies will never fail to attract the masses.

My Observations of My First Two Weeks of Fatherhood Plus Pictures!!! - What?!? I promise baby pictures and it gets several views? But how could this have happened? Oh yeah, that whole babies equals web traffic thing. You'd almost think I would be counting on that kind of thing when I promise things like pictures.

Oops! Sorry, Your Marriage was Just Pretend - Another post that did really well despite the fact I didn't promote it outside of the usual link I have programmed to show up on Twitter and Facebook. This post actually attracted a group of Libertarians, and I can only assume this was due to the fact that I mentioned that political affiliation in the post (because it really wasn't a post that focused on that particular political views). I also tend to get many hits from the social media sites when I promise rants on things like sex and marriage (probably because it sometimes can lead to babies).

So, How is Summit with Everett? - A picture of a baby and a cute dog. You know the drill by now.

My Thoughts on SOPA & PIPA - Yet another post that helped feed my ever growing ego, because the promotion and links largely came from my readers rather than me. Most of the views came from the day it was posted and it hasn't had much life outside of "Black Wednesday." Of course, a lot of that comes from the fact the acts were scrapped shortly after the mass internet protest.

Introducing Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine's Newest "Dad's Eye View" Columnist. . . - My ego got much more food, when the large amount of views for this post was proof that people actually care about my writing career. After this announcement, I got some really nice emails from people congratulating me on landing this job. I also know that I've landed several new regular readers for my "Dad's Eye View" column, and my actual blog has increased in daily views ever since I became the columnist too. This job has been a nice boost for my career, and I'm glad I've been able to snag a few more readers thanks to it.

And so those are the Spicer ramblings that grabbed the most eyeballs in the month of January. As always, I am incredibly thankful for every single one of my readers. You folks are the awesome.

Today's Not Exactly Profound Thought

2012-01-28T18:23:00.003-05:00

If you're outside in the winter and you're sweating, then you're working way too hard.

Unless you live in a hot climate.

Then you should go inside and turn on the air conditioning.

But if you're not in a hot climate, then you probably shouldn't turn on the air conditioning. Especially when you have dinner guests. They hate it when you do that.

11 Reasons Why Last Night's Parks & Recreation Rocked Off My Socks

2012-01-27T09:20:00.002-05:00

I've been watching Parks & Recreation off and on ever since it debuted. I've laughed and enjoyed episodes, but it has always just been something I waste a half hour before The Office comes on. Don't get me wrong, there have been moments of brilliance, but it has always been swimming around number 4 or 5 on my top sitcoms I must watch. For a guy who doesn't have a lot of disposable time, that isn't a good place to be in if you’re a show wanting to be watched. But last night I had some time to check out the newest episode of Parks & Recreation, and it looks like we've got ourselves a show that wants to start pushing up the rankings of not just sitcoms I must watch but anything on TV.

Here are 11 things that made last night's episode awesome. Why 11? Well, why not?

Oh yeah, it is filled with spoilers of a show that has already aired on national television.

1. There is something extremely fitting and perfect to the character of Leslie Knope that not only did she suggest bowling as a campaign awareness strategy but she happens to be awesome at bowling too. I'd love to see the upcoming Presidential elections filled with bowling tournaments rather than high priced gala dinners.

2. In a fundraising phone campaign where the objective is to raise the most money in order to win cinema tickets (which in itself fits perfectly with the small town charm of this show), Andy informs a willing donator that he doesn't think you can give more than a $50.00 donation.

3. Ron puts down Anne's name for the bowling scoreboard as "Girl".

4. Tom bowls with two hands, and is awesome. Much to the cursing dismay of Ron. A classic episode is always one were poor Ron get incredibly frustrated and would I really spend time jotting down 11 things I love if this wasn't a classic (yeah, probably).

5. Ron reveals his favourite restaurant is the snack bat in the bowling alley. It serves hamburgers and hot dogs. And that is it, according to the menu.

6. April actually tries to win the phone pledge drive (and for the first time actually acts cheery) with the sole purpose of crushing Chris' happiness. But then when Chris gets dumped and is sad for the first time in show history, April actually gives him the tickets (and invites him to go to the movies with Andy and herself) to lift his spirits. This scene totally demonstrated the magic of Parks & Recreation as you’re bursting out in laughter over April's awkwardness but also touched by her sweet gesture (a possible first for her on this show). It works because April still kept to her character despite actually being nice.

7. Ben goes totally out of character (but still totally believable at the same time - - confused?) by knocking out a guy who called Leslie a bitch (and also happened to be the guy Leslie spent all night trying to woo into voting for her). It was another awesomely funny but also sweet moment -- or at least, as sweet as punching out a guy can be (he did it to "protect" his girlfriend). A classic scene that reminds everyone not to mess with a nerd's girl (all that pent up rage over Battlestar Galactica's cancellation).

8. Tom telling Ben they both had "hand owies". Of course, Ben got his from knocking a guy out and Tom got his by pinching his hand against a bowling ball.

9. Leslie holding a public apology conference for her boyfriend punching out the guy, but instead declares she isn't apologetic and proud her boyfriend punched out the jerk. In an awesome twist, it causes the voters to appreciate her more since she stood by her kick ass boyfriend (who owns a rocking Batman suit too). It is yet another scene that had me laughing out loud but also did a great job conveying human emotion. I'm rooting for Leslie to get voted in council, but this show isn't necessarily known for things turning out positive.

10. Champion the dog. It is physically impossible to not love a three legged dog.

11. Jerry uncomfortableness around the oblivious Chris and his daughter who has arrived just to break up with Chris. Jerry is easily the most underrated character on this show when it comes to delivering comedy.

I loved this episode and looking forward to what they have in store for sweeps month.

What is Worse Than Pushing for Two and Half Hours in Labour? Well, Having to Stop Pushing

2012-01-27T09:00:00.002-05:00

That is exactly what my warrior of a wife had to do as we transferred to the hospital after our failed attempt at a home birth. This sounds like quite the story, doesn't it? Well, it is and you can read the exciting fourth chapter on my "Dad's Eye View" column over at Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine. It is just the type of adventure to kick off your Friday properly. Just in case you're a little behind on Everett's birth story, you should skim around the archives and find all the crazy stuff that led us to this point. After all, what else would you do at work on a Friday morning?

Apparently, My "One Month Old" Pictures Were Too Old, So. . .

2012-01-26T20:48:00.009-05:00

One Month Old

2012-01-26T14:37:00.005-05:00

It is crazy to think it has already been a month. Though it is also pretty amazing to think it has also only been a month.

I love you, Everett.

Debunking the Latest Crazy Internet Meme

2012-01-26T09:32:00.004-05:00

This lovely little photoshopped poster has been making the rounds at all the major social media sites and forums. It usually is followed by the commenter spewing out moral outrage over how a guy sharing digital content could get a far stiffer sentence than a savage who brutally murdered a woman. It usually leads to a bashing of the American legal system and how it shows the courts care more about money than protecting lives.

I actually think this little meme demonstrates something completely different. It shows how people get their "facts" from photoshopped posters, because apparently, if it has pictures, has words, and is on the internet then it must be true (the information is further validated when it makes its way on Facebook).

This poster is hyperbole at its very best and is clearly designed to try to make a point. The point being that the courts care more about keeping the big corporations rich rather than protecting innocent individuals. It is a nice sentiment, but that doesn't actually make the poster factual. The irritating thing is that many folks have decided to take this internet meme as a news report and are spreading it around like it is fact.

The reality is that Megaupload founder Kim Schmitz (also known as Kim Dotcom) was only arrested last week and the trial has not even begun. I've never heard about someone being convicted and sentenced before the trial. From the various articles I've looked at, the sentence seems to be for 20 years rather than the purported 50. The courts are charging him for running a site that housed countless pirated copyrighted material, but there are also charges for racketeering and money laundering. I'm not trying to deny that the main charge isn't for the web site, but the length of the sentence (20 years) is likely based off all the different charges.

I've made my stance on artist's rights to their material a few times on this blog, so I'll keep my babbling to a minimum. The fact is an artist has the right to protect their creative works, be able to decide what to do with their works, and be able to make a living off their hard work. I'm someone who relies on copyrights to make a living and support my family, so you're going to have a hard time convincing me otherwise.

The thing that makes me laugh (not out of happiness though) is the people who try to paint Schmitz as a benevolent soul who is just trying to allow the free exchange of media. The arguments is the big government and corporations are doing away with him, so that all the fat cat CEOs and millionaire musicians can buy more sports cars and own more mansions. I realize it is easier to paint copyrights as something that just make major corporations and millionaires even richer, because then you have the emotional edge to sway people over to your side. Yeah, copyrights do benefit the rich. It also benefits people who could never afford a Porsche and are just trying to support their loved ones. Copyrights also protect the musician making music in his garage who sells the occasional track on iTunes or the starving author who works a year for a five thousand dollar advance. Actually, there are far more artists who are just making enough to squeak by than there are those lighting their cigars with hundred dollar bills.

Don't forget that Schmitz is a millionaire. He made that money off of various artists who never saw a penny from his site (though there seems to be a belief he did pay off some bigger artists to garner their support). Of course, he also made some of that millions from Ponzi schemes and other scams. The man isn't a saint, and I question if the free exchange of media is his top concern.

Do I think that Megaupload.com is an evil site that deserves to be destroyed? No. YouTube isn't facing any heat, yet it is abundant with copyrighted material. You could argue Megaupload's entire popularity and purpose was to share copyrighted works. YouTube claims to try to monitor copyrighted material, and it is pretty clear Megaupload didn't even make a token effort. But it would be completely unfair of me to claim that all material on their site was copyrighted, because it likely wasn't. I do think that the artist does have the right to have their material removed if they asked, and it looks like that never happened. I don’t support a blacklisting of the site, but I do have less respect for a site that profited from the works of artists who were not compensated.

I say all this without agreeing with the 20 year sentence. That is a little harsh, especially when he was just providing the site for the sharing of the copyrighted media rather than actually distributing it. The major issue with me would come from the fact he knowingly profited from pirated material. I would think a fine and lesser jail time would be the more reasonable sentence (it would be great if the money actually went to the artists who lost out on revenue). I also don't know the entirety of the case and what every charge entails.

But 20 years would still be the same as a convicted killer. So, this still shows how messed up the court system is, right? Well, I'm not here to argue the perfection of the court system, but let's look at this convicted killer.

First of all, I tried Googling Miguel Carano and he didn't show up. I found it odd for it to be so hard to find a convicted killer since that is sort of the thing news site jump all over. I did some more research and realized the guy's name is actually Miguel Carcano. It would have been nice if the photoshopped poster had tried to get the name right. I also found out that the man lives in Spain, and he committed the murder in Spain. The trial was conducted in Spain. They had tried for a sentence of up to 52 years, but it did end up going down to 20 years. He was also cleared of the rape charge. On top of the sentence, it does look like he was forced to pay a fine to all the victim's family members (a small consolation to be sure).

The important part to notice is this was a case in Spain. You can't use this conviction as an attack on the American judicial system because it has as much to do with them as European football standings have to do with who goes to the Super Bowl. The comparison is incredibly flawed in making the argument the meme is trying to prove because they're using two totally different legal systems. Of course, the one person hasn't even been convicted yet and is still in New Zealand, and the extradition hearing to bring him to the US for a trial doesn't begin until February 22.

The meme is wonderful to get one all huffy and puffy, but you're also not bursting into an uproar over actual facts. It is a meme that it is just as realistic as those dancing hamsters. I understand the point is to show a flaw in the legal system and try to demonstrate how big corporations are controlling the court. If you're going to try to make that argument then you probably should not use a millionaire huckster who is yet to be convicted and compare his case to a guy convicted in a totally different country. But then again, what fun would the meme be then?

A Boy & His Dog

2012-01-25T22:06:00.004-05:00

Well, a baby boy. And it isn't exactly "his dog." But let's not get into semantics, but rather just marvel at the massive level of cuteness contained in the photos below.

But how about one with the boy and his beautiful mommy?

Okay.

And this just seems like the perfect way to end a Wednesday (or start a Thursday, depending on when you view this).

Today's Daily Dose of Irony

2012-01-25T19:16:00.002-05:00

In today's "Dad's Eye View" column I discussed how my wife really despises admitting to pain and will do whatever it takes to mask it. I think I did a pretty good job of conveying how tough my wife is, and that the fact she showed any sign of pain during labour really proved how painful it truly was.

Yet I was greeted this evening by, "Your article was really exaggerated."

"How?"

"You said I screamed. I didn't scream."

"Well, you may not have let out a banshee cry, but you made some noise."

"I was grunting because I was pushing. I liked the pushing. It didn't hurt."

"I saw differently. I did write that you were really tough and mentioned it must have been unbearable for you to ever admit to pain."

"It made me sound like a wimp."

"No, it didn't. Did you at least like the article?"

"It wasn't as good as your other articles."

"Why?"

"Because you lied and made made me sound like a wimp."

So, there you go folks. I write an article about how my wife doesn't like to admit to any sort of pain. She tries to refute it by not wanting to admit to any type of pain. I like it when I can get real world examples to support my claims.

Did I mention how much I love my wife lately?

Now Time to Resolve the Baby Birth Cliffhanger

2012-01-25T10:03:00.003-05:00

So, my last "Dad's Eye View" column left you with a bit of a cliffhanger. The midwife couldn't find the fetal heart rate, and I had been instructed to call 911. Things now got pretty scary in the great Spicer Home Birth of 2011. Now, considering most of you have already read my blog post introducing Everett into the world, you may have a pretty good idea on if the heart beat ends up being found or not. But do you know exactly what happened right after that fetal heart beat disappeared? No? Well, then you better check out today's "Dad's Eye View" column over at the very fine Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine site.

"Review Much?": A Plethora of Thoughts on Things I've Read and Watched This Past Year

2012-01-24T09:00:00.004-05:00

I did a few review round ups at the end of last year, but I still epically failed at covering all the different things I've watched and read over 2011. I'm still not going to catch everything here, but I've got a few thoughts on some of the stuff I've read/watched this year.

And if you checked out one of the above collection of reviews, you'll notice I promised a full in depth review of Stephen King's first short story collection, Night Shift, and I do intend on writing that up still. For today, it is a grab bag of assorted review of things that I vaguely remember watching and reading.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone: I jumped on this train a few years late. I didn't read this book for the first time until 2007, when I had to do it for a University course. I steered clear of the novel up until that point for two reasons. One was the fact it was so popular at the time and I was just sick of hearing about it constantly. The other reason was that almost everyone who had read it kept telling me how much I'd love the novel. I have had a bad experience with entertainment that is heavily hyped and people "guarantee" that I'll love it. I remember people promising that Napoleon Dynamite would be a nonstop laughfest and Gladiator was one of the most epic films ever (and since I love Braveheart, I'd be amazed). Well, I ended up hating both movies, and I think a lot of it was due to super raised expectations going into it. I've since re-watched Gladiator, and I did end up really liking it -- so, I realize a lot of the original hate just comes from people promising it will be an all-time favourite.

I'm happy to admit that Harry Potter was the exception to the rule. I fell in love with this book instantly, and gobbled it up in less than two days (it helps the first book is really short). I love entertainment that reminds me of the magic and excitement I had as a child. There were certain works that had the power to sweep me off to far off worlds and lands, and it would cause my imagination to soar to amazing heights. This novel had the ability to do this to me as an adult, and filled me with fond memories of my childhood. I sort of wish this book existed when I was a child, because I'd have had a blast creating my own versions of the Potter universe in my backyard.

J.K. Rowling does an unbelievable job of creating this fantastic world with its own mythology and history. It is the type of world building that most fantasy writers wish they could do as half as well. The scope is remarkable and the depth of characters is unparalleled. You're going to have to look at epics like The Lord of the Rings to find a universe that is so meticulously constructed and filled with such fascinating creatures.

I tried to come up with some criticisms of the first novel, but any I found were quickly squashed when I realized, "Oh yeah, this is a kid's book." The writing can be simplistic in parts, and the storytelling has a habit of going "this and then this and then this." It is also being written for people in elementary school and so you'd lose them if you went too in depth or complicated. The fact that I have to remind myself it is a "kid's book" shows how this novel does a fantastic job of appealing to several generations. It is one of the all-time classic works of fantasy despite not even being 20 years old yet.

You may be wondering why I'm reviewing a book that I read back in 2007, but that is because I did reread it in 2011. And I'm sure this will be a book that will get reread several times over the next several years and decades (and I can't wait for my son to start reading the series either).

Once Upon a Time: And now for another series that shifts from the "real" world to the "fantasy" world. I missed a few episodes at the end of 2011 due to spending a ridiculous amount of time typing in front of my computer, but I've been able to catch up with the new batch that has been served up this year. I'm really loving this series, and enjoying the "flashbacks" that are slowly revealing each fairy tale characters' history. My favourite was the episode that spotlighted Rumpelstiltskin, because it actually showed him as a sympathetic character and revealed that his "evilness" came from making a bad decision (which was done in an attempt to "protect" his son). I like when characters are "shades of grey" rather than pure good and pure evil, and this series has done a great job in showing some sympathetic elements in their main villains (there was also an episode that showed the evil queen's love for her father, but she sacrificed him due to her obsession with getting rid of Snow White). I'm also enjoying the twists on the well-known fairy tales, and how they've tried to incorporate all the characters into one main universe.

If the writers are patient and they plot out well in advance, then this show has potential to go strong for several seasons. It may take some "writer gymnastics" to continue to have Emma not fully believe Henry, especially when he continues to turn out to be right. I also think they can continue the series long after Emma finds out the truth, because if she knows there is a curse doesn't mean she'll instantly be able to vanquish it.

I'm also intrigued by the writer character that just mysteriously showed up in the last episode. I wonder what exactly his tie to the fantasy world is. Did he write the fairy tale book that Henry had that told him about the other world? Is this man the creator of the other universe? Did Emma basically talk to the fairy tale god? Or is he just some schmuck carrying a typewriter (dude, it's the 2010s!) who just happened to stumble upon the crazy town of Storybrooke (which then means Henry is wrong that no visitors ever come to the village). I'm not sure what direction they will go, but I do know I'm hooked.

Inglourious Basterds: I really like Quentin Tarantino. I want to throw that out there right away. Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction are too of my all-time favourite films and are examples of why he is a brilliant film maker. I also think he has now created a rep of being a quirky and "70s grind house" style filmmaker, and he feels he has to live up to that standard. It means he'll add some elements that aren't necessary to the story or film. He'll put in symbolism that actually hampers the message. I liked this movie; I really did. I felt the Tarantino style was actually a detriment in parts. He added "camp" that should have been played serious. He threw in his "charm" and "quirk" at times that made the film a mess rather than make it feel original. His style isn't original anymore -- that is the problem. He wants to continue to be an innovator in film making then he needs to break away from his "style" and actually try to something unexpected.

This movie was completely mistitled. The Basterds were around for about half of the film. It should have been called A Little Jewish Girl Who Buys a Cinema and Uses It to Exact Her Revenge on the Nazis. Okay, that title sucks too, but it would have at least given me a better idea of what the movie is about. The Basterds main purpose seemed to be to screw up the girls plans, and prove they maybe weren't the amazing fighting machines that we assumed they were. I found it frustrating that we were lead to believe they were this elite Nazi hunting force, yet they were so easily tricked and duped at the climax of the film.

I also think the film would have played better if they kept the camp to strictly when the Basterds were on the screen and played things more seriously for the girl's scenes. It would have been a nice juxtaposition and also displayed Tarantino's message better. Then you could have the two elements and styles crash together at the end of the film. I also want to throw in that I felt it disappointing that they did all this hinting at the Nazi general possibly knowing about the girl's plan but never gave the proper pay off to that storyline. I felt the film was a mess in parts, and critics and awards shows may have given Tarantino the benefit of the doubt due to his reputation.

I also want to make it clear that I really did like the movie. Tarantino is the master of atmosphere and creating unique dialogue. It was a fun popcorn mucher. I just felt it could have been much better, and it was Tarantino's need to follow a certain style that hurt the film.

A Time to Kill: I'm a big John Grisham fan, but after all his novels, I still think his very first book is the best. Grisham had a message and a story he passionately wanted to tell, and he didn't have the reputation of legal thrillers to hamper his style. It allowed for a raw and rough book that wasn't afraid to show the dirty and horrid side of society. It doesn't paint the Deep South in a flattering way, but it also doesn't make most of the characters appear straight evil either. It has lots of grey. The novel doesn't even try to resolve all the issues or allow good to full triumph. It leaves you a little unsettled. It presents "protagonists" that you don't totally feel comfortable with. This is why I love this novel so much. It reflects the real world with all its grime and skeletons in the closet. Grisham has a message he really wanted to tell, and he does it the most compelling and engrossing way possible. Grisham is a fantastic novelist, but his best story will always likely be the one he first published.

What happens when a black man kills two white boys that brutally raped his daughter? More importantly, what happens when this was done in the Deep South where racial tension still exists? It is a story that works on many levels. I am sure many fathers can relate to the rage the character felt when his child had been violated and he wasn't able to protect his precious child. I've been a father for less than a month, but I still already have an ingrained instinct inside that tells me that I will protect my son at all costs. Then this novel throws in the race card, and makes us look at the racism that still exists. Yes, this novel is set in the Deep South, but the reality is, racism doesn't just reside there. It doesn't just plague the United States. This story often made me think about the many issues and tensions that exist right here in Brantford. This book from the mid-80s about the Deep South still resonates with a Canadian living in the early 2010s.

I also find this book fascinating by the behaviour and dialogue that slips in. I am pretty sure Grisham would never write a protagonist to talk and behave this way in a novel written now. The characters constantly throw out the vile "N" word and most of the times are driving while chugging back a six pack. The novel really is a window into a decade that truly is long past, and shows how much our society has already changed. I also recently read John Grisham's The Confession, which is another great book, and it really jumped out at me how different the characters are despite dealing with similar matter. His recent novel also explores racism and how the convicted was unfairly treated likely due to his skin colour, but the language and behaviour is so different compared to A Time to Kill. The difference is likely due to the novels being written in different decades that contain very different mindsets.

Hell on Wheels: I never totally got behind the main character or engrossed in the story of this AMC series set right after the American Civil War. I stuck to the show, because I thought the setting and atmosphere was fantastic. I am a history buff, so I really wanted to like this show. I've now got several episodes behind, and I'm wondering if it is worth trying to catch up. Does anyone watch this series? Did it start to get better after the first few episodes?

Horrible Bosses/30 Minutes or Less: I'm lumping these two movies together, because they both had the same problem. I wanted to see them both, because they had actors that I'm fans of and who usually have pretty funny movies. The trailer looked amusing for both of these films. The problem is that Hollywood has fallen into a comedy film formula that they've decided makes money and gets asses in the plush cinema cushion seats. This formula has essentially created films that are passable, but don't stand out in anyway. You walk away thinking it was fine, but you also end up forgetting everything about it before you fall asleep. There wasn't any major laugh out loud moments or anything that sticks in my head for 5 minutes. The movies were okay, but I don't want okay. I want hilarious and memorable. I wanted the actors to do something crazy and create characters that you'd laugh about many years later. Instead, it was two movies that were just sort of there and pulled off the same type of jokes I've been watching for years. The comedy film is getting stale, and it is time for a director to be brave and present something very different. You know, something that is funny -- but not something that was funny two years ago. I know those jokes. I want something new, and something that will make Coke shoot out of my nostrils. My nostrils haven't had a good dose of Coke in a long time.

A Complicated Kindness: Miriam Toews novel about a teenage Mennonite girl trying to cope in her small community with her father after both her mother and sister left is really unique. I know this novel with no clear plot and from the perspective of an angsty teenage girl isn't for everyone. I'm sure someone will get frustrated with the nonlinear storytelling and the fact Nomi jumps all over the place with her thoughts. I thought, Miriam did an amazing job of making it seem like the authentic journal of a girl who is wrestling with her beliefs and trying to understand what is going on with her family. I didn't see the novel as an attack on religion, but rather one that questions ideologies and mindlessly following dogma. It is an extremely deep novel, especially for one that retells numerous tales about smoking up and chilling out in the back of a truck (not what you peg for profound storytelling). I was compelled by the book because it really seemed like the authentic thoughts of a teenager that is rebelling against the conformity of a religion that has been pushed on her by the community. It isn't just all rebellion and anarchy. There is sweetness, especially in the deep relationship between Nomi and her father. There is also a unique bond and love between the entire family even if the mother and sister are long departed. It is definitely one of my favourite novels, and something that dares to try something unique and different.

Suburgatory: Speaking of something that dares to try something different, this is a sitcom that actually is fresh, funny, and original. It has done a fair balance of tackling real issues while also not being afraid to be a little off the wall. The characters in this suburb are ridiculous and over the top, but somehow the writers are still able to make them relatable and people you care about. It helps that Tessa and her father are strong characters and realistically portrayed (and have a wonderful relationship), and thus helps to hold the whole thing together.

I find that How I Met Your Mother and The Office have started to get a little stale and are stuck on a treadmill. I watch them more out of the fact I've been committed to them for so many years and that they do have their occasional classic episode. Meanwhile, Suburgatory has consistently been able to present fresh stories and you know, actually make me laugh. It is nice to actually laugh during show that claims it is supposed to be funny. I still think Modern Family owns the crown for best sitcom, but Suburgatory is a worthy challenger.

Wasting Light: I didn't watch or read this latest album by the Foo Fighters, but I did love it. As most of the bands I've grown up with have either disbanded or stuck to the occasional reunion tour, it is nice to have the fighters of foo to consistently knock out high quality albums. I can't think of an album from them that hasn't at least jammed half the CD with blow away songs and the rest with stuff that eventually grows on you. This album is no exception, but this time I fell in love with almost everything on this disc. The songs have a nice mix of super hard rocking anthems to some sweet little ballads to songs you can't properly define but love anyway. It's perfect Foo Fighters and a CD that would have got way more play this year if we didn't hide all our CDs away during renovations earlier in 2011.

I've got way more books and CDs and films that I'd like to babble on and on about, but this should be enough to fill you up for today.

Life Lessons Learned from my Wife's Moans

2012-01-20T09:32:00.002-05:00

Okay, maybe I didn't learn things specifically from any moans my wife ever did. But she did moan on Boxing Day, and on that day I definitely did learn a few things. What were they? Oh, you'll have to check out today's "Dad's Eye View" column to get the answer to that. So, why don't you do exactly that? Serious, why not? I promise your work will still be here when you get back.

Go read Part 2 of the ongoing adventure that is Everett's oh-so-exciting entrance into this world.

Thursdays Don't Seem Like a Good Day For Blogging, But are a Fine Evening for Pictures

2012-01-19T21:52:00.007-05:00

I was quite occupied today, so the blog was left desolate and deserted.

But to make up for that fact, I offer you pictures of pure cuteness.

Before You Go Hugging a Panda, Check Out My Latest "Dad's Eye View" Column

2012-01-18T13:25:00.003-05:00

I know, I told you most of the internet was blacked out and so you should go find something else to do, but of course, I meant after you moseyed on over to Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine where my latest "Dad's Eye View Column" has been published.

You'll really want to check this one out, because it is the start of my several part story about Everett's entrance into this world. It is quite the adventure, and so you'll not want to miss out. Today I reflect upon that Christmas Day where we thought we had some "fact contractions" and then early Boxing Day morning lets us know what they really were. Check out the column and discover what we were doing early Boxing Day morning (it was likely more exciting that what you had on tap).

My Thoughts on SOPA & PIPA

2012-01-18T10:45:00.007-05:00

I've made my stance on copyright infringement and "piracy" clear in the past.

A person who creates art and entertainment has rights to that created work. There is a moral and legal obligation to protect those rights. A creative person puts a lot of hard work and time into their creation, and so they have the right to choose how their creation is presented and used. The artist deserves to maintain their rights and get their proper compensation. I am also saying this because my very livelihood and ability to support my family hinges on copyright laws. I create works and sell it on a daily basis, and I rely on my ability to maintain the rights to what I've created.

Despite saying all this, I think SOPA & PIPA are some of the most harmful and dangerous legislation that has ever threatened to be passed.

I compare it to the equivalent of me looking in the mirror and noticing a zit is on my nose. I then decided to fix this problem by beheading myself. Yes, I got the zit off my body, but now I'm also dead. It is solving the problem by causing far more.

I haven't decided if SOPA & PIPA are just really extreme acts to control copyright violations and internet piracy (Yar!) or if the copyright portion of the act is a disguise to help push forward governments' long term wet dream of finally controlling the internet.

This is the problem. These acts are a direct violation of freedom of speech and the exchange of ideas on the internet. It allows the mass blacklisting of websites without almost any just cause. It'll allow major corporations and entities to block sites that they don't agree with under the disguise of the site violating some type of copyright law. It is censorship to the highest degree and will harm all the things that make the internet a worthwhile endeavor.

Under how these acts are currently written, my own site would be blocked and blacklisted. This act will do a rather nasty job of crushing any other media start-ups. It will actually absolutely suck dry any form of free speech and free exchange on any of the social media sites. The internet will become a police state.

Some people want to paint SOPA & PIPA as the protector of artists and copyrights. As I've said before, I am totally in agreement with protecting copyrights, and feel artists have rights to their creation. But these acts are not the way to do it. The language is too lazily constructed and the measures are far too extreme. I actually think these acts will harm the potential for new artists to be discovered and rise up through the internet. These acts will actually be harmful for the creation of creative and innovative works.

Copyrights are not some construct that just protects the fat cat media heads of entertainment conglomerates. They're extremely valuable to the small artist who create works in their basement and are just struggling to get by. I'm far from rich, but I rely on copyright laws. But this act actually is beneficial to your big billion dollar entertainment conglomerates, and essentially nobody else. If there is any benefit to these acts, then they are left worthless by the censorship that is being imposed.

I think the biggest proof of SOPA and PIPA's harm is demonstrated by artists that are allowing their sites to go black in protest today. These are talented individuals that rely on copyrights to protect their works, but they don't feel SOPA and PIPA are going to be worth anything to them.

I encourage you to follow some of the links on those sites and sign the petition if you agree these legislations are harmful.

And if you have no clue what the heck SOPA or PIPA are, then well, read up on that too.

Since most of the internet is black today anyway, you mind as well go find a panda and hug it (or do something else non-internet related).

12 Wondrous Ways to Celebrate Betty White's 90th Birthday

2012-01-17T12:29:00.007-05:00

1. Make a vaguely funny, pop culture laden tribute to Betty White on your blog, because a fan begged you to do something for the television icon (or maybe that is just me?)

2. Re-enact your favourite The Golden Girls moments with the '80s Golden Girl action figures. I think, the one on the top right is Rose.

3. Head down to Cleveland and wander the streets in nothing but a Speedo and constantly moan, "It is so hot here." It's Cleveland, so likely no one will notice.

4. Challenge a team of elderly ladies to a game of football, but arm them with nothing but Snickers bars. If TV is anything close to reality, they should do fine.

5. Find a person from different generations, and get them to describe the character they most associate Betty White with playing. Then sit back and enjoy as they tear each other apart for "describing the wrong character." Here is to Betty White for never getting type casted and playing so many different roles (just compare Sue Anne Nivens (The Mary Tyler Moore Show) to Rose Nylund (The Golden Girls).

6. Go to Lake Placid and find some nice, older ladies. Then offer to help do some chores for them, but do them in the worst and most incompetent way possible. Keep messing things up until you get them to start swearing at you. Come home and say, "Lake Placid is okay, but there is far too much old lady swearing."

7. Go on YouTube and watch this kind of comedic awesome.

8. Go on a road trip to find St. Olaf, Minnesota, so you can see how many stop lights they have now.

9. Make an ice sculpture of Betty White (or buy one on Kijiji), and then start saying really sweet and romantic things to it until it melts.

10. Play the "Try to Find a Funny Show Betty White Hasn't Made a Guest Appearance On" game. If that is too easy then play the "Try to Find a Guest Appearance by Betty White That Isn't Hilarious" game. If that is too easy then play Balderdash (it is fun).

11. Make a cake of a clown and call it Chuckles, and then feed it to an elephant.

12. Walk your dog in the rain (this really isn't a pop culture reference to anything regarding Betty White, but I did it today and it seemed like a pretty good way to spend her birthday).

Now, a Moment Where I'm Petty and Vindictive. . .

2012-01-16T10:40:00.004-05:00

I hope you enjoy your golfing season, Green Bay Packers.

I know, I know, my Chicago Bears have been perfecting their golf game for a few weeks now. Ever since my Bears decided to fart all over their last few games, I had to come up with something different to keep me entertained for the remainder of the football season. This meant it was now time for me to root against the hated rivals of the Chicago Bears, the Green Bay Packers. It was my duty as a Bears fan to cheer against the Packers and earnestly hope that they didn't pull off a repeat Super Bowl win.

And now I'm very satisfied to see them booted before they even get to compete in the NFC Championship. Way to blow the playoffs, Packers.

I actually had a few discussions over the previous weeks how I was sure that the Packers would not be able to win the championship again even though they had an absolutely stellar regular season (looked like it would be an undefeated season almost right to the end). They had a lot of momentum and they're a championship calibre team (obviously), but an amazing regular season doesn't always translate to a championship run in the NFL. Of all the major American sports leagues, it is the NFL that the playoffs perfectly fit into the whole saying of "playoffs are a whole new season." It is a single elimination playoffs, which opens up huge opportunities for big upsets. It is also the sort of sport where you can do some pretty serious shuffling of your play calling and play style, and figure out what did and didn't work during the regular season. There are a few cases where you end up looking at some pretty different teams come playoff time (because they've drastically revised their style).

Plus history shows that sometimes the team that dominated the regular season takes a losers exit come playoff time. In 1970, you had a powerhouse Minnesota Vikings getting knocked out by the massive underdog team of the San Francisco 49ers. In 2005, you had a hot Indianapolis Colts team with a fantastic 14-2 record but ended up being shown the door by the very team they thumped in the regular season, the Pittsburgh Steelers. But back '95, Colts were the mediocre teams that squeaked out a shocking playoff win over the super powered Kansas City Chiefs. In 1997, the second season year old baby Jacksonville Jaguars sneaked into the playoff and then completely shook things up with a massive upset over John Elway's powerful Denver Broncos. So yeah, there is a pretty solid history of a powerful regular season team being knocked out in the playoffs. It happens enough that I was almost sure it would be the end results for the Packers. Or at least, I was really, really, really hoping.

The sweeter part is the big win by the Giants over the Packers is eerily similar to what the Packers did last year. Both teams went into the season as Super Bowl hopefuls, but had some pretty rocky stretches throughout the regular season (Packers last year and Giants this year). Both teams didn't clinch their playoff spot until the final week of the season (sadly, last year Packers clinched their spot by beating the Bears, which would then come back to haunt my team in the NFC Championship). Then they both made a remarkable and dominant run in their respective playoffs. It really hurts me to admit that the Packers played marvelously last year in the playoff. It makes me feel much better to note that they just got kicked out by a team that is following their formula. Giants were expected to have a good season but it wasn't anything spectacular, but they've had a hell of a playoff run so far. They've got some white hot momentum going into the NFC Championship, and I wouldn't be shocked if they have some pretty rings at the end of these playoffs.

This blog post isn't about the Giants' Super Bowl chances. No, this blog is about gloating over the Packers not being able to win a single playoff game this year. This blog post is about my joy that there season is done, and I don't have to hear any more Packers fans cheer and celebrate their dreadful team. The Packer talk is now done until next season.

Yes, I'm petty. Yes, I'm vindictive. But unlike most Packer fans today, I'm also really happy.

The Exclusive Interview with a "The House of Mirth" Advocate

2012-01-14T22:39:00.006-05:00

I did a review of The House of Mirth earlier this week, or more to the point, I did a butchering of that dull novel. On that day, I had one of my smallest number of visits in weeks. I initially thought it was proof that the novel was truly a glowing example of dullness, because people didn't even want to bother reading a review about the book (though I think my review was far more entertaining than the actual tome).

Then I realized the dip in visitors had nothing to do with interest. But instead, it was a concentrated attack by a group of avid The House of Mirth supporters. They were enraged by my attack of the novel, and thus did a full scale assault on my blog. They mounted a protest that decreased my visitors and hoped to continue to undermine my blog.

They are starting their very own "Occupy Spicer" protest in order to show their unified anger over my criticism of their beloved novel. It will be the type of ferocious attack that only can be truly perpetuated by the monocle wearing and cane carrying crowd. It will be a dangerous time, but I think I can weather the storm. I will not back down on my stance on The House of Mirth and my belief it is a story that inspires me to pour Drano in my eyes.

I thought, in order to properly understand my attackers, that I would confront them and ask them the important questions. So, here is my exclusive interview with one of the Mirthers (this is what they call themselves).

Me: Hi there. I hear you're starting an "Occupy Spicer" protest.

Mirther: Indeed.

Me: Um, why?

Mirther: Why you ask? Why? Oh because you blasphemed against one of the most sacred of blessed tomes.

Me: I really didn't. I said it was well written. I just couldn't relate to the main character or get engaged with the story.

Mirther: Of course not! You're not prepared for the wonders it is ready to unleash. You're just a commoner. You can't appreciate the depth and class that pours from the blessed tome.

Me: It is just about a bunch of rich people that go to country homes or lavish parties or cruise on big boats or eat extravagant dinners. And its message about woman has been said before in better and more interesting books. But hey, I realize some recognize it as a classic, but it just doesn't appear to be my thing. I can appreciate that you love it.

Mirther: Love it?!? I worship it. It is the blessed tome. Yip Yip!

Me: Yip Yip?

Mirther: Yeah, apparently it is something you think rich people say, and since I am a figment of your imagination you've decided I must say it from time to time.

Me: Makes sense.

Mirther: But what doesn't make sense is the fact you even thought you could touch the book with your current standing in life.

Me: Not only did I touch it, but I got it soaking wet. The pages are totally crinkled now. I'm thinking, I might just throw it out.

Mirther: I'm about to slap you with my white glove and demand a duel. You dared to wet the book?

Me: Not on purpose. I just didn't tighten my water bottle enough when I had both in my backpack.

Mirther: Ugh. You carry a back pack. No wonder you didn't like the book. You're an ogre.

Me: I look nothing like Shrek. But once a girl said I look like the guy from Neverending Story 2.

Mirther: Why would one waste their time on a story that never ends? Especially when you have the most amazing book with the best of endings.

Me: Yet no one gets to the end because it is so goddamned boring.

Mirther: You besmirch! Oh I see a duel challenge coming.

Me: I see a vein popping on your forehead. Seriously, why do you assume I am unworthy of this book?

Mirther: Well, you admitted the reasons in your very blog post. You don't wear a monocle or don a smoking jacket or own a bear skin run or wear a top hat. You are not equipped with the essentials of being worthy of reading such a classic.

Me: I hate to break it to you, but in the class where I studied that book, nobody had any of the things you mentioned.

Mirther: Well, it was populated by ladies, and so they. . .

Me: They didn't wear taco feather hats like the girl on the cover.

Mirther: Oh you heathen. That is not what she is wearing.

Me: I know. She would probably look a lot less silly if she was wearing an actual taco. I'd at least be more interested in finishing the book. Actually, I'd probably still not finish and have lunch at Taco Bell.

Mirther: You're an unrefined brute.

Me: So, when do I get the glove slap?

Mirther: You're not worthy. Besides, my glove is in the wash.

Me: Figures. Ketchup popsicles?

Mirther: Gets me every time.

Me: Yeah, I really hope they catch that guy.

Mirther: I will not talk to you anymore. You disgrace me. You own nothing of substance.

Me: I own a pocket watch.

Mirther: Nay. Nay. NAY!

Me: No seriously, I do. It has my name inscribed on it and everything.

Mirther: You cannot. Such a thing almost starts to put you in our class. This is impossibility.

Me: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I never wear it and not entirely sure where it is at the moment.

Mirther: A piggle swot.

Me: Huh?

Mirther: It is another thing you assume rich folks say. Since I'm. . .

Me: Yeah, I know. Figment of my imagination. Anyway, this really hasn't been much of an interview.

Mirther: Yeah, you really mislead your readers up there.

Me: If they've stuck with me this long, they're used to be disappointed.

Mirther: Anyway, I should not be talking to you. You’re the enemy.

Me: What if I promise to finished the novel. Eventually.

Mirther: Will you wear a top hat and read the novel near a beat skin rug?

Me: I can put on my toque and read it near my dog.

Mirther: Is he big?

Me: 85 pounds.

Mirther: Okay, we have a deal.

Me: Yip yip.

When I Learn a Lesson from Baby Furniture

2012-01-13T12:54:00.003-05:00

I was in charge of setting up our nursery, but when I was ready to start, it was now magically done. How did this happen? Well, you can find out in today's "Dad's Eye View" column. I talk about how the nursery was set up with out me, and the lesson that I learned from that happening. It was a moment where I learned that I may have to be a bit more proactive if I want to play a major part in this whole parenting deal. Check out the article, and be sure to leave your thoughts over there.

Oops! Sorry, Your Marriage was Just Pretend

2012-01-13T10:44:00.003-05:00

There is a pretty big case going on right now where a government lawyer is arguing a lesbian couple can't divorce, because the countries they're from don't acknowledge same sex marriages. This is despite the fact they came to Canada to get married. They were one of thousands of couples that came to this country to get officially married, because their own country would not recognize their right to be married. Now, this government lawyer is essentially saying that all those marriages were a sham and just a really expensive game of "make-belief", because it doesn't count if their home country doesn't recognize it. This of course has upset several married same sex couples to suddenly discover that they're marriage has as much merit as all the marriages between a stuffed Dora Explorer doll and Tickle-Me-Elmo toy that takes place in many little's girl's bedrooms.

At this point, Stephen Harper is claiming ignorance to the case and the lawyer's stance. I am not about to call our Prime Minster a liar. I do question how he isn't aware of things being spouted by his government's lawyer or how his government would allow their lawyer to say something they don't agree with. I do hope he does catch up on all the facts really quickly or this is going to make Canada look like a joke. "Hey look, it is the country that likes to perform pretend marriages!"

I know this is an issue revolving around divorce, and the government is apparently looking into ways that couples of same sex marriages (who wedded here but lived in countries that don't recognize them) can still undo their marriage. I really don't think this is the issue that has caused the uproar. The main problem is that a government lawyer essentially declared thousands of marriages annulled and set back several years of progress. It was a cold and spineless statement. Cold because it just did harm to several loving and committed marriages (by saying they aren't real). It was spineless because it showed Canada's inability to stick to a decision they made, and instead allowing other governments to dictate their policies. But again, I have to hope this was a lawyer going rogue and not parroting the Harper government's stance.

I've made my stance clear in the past on same sex marriage, and so if you've forgotten be sure to check out those prior articles. I'm going to try to avoid reiterating past rants here. I do think that if this is some kind of strategy by the Harper government to devalue same sex marriages (an argument I'm hearing be thrown around) then it is an attempt to appease the "moral right" that is highly valued by the current Conservative government. It has been made clear that several members of Harper's government are opposed to same sex marriages, and Harper himself is pretty good at talking around the issue (though that may be more of the case of being careful to not upset who he views as his main voters rather than his actual stance). If this thing starts to grow over the coming weeks then we're likely in store for more of the whole 'institution of marriage" and "equality" debate that has been raging on for decades (but intensified this past 10 or so years). I'm still waiting for a solid argument as to why two loving people committed to each other will bring flaming meteorites and mass destruction upon us all (or in the very least, suddenly do some harm to my own wonderful marriage).

When I first heard about this story, I was given the impression the invalidation of same sex marriage couples outside of Canada (but wed here) was coming directly from the Harper government. I had a bunch of bile in store for Harper based off his statement that they weren't willing to re-open the discussion on what constitutes marriage (despite that being done with the lawyer claiming some marriages aren't real). As of now, it seems the statement can best be interpreted as Harper standing behind same sex marriages and trying to reassure the general populace his government isn't trying to devalue same sex Canadian couples (while claiming to not know the specifics of the case that has brought forth the current outcry). The fact is, the lawyer most definitely did reopen the definition of marriage debate when he announced several couples aren't actually married. Unless Harper goes on record to say the lawyer was mistaken, then the debate been started up again and it is his government's duty to clarify their own stance on the matter. As of now, same sex marriage is legal in this country and it was a place that other couples could also get married. This all of sudden has been challenged by someone associated with the Harper government, and so it is of paramount importance this gets quickly addressed. Otherwise, the issues have been reopened and a key piece of legislation in this country has been challenged.

I know this entire issue will spark some "libertarian views" on why government should be staying out of marriage. I don't disagree with that point, but it is also an issue of "too late". They have been involved with marriage, and they can't just back out now. The reality is marriage has been made a government issue, and so it is an issue they have to start resolving. If eventually the government starts making a move where they state, "This not an issues that concerns us” then fine, but it will have to be gradual and after the current mess is solved.

Of course, there is still potential this isn't a mess at all. Those who claim the Harper government has nullified same sex marriage are jumping ahead a few chapters in this story. Harper is currently claiming ignorance. Though if he just ignores the issue and doesn't address something soon, then yes, the government has essentially nullified several marriages. Then there is the problem of what same sex marriage means in this country and the debate has been reopened when it shouldn't have had to happen.

I've made my stance on the Harper government clear. I don't usually trust them when it comes to issues like this. For right now, I have to remain optimistic and not think this was a plan by the government to devalue same sex marriage. I have my doubts, but for now, I'll just have to wait to see what direction they decide to take in the coming days.

I'm Sorry I Ignored You Today, but as an Apology Have an Uplifting Song

2012-01-12T20:45:00.005-05:00

Or at least, it seems upbeat and poppy.

This is the latest tune from USS (Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker) called "Yo Hello Hooray." This may very well be the best song with a title that took 3 seconds to come up with played by the band with the most incomprehensible name ever. So yeah, names might not be their thing, but they can play a pretty fun song.

I actually had full intention of blogging today, but Thursday is a slippery one and totally slid from my grasp. I did get many important things done, but none of those were blogging things. Trust me this is good, because it means you'll likely have some rather fun things for your public consumption in the future. But for now, I'll have to just tease you with that.

How has your Thursday been?

Fatherhood Fears

2012-01-11T11:11:00.002-05:00

Believe it or not, I did have some fears and anxiety about the arrival of my little Everett. I documented those fears in a column I wrote back in December, but you can now read it in January over at Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine. It is funny reading this post now and realizing a lot of my fears actually came true. But the important part was that none of them really mattered in the end because I got a happy, healthy, and beautiful baby (and mommy -- but she was already around before the delivery).

So, go give it a read and leave a comment while you're at it.

I Slog Through "The House of Mirth" Because Someone Decided It Was a Classic

2012-01-11T09:29:00.006-05:00

I like to pretend that I have refined tastes and a sophisticated palate when it comes to entertainment. But I also admit that is a total fraud and a charade I perpetuate so I can get into exclusive dinner parties (or really any place that I can get a free meal). My tastes can't be too refined when one of my favourite current shows is basically prime time soap opera trash (Revenge), I consider Star Wars the measuring stick for quality films, Nirvana is my version of high class music, and I lap up absolutely everything done by Stephen King. I'm not even close to being the poster boy for "high class entertainment."

But like I said, I do like to pretend. So, I delve into the occasional award winning documentary, I seek out the "golden era" cinematic masterpieces, I'll attend the sporadic symphony, and I read my share of classic literature. Most of the time, I actually enjoy myself. Sure, there is a clear lack of hard guitar riffs or brain eating zombies, but I'm usually able to walk away feeling very entertained. I think I do a rather fine job of enjoying both the pedigree and the bowels of the entertainment world.

Actually, I'd go as far as to say that some of the classic and highly regarded entertainment is some of my very favourite. I'm a big fan of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and I love Lords of the Flies, and both are not only considered classic literature but are regularly debated by the highly educated scholars. I can be entertained by the classics and hold my own when chatting it up with the literary snobs (though the conversation may sour when I address them that way).

But in my effort to read classics and be well read, I stumble upon some high regarded literature that amuses me as much as a screwdriver up the nostril. The specific book I'm referring to is Edith Wharton's The House of Mirth. I own this novel because I needed it for my Woman in Literature course back in University, though I'm not sure how much I really needed it since I aced the course without ever really opening up the book. It has been occupying space on my book shelf for about four years now, and so I thought it was time to actually read it. The cover of a lady wearing a hat that looks like a giant taco holding feathers wasn't the most appealing, but I thought since I own it then I should eventually read it (plus it would be nice to see how close my essay actually got to describing what I assumed the book was about). To my credit I got to page 125, but I even got there thanks to the power of skimming and skipping. Now, I'm reading Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Tunes into TV and I'm finding myself far more entertained (but I'm still telling myself it is only a matter of time before I need to plow through ol' Wharton's "masterpiece").

I know what you're probably telling yourself, "Christopher doesn't appreciate that wonderful piece of literature because it is about women's struggle in high society in the late 1800s/early 1900s because he has a penis thus can never appreciate such a dilemma." That sounds like a rather sound criticism except it is completely wrong. My dislike can't be due to it being about the suffering of women's place in society or even to do with being a part of high society, because I'm a big fan of Kate Chopin's The Awakening -- which deals with both those issues. The Awakening is also several hundred pages lighter and has a main character that I actually give a few rips about.

I want to make something clear here though. I recognize that Edith Wharton is a wonderful writer. I also will admit that The House of Mirth is wonderfully written. The prose is beautiful and the skill is beyond obvious. It is a well craft piece of literature when it comes to the use of description and language. The language is well crafted enough that I will be able to get through this book with some super skimming.

My problem is I can't relate to the protagonist Lily Bart. I actually can't relate or even like anyone I've encountered in this novel. I have a feeling that I am not really supposed to either. This is fine, because I've enjoyed fiction where there aren’t any real likeable characters. In that case, usually it is at least a situation that I find fascinating. I am not really getting a kick out of reading incredibly rich people have weekends at their country house or parties on their big boats or them going on and on and on about how a woman's job is to marry someone rich. At the same time, those themes can't be the absolute turn off because that is partly the story going on in The Awakening too. I found Edna Pontellier to be a far more relatable and likeable character. I understood her struggle and why she felt trapped. Lily Bart just seems like a ditz that keeps causing all her own problems (and I realize that is sort of the point of the story, but at some point I need to actually feel bad for her in order to care at all).

I know that The House of Mirth is all fancy, dancey, highly touted, classic literature. And lovers of this book can just claim my criticism is proof that I'm nothing more than an ogre and can't appreciate fine works. I'm sorry but your literary snobbery doesn't hold any weight here. I argue that The House of Mirth is basically the early 1900s equivalent of Krazy Kardashians (or whatever that reality pap is called with the sisters I'm begging to be shipped to the moon for good). The crap on the E! Network has a following because people like watching the lifestyles of rich people and see all the pettiness they unleash on a daily basis. As far as I can tell after 125 pages, that is likely the same appeal this book held back then. It showed how the rich lived. It made the rich look really petty. The novel has some validity because Wharton was from that circle of society.

So, you can criticize me for my tastes or lack of refinement, but I don't really think this novel is that much different than some of the pap we're tortured with on a daily basis. It isn't exactly the same. I realize this is incredibly well written unlike the garbage I'm comparing it to. I know the novel uses big words and all the literary devices my professors told me to use if I wanted to be a 'real and respected' author. It also has deeper messages and a great use of imagery. I also think the message has been told in other works, and works that happen to not bore the hell out of me.

I don't know, maybe I'm just not in the right place to enjoy this novel properly. Maybe I should don a top hat, put on a monocle and retreat to the fireplace in my study. Then maybe I'll read it and declare, "Yip Yip! This is a mighty good yarn that I can both relate and love. Fetch me my Scotch, Alfred."

I said Alfred because that is the name of Bruce Wayne's butler. I'd rather think of Dark Knight Rises than keep on allowing this novel take up my thoughts. See, I'm just not in the right place yet -- I'll have to find a smoking jacket and a bear skin rug soon.

I am going to try to slog through this novel. Partly because my obsessive side doesn't do well with knowing I have an unfinished book on the shelf. I'll power through this thing and maybe glue a page together so I can get to the end quickly. Who knows, maybe I'll realize I'm just not being fair and the problem was I was too eager to read some of my other books. Maybe this is going to be the novel that changes my life and by page 363 it'll have captured my heart.

Wait, page 363? How long is this thing?!?

483 pages?!?! I mean sure Uncle John is over 500 and Stephen King's books are big enough to down a Yeti, but they also don't constantly spend 10 pages at a time with the character debating if she should walk across the room to talk to the handsome man or play another game of bridge instead.

Maybe I can convince Crosby to eat this book???

About Today's "Dad's Eye View" Column

2012-01-10T11:42:00.003-05:00

It isn't being published until tomorrow. My editors decided to change the schedule to Wednesday and Friday from now on. So, if you stopped by this morning and wondered why I wrote the exact same article as last Friday, it is because it is the same article. So, now your Wednesdays will be extra special with a dose of my parenting column.

As for your Tuesday, you'll just have to find something else to do now.

Like watch a video of a kitten standing up to a big dog.

Brave Kitten Stands up to Dog - watch more funny videos

Or maybe watch the music video of the song that was the number one hit on the day I was born.

This is Debby Boone's "You Light Up My Life", and I have to admit to feeling a little ripped off after I discovered my wife's birth date shares the day with the much cooler number one hit of The Knack's "My Sharona".

There, you can now consider yourself appropriately distracted for the day.

My Goals and Dreams for 2012

2012-01-10T10:16:00.006-05:00

Yeah, I know I am a little late for this kind of thing since we're already rocking out in 2012. But according to my calendar, we still have lots of the year left and plenty of time for me to attempt to accomplish some goals and realize some dreams.

1. Be an amazing father to Everett: I am of the belief that being an "amazing father" can be a little subjective depending on what matters to you as a person. Over the years, my goals will be to make sure that Everett is loved and provided for, but also make sure he is not sheltered and allowed to make mistakes. I'm pretty big on ensuring my son has a large world view and is informed enough to make his own decisions on how he wants to live in it. But I also know that at 2 weeks old, he isn't quite ready to make those kinds of decisions and my role is a little less subjective. Right now, my job is to make sure he is safe, healthy, and comfortable. I am really looking forward to this year and watching Everett grow. I am also pretty excited by the fact that I work at home, and so I'm far more likely to be able watch all the major developments and 'firsts' that will take place this year.

2. Take Summit carting more: The few times that we have taken Summit carting, the breeders have remarked on how smart and "quick-to-learn" he is. The problem is that a "few times" means he has gone about a grand total of 3 or 4, which isn't even close to enough for him to be ready for certification (which I assume is a pretty piece of paper that signifies my dog can haul ass). We've got some pretty decent reasons for why he hasn't gone out enough, but I'm hoping this summer becomes the year Summit can cart around my son and nephew (which may take some convincing of a few people on top of getting Summit prepared).

3. Write a novel: So this becomes the goal that is the running joke that was never meant to be a joke. I keep saying that "this will be the year I write a novel" then there is no novel to be seen come December 31st. I've actually put a schedule together this year and allotted some time to make sure this is the year I have something written up in long form. Now, if it will be publishable is a totally different situation.

4. Write a non-fiction book: I've got several plans in this category. The potential for something to be available in published form in the next few years is lot closer than it was a year ago. I definitely want to lay out several future ideas and start to formulate what I hope to be the first of many books.

5. Watch way more movies: This was a goal from last year too, and I think I achieved it by one or two. I have three main reasons for this being a pretty big goal of mine. The first being that I just enjoy movies, and sometimes it is nice to just have goals aimed to make you happy. The second being that I find that watching films help invigorate me creatively and give me more ideas for my own writing. The final reason is that I'd really like to land a film column, write a book on film, and maybe even do reviews for a paper or magazine -- in order to be in a spot where I'm marketable in that area, I have to have a pretty good idea of the current film landscape, which is done by watching current movies.

6. Write another weekly column: It was a pretty big personal achievement for me to land the twice weekly parenting columns with Pregnancy & Newborn magazine. I would love to be able to get a column about another subject, such as film, TV, history, sports, politics, world news or bacon.

7. Pet a llama: Because why not.

8. Increase my current level of handiness: Which basically means I want to be able to change my own light bulbs.

9. Continue to make this blog a daily must read: When I was compiling my list of the best of 2011, I started to think that I wrote far better posts back in 2010. I'm not sure if that was due to having more time to dedicate to the blog or if I ended up writing more pieces that had been close to my heart that year. But based off pure visitor statistics, 2011 was a far better year than 2010 as I landed about four times the amount of daily visitors. This doesn't account for several days where I achieved a huge spike in readers thanks to particular interest garnering posts. I hope I can continue to find time to devote to this blog, and I will aim to write some of my most interesting and unique content this year.

10. Convince my sister-in-law that bacon is a vegetable: Because she is a vegetarian and so she has been denied the sweet, sweet, sweet magical taste that is bacon. I just don't know how you can have a fulfilled life without bacon. And Warren Beatty.

11. Join a theatre group: When I was a kid I'd narrowed down my future career aspirations to storyteller, journalist, actor, and Indiana Jones. I've come much closer to achieving the first two, and I've sort of come to terms with the inability of ever being a fictional archeologist living in the 1930s and '40s. I really enjoyed acting as a kid and I was even part of a drama club for several years. I did a few plays in high school, but then stopped acting for many years. I then performed in a play in 2006, and it really reminded me how much I loved the craft. I know there are a few local theatre companies, and I hope to be able to find the time to perform in a play this coming year.

12. Join a local writers group: I've had the chance to have lunch with a few other freelancers (not writers per se) and I've joined a few writer groups online, and it is really inspiring to be able to discuss and socialize with people with similar goals, interests and career paths. The act of writing can be a very isolating thing, and so I think it is paramount that I find the time to actually get out and interact with other people. I know there is a local writers group and I need to check out if it is something I am interested in. I think it will also be good for my own writing to have a group of people to bounce ideas off and just talk about the art of writing.

13. Wrestle a yeti: Because how will Everett ever respect me if he finds out I haven't?

14. Have more super-secret projects: The whole point of being a writer is starting up projects that you can't talk about for a while, and so you're forced to just tantalize your blog readers for months. Of course, this is only fun if your super-secret projects don't fall through but rather your actually able to eventually reveal them.

15. Spend time and demonstrate love to those who matter: Now this is the whole point of even being alive.

My Public Declaration of the End of a Quirky and Time Consuming Habit

2012-01-09T11:44:00.004-05:00

You may have noticed I'm a writer. A writer can be lumped into that category of "creative type." The creative types not only have vivid imaginations and the ability to form something beautiful from nothing, but they typically also come with baggage like being moody or quirky or "crazy." I'm not bestowing this on all creative people, because I know one very talented individual who isn't moody at all. I know another very creative soul who doesn't seem to have anything that one would define as quirky or odd. But I've followed enough novelist or actors or musicians to know that many of these ultra talented individuals are blessed with these amazing creative minds that also seem to bring some extreme bouts of moodiness and quirkiness.

I'm not the exception to this "rule". I can be incredibly moody and I've got my own long list of idiosyncrasies. I'm usually able to console myself with this fact by recognizing it is something that usually comes with the creative package. It is not always that way -- but often enough that many sort of expect creative people can be entertaining but odd people to spend a weekend with (but usually, in a goofy and pleasant way -- I do like to think my company can be a Saturday well spent).

I say all this, to say that even though I know I can be moody and quirky and odd that it doesn't mean that I just ignore those factors about me and think, "Oh well, I am creative and can't do anything about it." I do think I'll likely always be those things, and hope I can justify it by continuing to create enjoyable content for the masses (and hopefully, eventually stretch the masses to be in the numbers of several thousand rather than a few hundred). I also think it is important do things that curb some of my biggest moments of moodiness and my more obvious bouts of quirky. I try to stomp out the moody by being a relatively goofy, easy going and funny guy, and I also feel that the more often I am able to write creatively than the more likely I am emotionally balanced and happy. As for the quirky part, there is a lot of things I do that I usually don't immediately recognize as odd or I may know are odd but it actually aids me in the creative process. I can't change those types of quirks, but I occasionally catch something a little odd that doesn't bring any value to my life. Those are the oddities that I hope to wipe out permanently.

I've eventually come to terms with something I've done that is a little odd and incredibly obsessive, and is not bringing any real value to my day to day writing life. So, I'm going to stop it, and I'm publicly outing it in an attempt to ensure it stays extinct.

I started blogging again at the start of 2010. My hope was to try to find ways to bring as much exposure to the blog as possible. One of the easiest ways to do this was to set up a feature on Facebook that allowed my blog posts to be automatically transferred over to the "Notes" section on my Facebook page. This way it would catch the eye of some of my Facebook followers who wouldn't normally check out my blog.

It worked great, as I know it was getting a rather significant dose of daily readers that I wouldn't have got if I didn't use Facebook to promote it. The little thing that started irking me was that not only were people strictly reading the posts on Facebook, but all my comments were coming from the Facebook notes section as well. This essentially meant that my blog was being denied all the Facebook comment love.

I have to admit something here. I don't really like Facebook all that much. I find it is a social media site that tries to do everything, but does them all with mediocrity. It would be like a variety television show that showcased all "runner ups" from local talent shows. Sure it has all the acts you want to see, but none of them are done incredibly well. But I also know that Facebook currently has the largest base of users when it comes to social media, and so if you want exposure it is the place to go. I happily use Facebook to promote my blog and even to promote myself as a writer. I have to admit it frustrated me a little that this device that I wanted to simply use to get more blog readers was hogging all the commenters, and making my blog look like a ghost town.

In order to fix this "problem", I decided that I would cut and paste all the comments from Facebook and put them up on my blog. "Ha, take that Facebook! Now, you share the love with my blog." Sure it was a rather obsessive thing to do, but I wanted possible wanderers to stumble upon my blog and see that it indeed has readers who deemed it worthy of a few words.

I realize there isn't "Comment Police' who scour the internet and make sure that blogs have sufficient comments or otherwise they'll throw the blog into some dark abyss. And really, the number of comments only really mattered to me. Yes, I know corporations and magazines actually do look to see if articles can generate comments and discussion, but it wasn't like my ability to get clients was solely dependent on the comments I could generate. Even if they were, I could always point to the fact I was able to generate conversations on a variety of platforms (I even got the occasional email thanking me for a particular post).

I knew in the end it didn't matter where my comments were coming from, but rather the fact I actually was having regular readers. I had two different data packages that were showing me that my readership was growing. My ego was being feed. I will admit that I do have a rather large desire to get that ego well nurtured and be reassured that I'm loved. The stats weren't enough, because I needed comments. I needed them on the blog. I'd make sure they were there even if it meant I spent part of my day copy and pasting the things from the evil Facebook.

I ended up finding a better app than the "Notes' feature on Facebook, which is called Twitterfeed. This is an app that automatically posted a link of my newest blog post to various social media sites. This forced the reader to go to my blog rather than allow them to read it all on Facebook. This ended up being a good choice, since the "Notes" feature started imitating a snail and took weeks to start posting my blog posts -- which meant one day it ended up vomiting out a months worth of writing at once. Twitterfeed allowed me to scrap the "Notes' feature, but still use Facebook to snag me more readers. The problem remained with the comments, because people still liked commenting on the link rather than on my actual blog.

I continued my habit of copy and pasting the comments with a "via Facebook" tag on each comment. Most days it wasn't too time consuming because it isn't like I was getting a whirlwind of comments. It made me happy to know that my blog was filled with comments both from Facebook and from those who actually decided to comment in the actual blog.

The big problem comes from when I write a blog that generates a huge amount of comments on Facebook. The post I used to announce the arrival of Everett generated over 40 comments on Facebook. This meant there was 40 times that I copy and pasted comments and wrote in the "via Facebook" header. Now, that is time consuming and starts taking away time from more important things -- like doing writing that makes me actual money. It was this specific instance that I started realizing there wasn't any real value in continuing this obsessive little quirk. On a busy day, I could risk spending an hour transporting comments -- this doesn't include the need to moderate the comment section from trolling (I'm lucky that for the most part my blog is absent of such creatures and my moderation is almost completely unnecessary).

I also started to realize the whole Facebook commenting thing isn't completely evil either. Yes, it means my blog misses out on a bit of the commenting love, but the comments actually help promote the blog. My blog posts that have the most Facebook comments are also some of my most read articles ever. The fact is people notice a huge amount of "likes' or positive comments and it motivates them to check out the post. So yeah, I admit my obsessive nature starts rapidly taking over my body when a comment shows up on Facebook rather than my blog, but I also have to remind myself it does actually lead to increased readership by a significant margin.

So, I am now officially declaring the end of copy and pasting. It is a weird and obsessive thing to do anyway. It make me feel like I put way too much focus on my blogs. More importantly, it has days where it actually turns out to be time consuming and doesn't hold any value I can think of (other than make my blog look more popular and help mellow my obsessive side).

Now, I have one more confession to make. This very blog post is an example of my quirky and obsessive nature. I had to write this blog, because I have the need to explain why the "via Facebook" comments have suddenly disappeared. I'm sure almost no one will notice that, but just in case they do, I can now point to this post, "See! People haven't stopped loving me on Facebook. I just tried to stop being so crazy!"

That is the end of my self guided therapy session for one of my odder obsessions. Hopefully, the next glut of Facebook comments won't cause me to twitch too much and I can live happily with the small number of blog generated comments that do show up on here semi regularly.

The other plus side of this post is that you all know that there clearly is someone slightly more crazy, ego centric and obsessive that yourself. I'm not saying you're one who has those traits, but if you do, I likely have you trumped.

Anyway, I now have to go find a new quirky diversion that will waste away hours at a time. Or maybe just do some paid writing work instead. I’ll go with whatever seems like the more "writery' thing to do on a Monday.

When Hurricanes Spit Out Metallica

2012-01-09T10:25:00.003-05:00

I used to work at a camp with a guy named Nelson Beattie. I'm telling you this, so that when his band My Son the Hurricane becomes huge then I can be all like, "Yeah, I totally used to eat chili with that guy and tell him to stop losing his campers." I've listened to a few of their songs, and I have to say they know how to make some sweet ear candy. And ears really like their candy.

I'm more than happy to pimp their latest video which is a cover of Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls", which not only does a great job of capturing that Metallica feel but is rocking in its own way. So, please give it a listen and if you like it, then feel free to pass it on to friends, family and pets (dogs love Metallica covers).

My Observations of My First Two Weeks of Fatherhood Plus Pictures!!!

2012-01-07T22:21:00.009-05:00

I really didn't know what to expect when it came to being the father of a human baby. I knew my life would change. I had several people warning me about how exhausting it would be or how all semblance of free time will instantly evaporate. This was a little disconcerting since running my own business already did a good job of limiting sleep and booting free time out the door.

I think all the warnings about the hard work of parenting caused me to conjure up some of the most disastrous images possible. I started imagining parenting to be something like a fiery dragon scorching our roof while zombie racoons gnawed at our windows while in our basement a volcano suddenly formed to shoot out lava coated brussel sprouts while a wall of dirty diapers block our every entrance. I was expecting something pretty daunting. I'm not sure if it was the hyperbole spouted about the hard work of parenting that just blew things up, but I'm actually finding this whole deal relatively easy to handle.

I realize it hasn't even been two weeks yet. My wife had a grueling labour, which was hard for me to witness, and then we had some other draining complications after the fact (all of which will be chronicled in the coming weeks in my parenting column), so I'm not claiming all things to be roses. I am saying things haven't been the massive energy suck that I expected.

Everett sleeps really well. He feeds great, and already has his birth weight back. He basically wakes up to eat and be changed, and then visits for a short bit then falls back to sleep. He'll even happily lie in his bassinet while he is awake. He'll sleep through a barking dog, and he'll do minimal fussing. His only real complaining is when he gets changed, but I wouldn't like it if people I knew for a short time started pantsing and exposing me every three hours either.

I want to make it clear I don't take any credit for this. This has nothing to do with my parenting skills. I don't have a clue what I'm doing. All the praise needs to go to my son being incredibly laid back and any possibly super powers my wife may possess.

My son is really easy going, and has made things much easier than I could have expected. Things have gone so well that I ended up returning to client work at the start of this week, which is far earlier than I thought I would be able to do. By the end of the week I was doing a full work schedule plus some of my side job. This is thanks to a baby not being too demanding and my wife who is magical.

I know it is only two weeks. I expected the "ease" to be based off this fact. Two moms visited us today and essentially confirmed our suspicion that Everett is super chill and we've got it really good. This still doesn't mean it will last though. We have teething and countless other joys to look forward to coming along. As of now, we've been handed one great deal.

And my son is awesome.

Of course after saying all this, he has had trouble settling this evening. So, I may have just jinxed things. Or it just has to do with eating Indian food today.

But let’s focus on the awesome. Like cute pictures of Everett.

Remember When I was Just Looking Forward to Being a Dad?

2012-01-06T09:50:00.002-05:00

Well, my latest "Dad's Eye View" column may remind you of that time. Just like my previous column, it has been in the can since December and just waiting to be unleashed on the world. It's sort of fun reading things I wrote before the arrival of Everett and then realizing how things have now changed. There isn't any feeling that can compare to actually holding my son in my arms, but some of these pre-birth moments I talk about in the column were pretty powerful and emotional at the time. They were all important stages in preparing me for the greatness that was the arrival of my son.

Check out today's columns and get a glimpse into more thoughts that were bouncing around in the head of pre-Everett days Christopher.

What I've Noticed While Walking Summit at Night

2012-01-06T09:01:00.004-05:00

I try to walk Summit at least two times a day. Now that he has a "younger brother" that is occupying a good portion of our attention, I try to be even more diligent in fitting in those walks. I find it works best for me to have the walks book end my day. I walk him in the morning when I first wake up, and then I end the evening with another stroll in the neighbourhood.

I really enjoy these walks with my "furry boy" because I see it as bonding time between daddy and dog son. I've recently noticed something that I don't remember previously seeing over the past two plus years of evening dog walking.

There are a lot of cats prowling around the neighbourhood.

I mean, a LOT of cats.

I know that cats are nocturnal animals. I realize many cats are allowed out of their homes, and usually choose night time to scout their area. I don't consider any of that odd. I expect some cats to be outside at night, because that is what cats do. But I don't ever remember seeing so many of them litter the streets.

People are completely absent from the area in the evening, but they're replaced with a horde of furry felines. It seems like we come across a cat beside every other house. For the last week, we've come across a group of cats hanging out on the road near my street. What are those cats doing chilling out on that road? What are they plotting?

I want to make it very clear; these cats are clearly plotting something. There is going to be an uprising in my neighbourhood. If me and my neighbours aren't careful then we'll all be ruled by cats by Valentine's Day. I know it, because I can see it in their eyes. Of course, I've never been close enough to one to see directly into their eyes. I know I'd see it, if I could get a glimpse.

There are just far too many cats in my neighbourhood to be safe. They're way too comfortable sauntering down the streets and letting all know they rule this place at night. But my fear is when they take over the day, because then all will be lost.

You think I am paranoid?

Then why have all the human disappeared at night? Why are they all replaced by cats? Why do they keep calling to me and taunting me? They're letting me know my day of reckoning is near. They will get me like they've taken down all the rest.

I'm pretty sure half of the homes in my neighbourhood are occupied by just cats. Their humans are now buried under several pounds of cat litter, and likely not all in one piece. I've seen what they do to birds and mice. I'm aware of what they're capable of, and what happens when they feel humans are no longer serving their purpose.

They're already trying to trap and ensnare me and Summit. Every single night several cats will dart out of shadows and then run across the street to another hiding place. Every time it catches the attention of Summit, and causes him to want to give chase. I know they want that chase. They want Summit to run into that dark corner.

It is there that they'll brain wash my dog, and use him to kick their master plan into motion. Their plan is to rule the world. But first they need to take control my neighbourhood. It is happening. It is why they're everywhere. It is why every night they try to get my dog to chase them.

It is why my very soul is encased in a dark ice of fear. It is only a matter of time.

Catageddon is almost upon us.

Well. . . it is either that or there are lots of people who own cats around here.

So, How is Summit with Everett?

2012-01-05T21:04:00.003-05:00

Oh, he likes to check up on him from time to time.

Been a bit of a crazy day, so I've been absent from the blog. I'm hoping that will start to change real soon though. How has your last few days been?

I also want to note I am typing with one hand because my other hand is holding pure cuteness.

About Those Christmas Photos I Vaguely Promised. . .

2012-01-04T15:45:00.025-05:00

I previously said the plan was to post photos from Christmas morning on my blog on Boxing Day. But then Boxing Day decided to go and become the official birthday of my ninja kicking son, Everett. So, the pictures were left to the abyss of things not posted.

Until now.

I present to you the final unEverett-participated Christmas.

It isn't just human children that can't wait to open up their presents.

"Maybe they won't notice if I just discreetly climb up and. . . "

"Please say 'Okay'; please say 'Okay'; Please say 'Okay'."

Summit sizes up the gift and tries to figure out if it was the live rabbit he asked Santa for.

"Finally!"

"Weirdest looking live rabbit ever, but it fits the mouth perfectly. I approve."

"Live rabbit tastes just like my tennis stick."

"Wait, this wasn't the rabbit I asked for?"

Summit finds Christmas morning to be an exhausting ordeal.

Crosby wonders what is so good about an event that doesn't involve him being fed.

Aha, the power of cat nip can even distracts Crosby from the thought of food.

Cat nip hangover.

Because the world (aka a few people on Facebook) demanded it: the requisite baby bump pic.

Now for the fashion show portion of this photo collection. Summit is sporting the latest in dog bandana wear.

Santa Cros.

And his "favourite" reindeer.

After far too many attempts, this ends up being the best family photo.

And since I know many readers won't let me do a photo collections without one photo of
Everett. . .

Here it is.

Oh okay, here is another one.

Believe it or not, this extreme cutie has a huge resemblance to the newborn version of me. I'm sorry for your future, Everett.

Let the Force Be with You, Bob Anderson

2012-01-04T13:00:00.002-05:00

Bob Anderson passed away on New Year's day.

There is no need for apologies if you don't know who that is, because I didn't either until coming across this article. Despite my lack of knowledge of the man, it appears he played a pretty significant role in my childhood just the same.

The man was a world class fencer, and ended up being hired on to play all of Darth Vader's lightsaber battles in the original trilogy. It appears bodybuilder David Prowse was good at being large and intimidating, but not so good at wielding a lightsabre. I was a big enough Star Wars geek to know that it was David Prowse under the armour and that James Earl Jones did the voice (I could only imagine how things would have turned out if Mr. Jones was all dressed up as Vader). I wasn't aware that the famous duels were played by someone completely different.

But now I do. I definitely appreciate the great job Anderson did with the battles since he didn't have the assistance of CGI and was stuck in a hard to move costume. Though those battle may not stand up today, they were absolutely legendary to me as a child. I remember replicating them several times in my back yard.

So, thanks Bob Anderson for creating some really special cinematic moments for me. You did a mighty fine job. I am glad you had a long and happy life.

My Top Blog Posts of 2011

2012-01-03T16:10:00.010-05:00

2011 has been kicked out the door, and 2012 is now beginning to make itself at home. I'm looking forward to 2012, and believe it will be a pretty remarkable year. It will be the year that I get to enjoy my expanded family, and continue to see my writing career grow. Before I look at the year ahead, I want to be able to reflect upon the year that was. 2011 was quite the roller coaster of a year. It brought incredible heartbreak but also unbelievable happiness. Yes, I lost loved ones, but it was also the year that I became both an uncle and a daddy. Though it is definitely not the kind of year I want to repeat, it gave me some memories I'll cherish forever.

As a way to reflect upon 2011, I wanted to list what I feel are the best posts I wrote on the blog. I feel this collection gives a rather nice retrospective on what exactly 2011 meant to me.

Absolutely Awful Tips For A Successful Writing Career - Around this time I was getting lots of requests to go out for coffee and deliver advice on how one may make money writing. So of course, it naturally put me in the mood to be extra snarky.

My Incredibly Biased View Of Today's Huge Game - Result of the game didn't go the way I wanted, but I like this post because it reminds me that the Bears actually had a good season a year ago.

Snow Day!!! - Because I have to include some animal pictures.

Advice When Dealing With Customer Service (Or Anyone Providing You A Service) - I absolutely despised my time working the front desk at a doctor's office, but it did provide me with enough rage to write gems like this post.

Dear Stephen Harper. . . - The one day of the year where I decided to be kind of nice to Stephen Harper.

Oh No! It's the Last Saturday Ever! - This wasn't even the only rapture of the year promised by that darling, Harold Camping.

No Shark Fin Soup For You -- In Brantford - I still get a kick out of the fact some folks were touting the ban as a way to boost Brantford tourism, because I always go to places to not see something.

RIP Macho Man Randy Savage 1952-2011 - Considering it is by far the most read post ever, I should probably include it.

Forever and Always: A Tribute to a Dear Belated Loved One - I miss you, Grandma.

The One Fictional Character I'd Never Want to Hang Out With - This is how I procrastinate from client work.

Yes, I'm a Writing Slut, But I Still Have Standards - I've done several writing related articles on this blog, but this is probably my favourite -- partly because I still dig the title.

Rebuttal to the Overstated Argument That Atheism Has Killed More People Than Any Religion -This is one of those posts I was afraid was going to bring out the fiery hate, but it didn't rile up too much controversy. I still really like the piece and point to it when people us the overstated argument in my presence.

RIP Jack Layton 1950 - 2011 - A piece I actually made money on, but that was never ever the intention. I think it is a fair tribute to an amazing man. He will be missed.

The Latest "Spiritual" Moment for a Soon To Be Father - And it only got better.

The Colouring of Hate - It is fun ranting against pure stupidity.

Dear Donald Trump, Here are 15 Reasons You Should Give Me a Million Dollars. . . - It was a pretty popular pieces, but not good enough to get The Don to part with a million.

Remembering 9/11 - I never wrote a reflection on 9/11 before this, so it was a pretty important piece for me.

One Schmuck's Attempt at Giving You Advice for Success in Your Life - I have a nasty habit of throwing out advice that is a little out of my league, but I thought this one actually carried real value.

How Not to Hide the Fact You're Smoking Pot - This actually happened.

Why You May Want to Hit Reverse on Your Drive to the Afterlife? - Another post that didn't generate the discussion I anticipated, but I still felt the message had to be put out there.

Thanks to the Turkey - Emily says, "You should do a Thanksgiving themed article." I respond with this.

What I Will Always Hold Close: A Tribute to a Belated Loved One - I'm torn apart by this post. I think it was a good tribute to a great man, but I never wanted to have to write such a thing in 2011. Everett will hear many great things about his grandpa. I promise.

“Because Who Wants a Real Job?”: 14 Not Entirely Helpful Insights on Being a Freelance Writer - There is so many misconceptions about freelance writing; this blog post will not remove any of them.

The First (Real) Snowfall of the Season - One of my first times playing with my new camera, and I hope to do many more of these in 2012.

21 Really Bad Gift Ideas - I hope you didn't end up with any of these gifts.

A Friday Night Engagement with Ancient Pay Phones, Large Murals and Rice Pudding: A Fan Requested Blog Post - The rice pudding still calls to me in my sleep. I fear for my life.

The Official Ranking of 2011 Films That I Saw: Yet Another Post Demanded by My Readers -I just wrote this a few weeks ago, and I am already questioning a few of my rankings.

Mary Christmas - And how I do Christmas.

The Greatest Boxing Day Surprise Ever: AKA The Most Wonderful Excuse for Not Blogging for Several Days - The absolute best way to cap off the year of blogging. I love you, Everett.

And just because I never did one last year, here are my favourites of 2010.

The First 7 Months of Summit's Life: A Pictorial Story
The Drought is Finally Over, Now Let the Downpour Begin
Advice I'd Give To 13 Year Old Me
Things I Now Do Because I'm Married
Why I Am On Ann Coulter's Side Regarding Ottawa
Outing Jennifer Knapp's Criticizers
The Epic Failure of a Sweeping Argument
Now For The Other Side Of G20 Mayhem
RIP Cardboard Box
10 Random Thoughts Attempting To Be Profound Quotes
"Ground Zero Mosque": The Debate That Should Have Never Existed
Why Professional Sports Stars Deserve Being Paid Way More Than Teachers
Craig Kielburger: Inspiring Others For Greatness
Evangelical Failure: The Flaws In Aggressively Pushing Your Belief
Ferocious Fire Balls to the Nostril: One Man's Experience with TA Appliances
It's Not Okay. . .
An Exclusive Excerpt From The Novel I'll Never Publish (Or Write)
Completely Misleading But Still Accurate Descriptions Of Famous Movies

Now, in the comments you can whine and moan about how your favourite blog post was left off my list. Or you know, reprimand me for being conceited enough to think people would read an entire post that consisted largely of links to my past ravings and rantings. Either one is cool with me.

Wishing everyone the most awesome 2012 ever!

Introducing Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine's Newest "Dad's Eye View" Columnist. . .

2012-01-02T13:06:00.004-05:00

Me.

This was one of my "super-secret projects" I referred to back in December; for a variety of reasons I felt it was better to prevent it from being public knowledge until the first column was published.

After today, it is going to be a twice weekly column that will be published on Tuesday and Friday. I realize it is Monday, but Tuesday just couldn't get here soon enough to get this column rolling along.

I'm pretty excited about this, because I've wanted a weekly column for a while now (let's say around the time I was four). This is a column I should be pretty good at, because well, it's about being a first time daddy and I'm a first time daddy. Plus being a writer and one who processes things by writing, I was going to write about my experience of being a dad no matter what; now, I get to be paid for chronicling my journey (it's fun getting money for something you were going to do anyway). The cool thing is that my editors are super-duper spiffy, and are allowing me a rather large amount of creative control when it comes to content. I have lots of freedom to write about whatever I feel moved to discuss-- as long as it has something to do with being a daddy (so, probably very few historical profiles on the evolution of pop tarts). You wrap all these things together, and this is pretty close to the 'dream job' for me.

Today's column was actually written back in December, and so you'll notice there is no reference to Everett but rather talk about some mysterious baby-to-be. This column is about my experience dealing with my little guy being in the breeched position, which was the first of a few 'scary moments' (future articles will enlighten you of the other moments). You'll have to read through a few "womb baby" columns, before the real adventures with Everett begin. It will give you a peek into what I was thinking and going through back in December, and how I was a little overly optimistic on how cooperative a baby will be during the whole delivery process (and yes, there will be a few columns on the roller coaster that was Everett's arrival into this world).

If you don't get enough Spicer goodness on this blog and want to hear about my adventures of being a daddy, then this column will be your twice weekly fix. It should be lots of fun, and I really hope you join me on this little ride of mine.

Also, please check out the entire Pregnancy & Newborn website, because they are a fine publication with many excellent articles-- and I'm not just saying that because they actually pay me for my crazy thoughts.

The Greatest Boxing Day Surprise Ever: AKA The Most Wonderful Excuse for Not Blogging for Several Days

2011-12-29T13:34:00.010-05:00

You may have noticed this blog started to imitate a ghost town once Christmas day hit. Though unless your pre The Christmas Carol Ebenezer Scrooge then you probably weren't incredibly surprised that I didn't get around to posting something on the biggest family holiday of the year.

But then Boxing Day hit and there was still no Spicer rantings and ravings.

Then Tuesday.

Then Wednesday.

At no point did I do my typical warning that I'll be away from the computer for an extended period of time. Yet, here I was being all absent and silent.

The reason is because I wasn't expecting to make a few day hiatus from the blog. I also wasn't planning on taking on any days off (other than the typical holidays) from work this week. But I did.

My plan on Monday was to post incredibly adorable Christmas photos of my furry boys, Summit and Crosby. But it seems like someone else had other plans, and plans that meant I wasn't going to be doing much at the computer at all.

Boxing Day this year was the date where I received the greatest gift I could ever imagine.

This Boxing Day, I received something very unexpected.

This Boxing Day I became a daddy.

Emily and I have never been known as punctual people. We definitely aren't very good at being early. It seems like lateness may not run in the blood. Because our 6 pounds and 7 ounces of pure baby joy arrived at 2:54pm on Boxing Day -- which is 9 days earlier than the January 4th 'due date.'

What can I say, my son is a keener.

That is right, MY SON. My beautiful, amazing, handsome, adorable, precious son. My son who as I write about him this very moment causes some tears of pure joy to come to my eyes.

December 26th, 2011 will always be remembered as one of the most special days of my entire life. It was a pretty crazy story and a story I'll save for later day. I will give away the happy ending. I held my son for the very first time, and experienced the most powerful 'spiritual' moment in my life. I realized that I was now daddy, and this little man was my son. A person who I vow to always love and always protect and always take care of.

Boxing Day will always hold a very special place for me now on, because it is day that Everett David Yan Keung Spicer entered into the world and changed my life forever.

I love you Everett, and welcome to life. It is a crazy place, but I'll be here to give you advice and encourage you when you need it. I'll probably make you pretty mad sometimes, and you'll do the very same to me. You'll also make me smile and laugh, and I'll do my best to return the favour. We've got lots to look forward to, but now, I'm just going to enjoy you being my firstborn son, and the greatest gift I could ever imagine.

I joke that things aren't official until they're smeared all over the internet. Well, this blog post is going to be linked on several social media sites, and so I think this makes things as official as you could ever want.

Please welcome to this world, Everett David Yan Keung Spicer, my wonderful son.

It is the Season of Giving; So, I'll Give You Another Link

2011-12-24T23:19:00.002-05:00

There is a rather funny Christmas piece over at the Whatever.

It is 8 "facts" about classic Christmas songs, but if you actually researched these "facts" then you may find them less than factual. But they're funny and way more Christmasy than the comic I passed off on you earlier.

You can go read this or you know, spend time with your family.

Which ever one you prefer. I'm easy.

Here Have a Very Not Christmasy Comic

2011-12-24T11:00:00.003-05:00

There is a good chance you're in a "hey, it is almost Christmas and I am going to drink eggnog until it seeps out my nose!" mode. That is entirely fine, because we are on the day that leads to the eve of that day we all call Christmas. So, if you want to be especially festive then go for it.

But I read a comic this morning that I really liked and felt it would be nice to share with you.

But it doesn't have squat to do with Christmas. So, if that fact is going to squash your Christmas buzz then don't read it.

But why would I ever link to a comic that isn't about Christmas on a day like this?

Well, because I read it today, and I didn't feel like waiting to tell you about. It is already over a month or more old, and if I wait much longer, it might start gathering mold. And do you really want a moldy comic mucking up your computer screen? I didn't think so.

Anyway, it is about not judging people, and realizing we're all very different with variety of attributes. That is the type of message I like pushing around on this blog, and so when I find other folks writing similar thing then I like to promote it.

So, here I am promoting it.

Oh yeah, Merry Christmas.

Mary Christmas

2011-12-23T09:53:00.004-05:00

It was the spookiest time of the year. She couldn't quite explain it. Every time December rolled around, complete strangers would start calling out her name. She would pass the streets and people would wave and smile, "Mary Christmas." She would buy something at the store and the cashier would just call out her name while she left, but wouldn't have anything else to say to her when she came back. She would go to the doctor's office or bank or the pizza place, and they'd greet her by saying her name over and over as people entered.

For eleven months she'd get a 'hi' or a nod, but for one month, everyone seemed to know who she was. They seemed to love calling out her name. She appreciated the kind gesture, but she wished she knew how they knew her name. It was disturbing.

She remembered in grade school how teacher's warned against wearing clothes that had your name on it. It would then allow strangers to address you by name and trick you into thinking they knew you. It was this memory that got her to start investigating the clothes she wore and the bag she carried. Was her name somewhere on her clothing or accessories?

Or was it some huge practical joke being perpetuated by her friends and family? Was it some giant prank that would eventually be revealed? But why would they let it drag on for so many years? Why did it always happen in December and usually end around the 26th of the month. Why?

The most disturbing thing started to happen at the department stores. She would walk in to discover a huge banner with her name on it. How did they know she was coming to the store that day? They seemed to have hired someone who struggled with the English language, because they misspelled her first name. Actually, it was odd because every store misspelled her first name. Merry Christmas. She wasn't sure how they would have messed up such a simple name, because she never knew a girl with the spelling of Merry.

The spooky trend continued as other establishments started putting up banners and signs that just simply said her name. Of course, they seemed to have got her name from that department store where they didn't know how to spell. Merry Christmas -- sheesh, how hard was it to spell Mary.

Mary started to get used to it. It was cool that the people of the town knew her name. They felt the need to acknowledge her. She was a quiet girl and didn't have many friends. She worked at a cleaning company where they cleaned a few of the local office buildings. The job was done when everyone had gone home, so she rarely got much social interaction. Though at first it was odd and disturbing to have complete strangers calling out her name, she did appreciate getting recognized. It felt nice to have people take the time to know her name. She started considering all these people as her friends. She liked feeling popular.

The scariest moment came when she was watching a newscast on the 24th. It was being broadcasted on a channel in the big city, which was at least an hour away from her home. Yet at the end of the broadcast, the newscaster stared right at her and said, "Mary Christmas.'

That was it. Nothing else. He just said her name. It sent a chill down her spine. It was nice that her hometown was acknowledging her. But it was getting downright petrifying that people from other cities were just randomly saying her name. It felt like she was being haunted.

She started flipping to other channels to see if they would call out her name. She had to find out if this was something that would be sweeping the entire country. Maybe even the world. More importantly, she wanted to know why it was happening. How did they know her name? Why were they just saying it to her without saying anything else?

She came across a late night talk show. It happened again. Right after the host said a few jokes and caused the audience to break out into laughter, he pointed to the band and they started playing some lovely music. He then said he would be taking the next week off. He stared right at her and said, "Mary Christmas and Happy New Year."

Behind him a banner was lowered and it was the famous misspelled version of her name, "Merry Christmas" along with the other thing he just said "and Happy New Year."

How did a talk show host from New York know her name? And why can't he spell either.

And maybe even more importantly, how did he find out about her cousin?

The Official Ranking of 2011 Films That I Saw: Yet Another Post Demanded by My Readers

2011-12-22T09:25:00.006-05:00

December is becoming the month of reader's requests. Just consider it my Christmas gift to you. Or proof I'm running out of things to say. It is one of the two.

I should start this post by admitting I really haven't seen enough movies to fairly judge the very best pictures of the year. I once was able to see close to a movie a week, but those days are far past me. But if anyone wants to pay me to watch movies and then review them, I'd be more than happy to up my movie watching count. I have a sneaky feeling that the arrival of Baby Spicer means that the amount of movies I watch may actually be lower in 2012. I hope that doesn't turn out to be true, because 2012 has several movies that I'm pretty amped up to see.

Here is my list of the worst to best films from 2011 -- which I've seen.

10. Battle: Los Angeles - The trailer made me expect some over the top spaceships battle with huge explosions and mind blowing special effects. Instead, it was a 'war drama' that happened to involve alien -- which is actually a really cool concept. Except this was the war drama equivalent of a half boy half lemur creature that consumed a bowl full of paint chips then proceeded to smash its own head with a hammer. What I am saying is that not only is this movie stupid but it is the kind of stupid that beats itself to the point of being even more stupid.

9. Scream 4 - This film probably has one of the best meta style intros ever, and was incredibly fresh and creative. But then it proceeded to be the exact same movie we saw 3 times previous. I guess that is fine because it is comforting to get what you expect and paid to see. At the same time, the original was considered so cutting edge and different when it came out, but now it has become predictable and stagnate just like all the films it was originally mocking and lampooning. Plus it really has stopped being any form of scary, and I think it’s time to either find new characters or even better, just call it the end to a series.

8. Thor - I went into this film not expecting a thing, but then being pleasantly surprised for a good portion of it. The first half was mixed with great special effects, some unexpected comedy, and a good dose of action. It was building up to this epic climax, which made the ending that much more of a fart to the face. It did a pretty good job of convincing me to save my money for the sequel, which is a nice way to ensure I can pay for my bills and stuff -- so I appreciate that.

7. Cowboys and Aliens - This got panned pretty hard by most critics and was essentially a bomb in the box office based off the amount of money that was put into this film. I still stand by liking it, even if it didn't redefine its genres or anything like that. It built up the story well, and it paid everything off. It wasn't like many movies where the aliens are these invincible monsters but all of sudden start becoming weaker than a flock of lambs all because the heroes found out where their heart is. In the world it created, it followed its rules well and was 'realistic.' I had fun watching it while I munched my popcorn and my intelligence wasn't insulted that badly, and really, that is all I ask from my special effects driven summer blockbusters.

6. Super 8 - I really wanted to love this movie to bits. There is parts of this film that are absolutely magical and remind me why cinema captured my imagination as a child. I absolutely love the '70s setting and its homage to some of the classic 'aliens come to a small town' films from that late '70s/early 80s. I felt the film started to unravel a bit at the halfway point, and the ending became a little too cliché while also trying to shove a message down my throat. I also admit this film may end up ranking higher if I watch it again and don't have such high expectations for it.

5. The Lincoln Lawyer: I've never read the book and didn't read any previews, so I had no idea what I was watching -- other than Matthew McConaughey practice law inside his car (probably a Lincoln). It started out as a paint-by-the-numbers crime movie until the big twist was revealed. It was actually an interesting morality play where the lawyer had to question his own ethics, and realize that he may actually care more about his clients than he originally believed. It is a fun little thriller that actually allows you to have some deep discussion after.

4. Albert Nobbs - Glenn Close does an amazing job, and I really like how the film examines the concept of love. Is love an ingrained thing or is it environmental? What was it that the main character was really looking for? I also find it interesting to see how women were viewed at the time, and how several characters look down on a woman wanting to be a man but are also so oblivious of why it was done to begin with. The only main charge against the film is that the main character is hard to relate to and that may take away from the impact of the end of the film.

3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes - I wasn't even a slight bit interested in watching yet another 'reimagining/prequel' until the positive reviews started piling in. As I said before, the ape portion of the story is magnificent and incredibly well done. This was a definite surprise hit for me. It may have taken top spot as favourite film if the human side of the story wasn't so lazily thrown together.

2. Source Code - This is fun little science fiction film that provides lots of great action and special effects but also has a pretty compelling story. It has a great ending for a film geek like me who enjoys debating the bigger message behind it or what exactly it all really means. I like it when a science fiction movie can be fun and action packed but also throw a worthwhile story that makes you think just a tad.

1. X-Men: First Class - This is another movie that I wasn't the least bit interested in based off the trailers, but my wife really wanted to see it so I did it out of duty for her. This is more proof why I always need to listen to my wife. This was a surprisingly good movie, and one of my all-time favourite comic book films. It deals with some deeper issues like discrimination and how one goes about creating change, but also is jam packed with awesome effects and action. A really great prequel and I think the best of all the X-Men films.

Now, for an added bonus (in no particular order) here are the 10 ten movies from 2011 that I still hope to see.

10. Adjustment Bureau - I originally was planning on seeing this film instead of Source Code, but apparently, the local cinema doesn't hold movies until I decide to go watch them. Jerks.

9. Crazy, Stupid, Love - Yeah, I know it is a romantic comedy. It looks like it might actually be funny, and more importantly, it looks like it may go against the usual formula. Rather than just make me want to stick a screwdriver up my nose to ease the pain, it may be deeper than most of the other films that claim to be romantic and funny.

8. Attack the Block - It is an independent film about an alien invasion. That is about all I know about it, but a few people went on and on about how this was better done than Cowboys & Aliens. You can consider me interested.

7. The Debt - It is a spy thriller with Nazis and history and Helen Mirren. So, I'm game.

6. 50/50 - Yes, I still like Seth Rogen. Live with it. Besides, this looks like an attempt to be a little more serious and deeper than his previous films. Plus Joseph Gordon-Levitt has proven to be a pretty damn fine young actor.

5. The Ides of March - It a political morality play with George Clooney and Ryan Gosling. I'm sure they'll be acting the hell out of this sucker. It looks like it can be a mighty fine drama, and the trailer made it seem like it will have lots of layers and character development.

4. In Time - The reviews weren't kind and it bombed in the box office. I still am intrigued by the concept, even if I don't like the fact I want to see a Justin Timberlake film.

3. Anonymous - Basically jumps on board with the "Shakespeare is a fraud' crowd. I don't actually buy any of this being historically accurate, but I don't need that kind of thing to enjoy a movie.

2. The Muppets - I actually can't believe I haven't seen this yet. As a kid I watched almost every episode of The Muppet Show and dragged my parents to the theatre for all the movies in the 80s. I even had the picture book of the Muppets Take Manhattan. This movie will be seen -- oh I promise you that.

1. We Need to Talk About Kevin - I wanted to see this at TIFF, but Emily thought it would be took dark, so we saw Albert Nobbs instead. I'm still intrigued to see this movie, and I'm sure it will rile up much discussion and debate.

But what about 2012? What movies do I want to see in the future? Well, I want to see lots. But here are 10 I've chosen because I actually was able to find trailers for them.

The Woman in Black - This looks legitimately spooky and will probably keep me up at night after I watch it. I'm not sure if there has been a good legitimately scary spook fest in a long time and this may finally be it.

Safe House - I am not really a fan of Ryan Reynolds, but I really, really, really, really love Denzel Washington. This film seems to bring out the classic Washington charisma and attitude; so there is a chance this could be pretty great.

Chimpanzee - I like monkeys.

Men In Black 3 - This falls under "movie I saw no reason for being made and definitely didn't want to see but dang, then I had to go see the trailer." This looks really fun.

Snow White & the Huntsmen - I'm really tired of this whole "let's remake classic fairy tales into edgy films' phase that is going on in Hollywood, but this one actually looks like it could be really good. It has a decent cast and the trailer gives me hope this could be a rather exciting epic fantasy.

The Dark Knight Rises - Christopher Nolan has created two amazing movies -- not just really good comic book or Batman movies. If the movie is able to live up to the trailer, then we may have one of the greatest trilogies ever.

The Expendables 2 - I had a lot fun with the original, and this one has now crammed in even more classic action stars. I just wish they'd have brought along The Rock and Vin Diesel in order to do a combining of several generations of action stars kind of deal. This one looks like it might be just as explosively fun and stupid as the first.

The Hobbit - I've already got my geek on in blog form on this one.

Brave - It is Pixar and that really is enough to entice me. I also like the fact they're making a strong female lead and that it is set in old Scotland. This looks like this could be one of their best.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close - This isn't the first movie about living life post 9/11, but it is going in a different direction than most previous. This is the first I can think of that deals with the child living life after losing a parent to the tragedy. It looks like it has potential for being a heartwarming and emotional film that deals with some powerful issues. It could risk being 'sappy' and 'preachy', but it has a strong cast and I have faith it could be one of the better dramas of 2012.

And that is enough lists about movies for today.

Guess What I'll Be Watching a Year from Now

2011-12-21T11:15:00.003-05:00

This

I wasn't overly excited about the upcoming The Hobbit film, because cinematic prequels haven't necessarily had the best track record. The actual book is fine and dandy, but I never really thought it was as strong as The Lord of the Rings. But this trailer? It makes me feel like a drooling fan boy, and gets me the kind of excited that zooms me back to my childhood.

Going to the theatre as a child was such a magical experience for me, and allowed my mind to soar with imagination. Films like Star Wars, ET, and Back to the Future took me to far off lands and spurred me on to make up my own epic stories. These weren't just films, but they were epic events that helped shape my creativity and feed into my delight for the fantastic.

This trailer reminds me of those days. It looks like an epic fantasy that is going to unlock all kinds of imagination and creativity. Plus it will be a pretty fun way to allow a few hours fly past me.

Consider me officially stoked, and ready to find a babysitter for a Friday in December.

2011's Biggest Box Office Bombs and My Snarky Thoughts on Them

2011-12-20T13:21:00.002-05:00

Zap2It.com listed the biggest box office bombs of the year, and even though I've seen almost none of them, I still felt like chiming in with my opinions. Because that is what I do.

I should note that the film that I wanted to see fail, Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star, even failed to make this list because it wasn't released in enough theatres to qualify. So, thanks again Bucky for losing one more time.

25. Our Idiot Brother: This was the movie audiences' way of saying they prefer Paul Rudd to be the straight (and slightly neurotic) man, and leave the goofy comedy characters to Seth Rogan or Russell Brand. It sort of sucks that your big movie vehicle has to tank in order to tell you that, "Yes sir, you've indeed been type casted."

24. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark: And the movie goers said, "Fine, we won't." Katie Holmes gets to continue to hold on to her streak of bombing at the box office in films not called Batman Begins. And I say this in the kindest way possible, because I used to totally have a 'celebrity crush' on her and thought she had potential to be a leading lady. This was also 10 years ago, during a time that I also thought it was smart to dine on nothing but Pringles and Coke for a week.

23. Sanctum: So, I guess it's back to making Avatar 2 for James Cameron.

22. Monte Carlo: I don't even remember hearing about this movie. Based off this picture, it is about fancily dressed girls walking down elaborate stairs, and then maybe they go find cute boys who take them to a casino and teach them how to smoke cigars. Did I mention I never heard of this movie?

21. Your Highness: I was slightly interested in this movie until I remembered Year One, and realized it was likely the exact same movie except you replaced Jack Black and Michael Cera with less interesting actors (though it had the plus of adding Natalie Portman -- because she is such a renowned comedian).

20. Mars Needs Moms: I only remember this as the movie that I was convinced my friends had made up. Apparently, he didn't. But it also seems most other people didn't think it was a real movie either.

19. Dream House: Another movie I was vaguely interested in, because it came out around the time that I'm craving something spooky. Though the trailer seemed like it was part of a bet to see 'how many horror tropes can be stuffed into 2 minutes?" Really? -- Two spooky ghost girls in a haunted house? Hollywood does know that you're allowed to make a movie about a haunted house without using a 30 year old horror cliché, right? Right?!? I do have to say I feel bad for Daniel Craig, as it seems like the audience just doesn't care unless he is a suave British super spy.

18. Conan the Barbarian: I've heard this is good, in a 'this is so horrible it makes me giggle non-stop' kind of way. What a shock that isn't enough motivation to get people to pop out $12.00 for some 3D 'fun'.

17. The Three Musketeers: Has a Musketeer movie ever raked in the dough at the box office? Will this flop stop Hollywood from peddling out another in the next 10 or so years? I vote 'no' for both.

16. The Eagle: Another movie that I absolutely have no recollection of ever hearing about. Based off the picture, it is about really mad and dirty people who like to wear fashionable alligator skull hats. And maybe at some point they all fly a giant eagle?

15. Shark Night 3D: The classic "let’s try to piggyback off a surprise hit, except ignore absolutely all the things that made it a success" approach to film making. So, it is Piranha 3D but with sharks -- and none of the humour or nudity or campiness or entertainment. Absolutely shocked it wasn't a hit with that brilliant strategy.

14. Fright Night: "Okay, I've got a great idea for a summer blockbuster. Let's do a remake of a film that didn't do great in the box office but has become a cult classic among horror nerds. You know, the type of people that are totally sick of all the remakes of horror movies? There is no way we can't make money at the theatres with this idea."

13. Apollo 18: Blair Witch Project in Space, but only a decade after people are totally sick of Blair Witch rip offs.

12. The Thing: Remember what I said about Fright Night?

11. Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer: Now, we've learned that not all YA novels turned into films will automatically transform into magical bags of money. Plus it seems like it did end up being a bummer summer after all.

10. What's Your Number?: It would appear it is a little over 14 million, or also known as less than what you spent to produce and market the movie. I think Anna Faris is actually pretty funny, but it sadly seems like folks don't like her in the starring role unless it has the words Scary and Movie in the title (though I'm pretty sure even that kind of movie would now do rather well on a list like this).

9. The Rum Diary: I'll probably still see this anyway, because I love my Hunter S. Thompson craziness. I can't think of too many Depp films that I dislike, unless he is going to be that damn pirate again (which is also apparently the opposite mindset of the movie goers).

8. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie: WHAT!?! People won't pay to see 2 hours of a show that they can watch for free every single week on TV? But it is in pointless 3D?

7. Drive Angry: I think the incredible Hulk came up with the title of this film. I also think we can officially pronounce Nicholas Cage's box office success days dead. He may also want to pronounce death to his relationship with his current agent too.

6. Straw Dogs: Hey Hollywood, we have these things called Blu Rays and DVD players. They're really neat. They allow us to watch DVDs of really good old movies. So, you can seriously stop remaking films that don't ever need to be remade.

5. Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil: I've actually seen the original Hoodwinked. Based off how poorly this one did, a lot of other people must have seen and remembered the original too.

4. Prom: Just like their real prom, people decided to do something else instead. At least this time around it didn't cause eating disorders and self-esteem issues (except for the movie executives that were behind this film).

3. I Don't Know How She Does It: And nobody cared to find out.

2. The Big Year: Now, we've learned that Steve Martin is not box office gold in 2011. Though, I have a feeling that fact isn't going to keep him up at night. As for Owen Wilson and Jack Black, it was fun on top while it lasted, right?

1. Take Me Home Tonight: Because I don't want to watch this movie.

Here and There: A Random Assortment of Thoughts - December 2011 Edition

2011-12-19T08:42:00.005-05:00

It is time for the ol' hodge podge of thoughts and musings.

1. Thanks to a rather hectic weekend where I ended up working all Sunday (and gallivanting throughout stores on Saturday), I just found out that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il passed away from a heart attack. Though as some have said on Twitter, I'm sure North Korea would rather pass it off as Kim entering a competitive sleeping contest (death isn't really appealing for self-proclaimed demigods). The passing of Kim Jong-il either has potential of being a massive turning point in North Korean politics or end up being the biggest dangling carrot of the year.

There is hope and talk that this could allow for a loosening of the iron grip that the government has over its people and a chance for substantial talks regarding nuclear disarmament. The reality is the new leader is likely Kim Jong-un who has traveled with his father and likely been deeply indoctrinated in North Korean policy. It is likely going to take far more than just the death of Jong-il to wipe out the decades of propaganda, censorship, dictatorship, and ruthlessness. Hopefully, we do see a push towards peace talks and the possibility of giving food for the North Korean people in exchange for shutting down the nuclear program. Part of me thinks it is going to be a matter of the citizens tiring of the decades of brainwashing and realize they're completely mistreated that will lead to them finally rising against the leaders, which will allow for real change to begin in that country. It is definitely a "wait and see' affair on finding out if there will be a positive change or more aggression towards the South (things are on high alert currently) or everything remaining the status quo.

2. It is officially time to say good bye to the Chicago Bears' playoff hopes. This has to be one of the harder seasons for me to sit through. I can take a dreadful season where my team squanders several games, but it is much harder to watch your team go on a 5 game win streak and look extremely strong then to drop four straight to now have a 7-7 record. I can whine about how it is all due to losing Cutler and Forte to injuries, but even that excuse doesn't hold up to the disaster that was yesterday's game. I'm guessing that frees up Sunday afternoons for me now.

3. I caught the Survivor finale, even though I missed the last two episodes preceding it. I had a long day yesterday and was in need for some reality TV drama to appease my mushy brain -- plus I knew it was unlikely I'd be able to catch up on the show any time soon. Anyway, next paragraph is going to have spoilers, in case you haven't watched it yet.

It was a fun finale with Ozzy making one hell of run in Redemption Island and then in immunity challenges. He was my definite favourite after Coach's clan was able to wipe out all of the Savaii tribe. So, it was a bummer when he wasn't able to pull off the win in the final immunity challenge and it was now clear he was getting sent to the jury. Ozzy can talk about Coach's promise, but there was no way Ozzy wasn't winning this game if he made it to the final tribal council -- so he had to get voted out once there was a chance. It was the right move, but a bummer since Ozzy became such a likeable underdog.

I ended up totally being off in my prediction of Coach being a guaranteed winner if he made it to tribal council with two of his own tribe mates. Though, I really think Coach's performance at the final tribal was what cost him the million dollars. He started apologizing for betraying several players (which is a fine approach and what has to be done), but he then went on about how he wasn't a good strategic player, which allowed Sophie and Albert to jump on that by saying they masterminded it. I do think Coach called the shots, and I think most of the people on the tribal believed that too, but his speech then got them thinking otherwise. I could also be way off on this, and Coach may have lost more due to bitter players getting duped by him (same reason Russell lost two times in a row).

4. Speaking of reviews, I've got about 5 movies and a mountain of books that I've finished and I kept meaning to do reviews on. I've been finding myself dreading to do the reviews, because sometimes the process is about as enjoyable as French kissing a walrus. If I get bored writing some of the reviews then I don't want to imagine the pain some may have reading them. Then again, based off the statistics I have, most of the time people just skip out when they know it is a review post. I'm probably changing my strategy to doing a review when I'm really motivated and have something to say, otherwise I'll let it float away into a black hole to never be read. After all, the purpose of this blog is just to be a place where I write what I want and how I want to -- I'll leave the hard work for the stuff I get paid to do.

5. Despite just talking about not doing reviews, I do want to quickly comment on a few things I've watched and read in the last few months.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: I had a discussion with a good friend right after we watched the movie, and we essentially agreed the ape portion of the film is fantastic. The CGI of the apes is unbelievable and probably some of the best CGI I've seen in any movie. The story of Caesar gaining control over the other apes and starting up a resistance is incredible storytelling. Unfortunately, the human part of the film is much weaker and drags the film down a bit. Luckily, the main part of the film is about the apes, and so it remains a really great movie. The big problem is the whole time issue, where they'll jump ahead five years to allow Caesar to age, but the human characters apparently haven't talked to each for that entire time or interacted with anyone outside of their homes. I understand why it happened, but it made some of the story come off as a little sloppy (you wait five years to find out how the guys got the ape?). Despite that criticism, this was easily one of the best movies I saw this summer and probably X-Men: First Class would be the only competition for top film.

Albert Nobbs: I saw this at the Toronto Film Festival, and Emily and I loved it a lot more than the person we went to see it with. Glenn Close does a marvelous job in the starring role, and I hope she gets some serious Oscar buzz. The interesting part of the film is how it analyzes the concept of love. It is clear based of the main characters upbringing and challenges in her life that she doesn't entirely understand the concept nor fully be able to relate to the emotions of others. For her, everything is more like a business arrangement. It is a good 'have a coffee and discuss' kind of movie, but it appears it isn't getting the type of attention from critics that I'd have expected.

Night Shift: I want to do a full review on Stephen King's first short story collection, but just wanted to say that this may be some of his best work (even if it some of his earliest). The stories aren't as diverse as the ones in Skeleton Crew, but he brings the usual great dose of character development along with genuine scares. I read a few of the stories right before bed, and I found myself a little less comfortable laying in the dark and much more perceptive to the sounds around me. The collection is over 30 years old, but still just as scary and fun as ever.

The Walking Dead: An amazing first half of the season, and they really left us with a hell of a cliff-hanger. I'm intrigued to see what type of fall out there will be from Shane's complete meltdown. I'm assuming the crew will be kicked out on the road now, but there is likely going to be even more tension among them. I love the friction that is building among many members, and think that interplay is even more interesting than all the dead folks walking around. The character development in this series is phenomenal and some of the better storytelling that has ever been on TV. The final twist at the end was predictable, but still incredibly heartbreaking. It was the ending you didn't want, but now it will have some interesting implications for some of the characters like the mom and Darryl (who was so sure the girl was okay). The show starts up again in February, and I recommend you to catch up before then if you haven't seen this great series yet.

6. We've gone to all the prenatal classes. We've bought most of the pressing baby supplies. We're now almost in week 38. It is pretty crazy to realize that I could end up being a daddy any time over the next few weeks (or even days). During a time when people are counting down to Christmas, the holidays are hardly on my radar as I continue to focus on the due date of January 4th (which admittedly, is nothing more than a number when it comes to baby). I'm getting asked on a daily basis if I am excited, and the answer is 'yes' but it also can be pretty overwhelming at times. I am one apt for drama and theatrics, and becoming a father may be the ultimate in emotional roller coasters. Any time I get worried, I just put my hand down to the belly for a 'high five', and I'm reminded how much I already love and adore that little person in there.

7. I like pie.

A Friday Night Engagement with Ancient Pay Phones, Large Murals and Rice Pudding: A Fan Requested Blog Post

2011-12-18T08:11:00.005-05:00

I do reader requests for blog posts! Here is the evidence that I'm always willing to listen to my blog readers, and compile a post especially for them - just because they demanded it.

Or at least, it is proof that I'm willing to do it once, and then exploit it out of an attempt to get more reader feedback. It is one of the two.

In this case, this request came after I was wine and dined by some good friends, and they then requested that I review the experience. Since they were kind enough to pay for a meal and provide excellent company, I've decided the best repayment is to do my review of the restaurant we dined at (the wine of choice was actually a glass of water).

I am not going to mention the name of this establishment because I don't want to harm local business if it is obvious they're meeting a need (but if they aren't. . . ). It seems like this little restaurant is doing a rather booming job of providing joy and cheer in the form of dinners to a certain demographic. I am more than willing to admit that I clearly was not the intended demographic of this place of dining. Besides, this restaurant has been a Brantford institution for 50 years, so who am I to soil its prestigious name.

After entering the establishment, I can see that it has been around for 50 years, because I'm not sure they've done much redecorating since. First of all, the restaurant actually had pay phones, which is something my child will think belongs in the history books along with horse drawn carriages and Abraham Lincoln. Especially these pay phones that I'm pretty sure were installed before the grand opening of the restaurant and may be more around for novelty sake. Though their main customers may not have silly things like cell phones and actually see a need for the pay phones -- though these particular phones may need to be started by a crank.

As for the dining room, it has wall paper if that gives you any kind of idea of the atmosphere and look. It also had a big ginormous mural that takes up an entire wall. It reminds me of something I'd have found in my grandma's basement or maybe in the games room of a retirement home. Actually, the entire restaurant sort of reminded me of spending an evening in my grandma's finished basement -- if my grandma's basement has several dining room sets, provided a buffet, and had numerous servers rushing about the place. Which it didn't -- for the record.

In case you haven't been able to figure out the main demographic of this fine establishment then I'll drop my final hint by letting you know that dinner starts being served promptly at 4:30. It appears people are actually there for dinner at 4:30. I'm going to say the place seems to pack it with its target patrons. The place also becomes a ghost town at around 6:30 when all the customers shuffle off to their Bingo games, I assume.

But what about the food of this fine restaurant, you ask? Well, I will answer.

I ordered the Christmas Special, because it is near Christmas and I felt like being special. It came with a Soup of the Day, a turkey dinner with all the fixings (fixings seems like the proper word to use when describing a restaurant like this), and a Dessert of the Day.

We'll start with the soup, because this is what they served first. Now, I've always been under the misunderstanding that soup usually contained a liquid substance in it. Or maybe I just need to learn to redefine my version of what is liquid. Ketchup can be a liquid, right? If you answered yes, then this was definitely soup. I'm not saying that ketchup was actually used in this 'soup', but while I was mowing it down, I did call it 'Ketchup Noodle Soup.' I've again always been deluded enough to believe that 'Ketchup Noodle Soup' was something better left to a 4 year who sneaked into the kitchen to make a wonderful masterpiece for dinner while mommy was napping. Or it may also have been something that would be a Tuesday night special for starving University students who've run out of a grocery budget and aren't willing to cut into the beer fund.

Whatever you may associate 'Ketchup Noodle Soup' with, I definitely don't put in the category of 'fine dining'. Or really any kind of dining that I pay a sum of money to be made a meal. But again, I'm not the target demographic of this place and maybe 'Ketchup Noodle Soup' was the meal that swept the nation back in the 30s, and this place was trying to rustle up some fond memories of very happy days of overcooked noodle and super thick ketchup like stuff. If that was the goal then congratulations, because I was wishing I was in a different decade too -- one where I wasn't consuming 'Ketchup Noodle Soup', though.

Forget the soup, because it soon came time for my turkey dinner. It consisted of turkey (duh), mashed potatoes, stuffing (though the menu and my grandma would prefer me to call it dressing), peas, and really thick gravy. Sounds like yum!

Now, if I was Emily or any kind of real food critic, I'd probably go on about how the turkey was dry and the potatoes lacked the creaminess of real homemade potatoes. But I am not my wife (this isn't a Heinlein novel after all) and I'll never be the worlds most sought after food critic. Instead, I rate my food based off the 'Scarfing It Down' scale. An incredibly scientific technique that looks at how quickly I shoved the food down my gullet and how much I stopped to think about what I actually put down there. This particular food had a very high scoring for mindless shoving it into my mouth without much thought.

I don't often put a lot of thought into what I'm actually eating. I am a very easy man to please as long as the food fills me and it usually has some form of meat in it. If it fits those types of requirements then I'm typically pretty happy. But there are certain foods that I eat and it will cause my taste buds to erupt into a mass celebration of dancing and cheering. I've had food that tastes just like the very magnificence that is riding a magical unicorn through the Gumdrop forest and over the Golden Bridge that leads to a castle of gleeful elves and massage giving yetis. So basically, the most fantastic of all food eating experiences.

This wasn't one of them.

This was the experience where the food went into my mouth, and my taste buds gently prodded it with spears and then declared, 'Yeah, this is probably food; let it through.'

I don't really like going to restaurants and paying my hard earned money for 'let it through' food experiences. I want my unicorn and yeti massages. Alas, it was not to be on this night. Yes, I got filled with meat and gravy, but no magic zoomed down into my belly and caused a night of uproarious glee. Nope, it was just kind of food.

Finally, I had myself some dessert. I like dessert. I like sweet and fattening. It is a great thing to stuff in the belly if you still have room, especially when it is included in the meal. This particular dessert was what some call rice pudding (and by 'some', I mean the type of people that know what rice pudding is). This rice pudding also had whipped cream, as well as cinnamon sprinkled over it. I liked the whipped cream. I ate the whipped cream. But when Emily asked me, "If you like the whipped cream so much, why are you leaving some of it behind?" My answer was simple. "If I try to scrap up that last bit, then I might accidentally get some more of that rice pudding."

So yeah, that is my review of the rice pudding.

Please don't get me wrong, I am sure the restaurant is a lovely place. If you're over 65 then I'm sure you'll find it wonderful (and by the way, also congratulations on turning on your computer and finding yourself here).

I also need to make it clear I had a lovely time. The company was fantastic. We ended up talking for almost an hour after the meal had been finished. There was laughing and cheering and mocking; all the things that must happen for a wonderful evening out. It was great.

It was so great that I am now willing to review the entire experience because one of my delightful friends made the request. So here it is, my review of the hottest restaurant in town for the over 65 years old folks.

Sorry, I've Been Away All Day; Have Yourself A Sleeping Dog Picture

2011-12-17T22:43:00.003-05:00

Totally free of charge. He looks kind of like how I currently feel.

RIP Christopher Hitchens 1949 - 2011

2011-12-16T09:02:00.006-05:00

Christopher Hitchens passed away last night. If you want a decent account of his life than you can read it here or even here. Those sites do a good enough job of breaking down some of the key moments of Hitchens' life and allow you to get to know the kind of writer and man he was in his life. I'm not going to give any detailed account of his life but rather reflect on what he meant to me.

I don't know when I first heard about Christopher Hitchens, but I do remember when I first came across his book God is Not Great. I was shocked and intrigued by a title that was incredibly upfront and biting. I knew this clearly was the book of a man who wasn't about to mince words and was ready to shake people out of their comfort zone. There was no fear of offending, but rather, the title was aiming to do just that. I grabbed the book, and quickly skimmed through it. I only glossed over the book for nothing more than 5 minutes, but I still was able to notice that biting wit and elegant prose. The book was written by a talented and intelligent man, even if I knew many wouldn't agree with his agenda. I was tempted to purchase the book, but then I chickened out from the fear that the wrong person may come across the book on my coffee table. This was 2008 Christopher, and now in 2011, I know I will eventually buy the book -- I wish I had the guts then.

Despite not buying the book, I did quickly go home and did some good old fashion Google searching. I came across a plethora of essays written by him and video clips of interviews/debates. I was quickly drawn to this incredibly intellectual, witty, humorous, engaging, controversial man. I read and watched many things that I didn't agree with, but I was always entertained and challenged to think. He did hold many controversial opinions, but he was always able to back them up with well thought out arguments supported by history or social science. It is easy to be controversial or argumentative, but it takes real skill to do it with wit, humour, and elegance. I am pretty sure even his biggest critics will admit he was an entertaining, funny, and smart man.

I think most people knew who Christopher Hitchens was, or at least, they had heard about him in passing. I am fearful that many religious folks are going to choose to remember him as the man who constantly threw venom towards their beliefs. I am not denying he was a strong anti-theist, and often wrote many works opposing religion. If you look for him on YouTube, you'll likely find most the videos have to do with him debating religion in some way. It is a disservice to his legacy to only remember him in that way (not that I have any control over how you choose to reflect upon him -- even if you choose to do such a thing at all). He was a writer and a lover of literature. He had an incredible knowledge of both politics and history. He has written biographies on some of the most crucial historical figures (such as Thomas Paine, Thomas Jefferson, and George Orwell). His written works span across a wide variety of subjects. The man was well read, and knew how to write entertaining prose on almost any subject. I prefer to remember him as one of the great writers of modern time rather than just an atheist.

I have read a large amount of his works and watched several of his television appearances. I have to admit that many of his opinions have influenced some of the changes in my beliefs over the last several years. I appreciate that he has challenged me and forced me to think about many things I took for granted. But I also know there are several things that I completely disagreed with him on. Hitchens was an evangelical atheist, in many ways. He would tour across the world letting everyone know the evils of religion, especially the Muslim belief (though in the States, he spent just as much time bashing the Christian belief). He seemed to believe there was almost no value in being religious and that it was a harmful delusion. This is a point that I was never able to agree with him about, and I've always had a strong problem with the recent New Atheist drive. I think it was a great waste of his talents, because in the end, he was never going to be able to successfully convert all religious people. I don't think it would have brought the great results that he assumed it would have, either. Instead, it caused him to be seen as a villain among many religious folks, and thus they were less willing to hear the valuable things he had to say.

I believe he could have still presented his opinions and challenged people to think, without dragging along the strong anti-theist slant. Of course, that wasn't who he was. I wonder if he took a different approach, if more people would have been willing to listen. I believe one can still be Christian or Muslim or Hindu, and be able to get value from what Hitchens was trying to say. He was a huge proponent of equality, free speech, and intellectualism. He wanted people to think for themselves, and not mindlessly make decisions just because they believed some higher power told them to do it. He wanted people to question their beliefs and ask why they do what they do. His problem was that people would use religion to justify bigotry and hatred and war and pure stupidity. He preached for a noble cause, but I think his venom caused many to not be able to see his actual message. He obviously was either unaware or too stubborn to recognize that a person can keep their faith but also be intellectual and willing to question things.

I may not have agreed with his approach, but at the same time, I can respect it to some degree. Hitchens was honest. He didn't pull punches. You never wondered what he thought about something. His writing was always straight to the point, and you could walk away knowing exactly what he believed. As a writer, I can respect the fact he didn't hide anything, and I feel that was what made him such a great writer. You need to be honest with yourself, and you need to try to be as open as possible. Hitchens was most definitely those things. He was not afraid of how people would perceive him and he constantly dug to find the 'truth'. You may not agree with his version of the truth, but I know it was what he really believed. I think he got to his conclusions honestly. I can learn a lot from his honesty and lack of fear of public opinion. I believe such an approach makes you a better and more authentic writer.

I'll miss Christopher Hitchens. I'll actually miss him very much. The good thing is that his works will live on. His writing material will remain. I will always be able to remember him through his great prose. He has been a big influence on me as a writer, and hope I can even get 5% of the success he was able to achieve. More importantly, I hope I can honour him by becoming a more honest and authentic writer.

A Totally Random and Fictional Conversation Between Two Men

2011-12-15T09:04:00.003-05:00

"Man, you've got to hate this downpour. But at least it isn't that awful white stuff, eh."

"I don't mind the snow. I've got a big dog that loves to run through the stuff, and the kids remain entertained for hours by making snow men and snow forts. Plus it is nice to have for Christmas."

"Yeah, it sure beats this rain, eh?"

"Yep."

"The conditions are optimal for me to test out my fully constructed Battle Snow Walker. I made it by fishing through the dumpster of a bunch of hardware stores, and mashing it with several toys I stole from neighbourhood kids."

"What?"

"I'm not waiting for the bus, you know."

"Okay."

"I'm waiting for a girl. Yeah, she's real nice. She probably has friends, you know."

"I'm not really looking, bud."

"Oh, I know. I know. I'm just saying she probably has friends. It is nice to have friends."

"Sure is."

"So, I see you like coffee."

"Yeah, that is why I chose to buy a cup then proceeded to drink of its contents."

"I don't just make fully constructed Battle Snow Walkers. I've got tons of other huge projects."

"I believe you."

"I'm also making an Ultra Boat Soar Blaster. It is a boat that flies. I just need to get a job so I can buy a boat."

"Hmmm."

"I've also made Super Sonic X-Ray Glasses and a Super Shrink Device."

"Huh."

"I also like to lick tombstones and roll around in the dump."

"So, I think this girl must be on one of these buses coming in."

"I bet I could totally turn one of these buses into an Electro Saurus Transmorpher."

"I don't understand these words."

"So, are you going to work?"

"Yeah."

"I need a job. Problem is nothing in this town meets my super skills and awesome abilities."

"That is too bad man. Hey, maybe your girl is on that bus that just came in."

"Probably."

"You better go check, because you shouldn't leave her waiting. Women don't like waiting."

"Hey, you said you have kids right?"

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, yeah. You said they like to play in the snow. Man, I totally like to play in the snow too -- with my inventions. Maybe your kids will need a babysitter -- I had one before so I totally know what to do."

"Nope, no kids."

"You ever eat the hair of other people?"

"Look, I got to. . ."

"Can you do me a favour?"

"My bus is here man. I need to. . . "

"This girl I'm meeting sometimes likes to pretend she doesn't know me. I was wondering if you could go talk to her -- you know, like distract her -- then I'll come from behind and. . . "

"You know what, man. You're sick. You're really sick. And if you don't leave here right now. . . "

"Ha ha ha. I'm just kidding man. I was just trying to freak you out."

"Alright. I really need to catch my bus."

"But seriously, if you ever find yourself in a cemetery. . . "

21 Really Bad Gift Ideas

2011-12-14T09:47:00.002-05:00

I don't know your loved ones, so I can't tell you what to get them for the holidays. One person may rave about a new set of knitting needles, while I'd just wonder why you got me a pair of sharp chopsticks. I'm not going to tell you what is the perfect gift for your special someone, because I'll likely be wrong.

But I will tell you some gifts that you might want to avoid this holiday season if you want to keep relationships healthy.

1. The Black Plague (sure, it was all the rage in Europe, but that was so long ago -- times change)
2. An eviction notice
3. Mike Tyson's Greatest Hits -- personally delivered by Tyson via his fists
4. A gremlin
5. A floppy disk drive
6. A stuffed puppy -- an actual puppy. . . stuffed
7. An all-inclusive weekend getaway at Guantanamo Bay
8. Pauly Shore
9. Reusable toilet paper
10. A year subscription to "Things I Find Between My Feet Monthly"
11. 40 year old cursed Twinkie
12. Yak fat
13. Nude Playing Cards -- of Carrot Top
14. Self-loathing
15. Socks -- freshly used during a marathon run
16. Elephant Man rides
17. Collector’s Edition DVD of "The Dick Cheney & Friends Comedy Hour"
18. Scurvy
19. A homemade coupon giving the recipient the right for one full day to do chores at your house
20. A "Sheryl Crow Covers Sheryl Crow" Album
21. This list

I Scrapped The Post I Was Writing, So Let's Have Some Muppets Instead

2011-12-13T09:06:00.004-05:00

I was actually several hundred words into a blog post today, until I realized I was absolutely bored with writing it. If I was having a hard time getting through it, then I don't want to imagine the horror you would experience trying to slog through my dredge. So, I did the whole highlight and delete routine, and it is now eternally stuck into the writer's abyss. I am pretty sure that is where it belongs.

Since I've now have effectively wasted several precious minutes of my morning, I've voted against attempting another length blog post. Instead, I'll resort to the always classic standby of MUPPETS! Because they're trendy now thanks to the movie, and well, they're always awesome, anyway.

This is remix/cover of The Muppet Show Theme Song that is done by OK GO. This has apparently been out for a few years now, but sometimes I'm too busy chasing squirrels with fuzzy tails to notice certain pop culture phenomenons. The actual song is pretty good, but it is the video that is pure Muppet magic. It has the classic humour and it is just a lot of fun. It actually makes me really wish they would greenlight a new The Muppet Show

For This Football Fan, the Groin Kicks Keep on Coming

2011-12-12T10:28:00.003-05:00

I was dreading yesterday's game against the Denver Broncos. The sports gods haven't been too kind to the Bears the last few weeks, and I had a sinking feeling the fortunes weren't about to be reversed.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Only a few weeks ago, I believed that the Bears were not only destined for a playoff spot, but they had built the kind of momentum that was making them a dark horse candidate for a run straight to the Super Bowl. The Bears have always had a strong defensive line and an amazing specials team, but it was the offensive side that was finally beginning to click and look really strong. They weren't just squeaking out wins, but they were racking up a decent pile of points.

Then Cutler got hurt. Right when he was really bringing the entire offensive side of the team together and it looked like they had created an unbreakable system. It made the future look a little less shiny with Cutler rooted to the sidelines for what is assumed to be the rest of season, but I also had faith that we were stilled filled with several more superstars.

Then Matt Forte got hurt last week. This is a bigger blow than Cutler. I know you don't want to lose your starting QB, who is often considered the leader of the offensive side of things. But you definitely don't want to say good bye to the guy who has provided over 50% of your offensive output. That was Forte. That is a massive loss.

So, I dreaded Sunday's game where we were down two huge parts of our offensive package. I was dreading it more because we needed to win. We couldn't lose a third straight and drop down to 7-6, which would start making that wild card spot look a little distant. We definitely needed to win that game when our main competition the Lions and Falcons were able to win their games and go 8-5.

You know what; I started getting some hope when watching the game against Denver. Yes, by half time the game was stuck in the scoreless zone, but the team for the most part had been playing really well. Or at least, the defensive line was super strong (which usually is the case, but still. . . ). But I was haunted by the talking heads during half time, who kept saying this score makes it a Tim Tebow kind of game. I wanted to ignore that because I knew they were right. But then again, upsets exist because experts can be wrong.

When it was 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter, it was looking like the experts might be wrong. Bears were up 10-0, and they just needed to run down the clock to win this thing. The second half saw amazing performances from the Bears' special teams (Robbie Gould set a franchise record with a 57 yard field goal) and the very best was demonstrated from the tough Bears' defensive line (not allowing the Broncos to make much progress on the field). Even Marion Barber was doing a fine job of being the Forte replacement, and giving the Bears not only some yards but their only touchdown.

But then things fell apart.

Now, I know it can be annoying to hear an unathletic, "can't even play competitively against 12 year olds', after the fact, wannabe coach dish out how he would have won this game. But I've given up the whole avoiding to be annoying thing a long time ago. I disagree with the Bears' final ten minutes of offensive strategy. They basically decided to play it really conservative and run out the clock, while relying on the strong defensive team to hold down the Broncos. You know what, it can be a fine strategy, but it can also be a dangerous one when the game is still really close. It only would take the Broncos two good drives to win the game.

The problem is that the Broncos have started mastering the art of the fourth quarter comebacks. They've done it so much that if I was a Broncos fan, I'd just tune in for the fourth and watch how my team was going to make a miraculous comeback this week.

In my very non-expert opinion, I think the Bears should have made at least some effort to get some more point on the board. There should have been a bit of urgency to create a little larger of a cushion. To either force the Broncos to need to make three drives for victory or at least make two touchdowns.

I realize, in my magical scenario that things may not have gone any better. Hanie may have thrown an interception or someone may have fumbled (just like in the real world OT). There is a risk to playing it safe. But the advantage with my scenario is we will never know if I am right, and if the Bears could have got a few more points up there. I can sit in my magical world of bliss, and pretend Hanie did the unimaginable and threw a 45 yard zinger and brought the Bears up to 17 points. It is a nicer thought than what happened.

Bears played it safe, and relied on their defense. Tebow then did his fourth quarter comeback magic, and scored a touchdown with less than four minutes to go. Even then, Bears still had the lead, and things were still looking very likely they would win this thing.

But then Barber made a monumental mistake. Now, I don't want to rage on Barber, because I like him and he has played well this year. But with less than 2 minutes in the game, the goal was now to run out that clock and avoid Broncos ever touching that ball again. The Bears has been able to force Broncos to use up all their time outs, and with the right strategy, the Bears had the chance to run down that clock with their final three plays. They just had to make sure the clock would not stop.

Then Barber ran out of bounds. Going out of bounds stops the clock. Now, I realize Barber didn't run out but was sort of tackled out, but he never should have been near the sideline. Goal number one was to keep that clock ticking.

I'm not an unbiased sports site, so I don't need to tell you anymore. I don't need to recount anymore of the 'miracle' comeback. I just want to say that this game was a raging fireball to the gut and about 73 ninja kicks to the groin.

In my biased opinion, it sucked. So there.

I'm now shifting away from my optimistic view of the Bears' future this season, and dreading that my child-to-be will enter into a world that the Bears are settling into playing golf in January. What an awful place to enter into.

Please Bears, for the sake of my unborn child, you must win all your games from this point forward. My child deserves to know this is a place where the Bears are in the playoffs and dreams are a reality.

Cutler and Forte, we need you guys. We can win this thing without you, but life is full of a few more happy dolphins when you're playing and doing those wonderful things you do.

Bears can still be playoff bound.

But we sure can't have any games like this weekend. It isn't kind to pandas.

Here is the Type of Emails I Write

2011-12-11T11:02:00.002-05:00

Of course, if we already are regular email correspondents then you know the type of prose I zoom into your inbox. Actually, if you've read this blog for any amount of time then you also probably have a rough idea of how I likely converse with my family friends. But just in case you thought I was just a goof for the sake of this blog, here is the email I sent after my lovely wife had pushed that I get around to composing a Christmas List for the family (and her).

Ok Fine. . . Here is my Christmas List. . .

Hi Family,

Apparently, Emily didn't want to follow the trend and throw my list in with her assortment of desires.

In my old age, I've come to dread almost nothing more than having to compose a Christmas Wish List. This along with my thinning head of hair and disdain for late night outs shows I’ve passed by my blessed younger years. Yes, I once did enjoy composing an epic list of Christmas wants, but I also once had a reason to own a comb or want to have a fully booked weekend. Things apparently change. But despite my moaning and groaning, here is my attempt at some kind of acceptable Christmas Wish List. Feel free to completely ignore it or use it to line a hamster cage (in case you're expecting to become the proud owner of a hamster or want a place to keep an unruly but tiny guest - like an elf).

1. I really like novels, books, movies, and similar type things. This means you can either go the gift card route, or you can try your luck and buy something I don't own (or just ask Emily if I have it yet or not). For novels, I like almost anything, but tend be drawn to material with quirky characters or odd scenarios (but I'm also a sucker for any classic works). As for non-fiction books, again I'm happy with a variety of things, but I especially enjoy a well written book that analyzes historical periods or anything philosophical (I also like books that analyze the impact of pop culture on a time period). I don't own Freakonomics (hint hint) and I'm a fan of Malcolm Gladwell too. As for movies, I like anything that is considered culturally significant and again, I'm easy to please. I also like memorabilia related to significant pop culture history (Emily gave me a calendar of several old school Star Wars film posters and I was giddy for about 25 minutes afterwards). You also may have heard, but I'm a Bears fan -- stuff about them never gets spat on.

2. Gift certificates to places that may motivate me to go on a date with my beautiful wife is never ever an evil thing by any means. I don't need those things to tell me to go on a date, but it's always nice to have a beautiful evening with a little less impact on the bank account (hint: my birthday gift of a cinema gift card was lovely and spiffy all at the same time).

3. I know we have a lot of board games, but my Uncle Jebediah always said, "A house can never have too many board games." He also said that a ghost haunted his underwear drawer and that is why he always wore the same pair for 30 years -- so, you can't listen to everything he said.

4. There is this computer game by TellTale games called Monkey Island (Lucas Arts did four previous versions, but I own those already -- has to be the TellTale version). I wouldn't throw rotten cabbage at you if you bought me this game. I also like sports games, but I haven't done a lick of research of which ones are any good, plus I apparently have one at home that I haven't played since the first time it arrived here -- so you know, take that knowledge with you.

5. I always wanted an iPad. Well, not always. I didn't want the version that MADTV parodied in the early 2000s. I'm aware that iAnything didn't exist in the 80s -- when I liked composing Christmas lists. I also realize this is likely outside of everyone's budget, but in case you happen to find one lying on the sidewalk -- I'll take it.

6. PVR would be cool too. A baby is apparently coming to our house, and it likes getting attention and food and stuff. But when it sleeps, I can watch all the shows I missed, because you know, when you run your own business you have tons of time to watch TV. Though on the other hand, I may end up doing some entertainment work next year and will actually need to 'watch TV for work'. But anyway, like almost everything on this list, I haven't done any research and don't even know if you can get a PVR outside of what Rogers offers. So, I sort of understand if you think, 'this is way too much work and way more money than socks -- I'm getting socks with flowers on them instead.' I agree with you, but try to refrain from getting the ones with flowers -- I'm allergic to vegetation.

7. Clothes aren't the worse thing in the world. Though, I now have a job where looking spiffy is only occasionally necessary. My current fellow office occupants don't seem to care how I dress as long as I remember to scratch them behind the ears -- they may be a little different than the type you're used to working with.

8. Money is good. I can use it to procure goods or services that I desire. Or if I get enough, I can fashion a money tent where I can provide shelter to squirrels or a lorax for the winter.

9. Brevity.

10. Or you can just ask Emily. She probably has a better idea of what I want or what I actually need. I tend to forget the things that I ask about or wish I had when put under pressure -- I forgot I wanted a camera until I got it for my Birthday and was like, 'awesome, I really wanted this." So yeah, ask her. She also won't ramble on like I do nor throw in useless information like fictional Dr. Seuss creatures or pudding.

I wanted to make my list a top ten, because I secretly aspire to be David Letterman or something. I achieved that, so I feel my job here is done. This also may have successfully convinced you to just ignore me this Christmas, and give my money to a charity or a gypsy.

Anyway, hope you all have fun with what you choose to do this rather cold weekend.

Christopher

The First (Real) Snowfall of the Season

2011-12-09T10:27:00.009-05:00

We had white chunky snow-like stuff a week ago, but it hit the ground and disappeared -- so not a Southern Ontario snowfall. But today, these suckers seem to at least plan to be around until lunch time, so that is enough for me to declare the first snowfall of the winter.

And what does this snowfall look like?

Well, like this.

It looks pretty and all, but what does the resident snow expert think about this?

But what does Crosby think about all this snow business?

"Why are you staring out the window when you could be feeding me instead?"

No Video; No Pictures; One Excuse

2011-12-08T13:22:00.002-05:00

The virus isn't in any rush to move on and see the world little (Earth is such a wonderful place; it really should explore it). So, my productivity level is still several grades below 100%, which means when I'm not sleeping I want to do the writing work that pays. Unless a miracle healing pops on over to my house in the next bit, you'll have to go entertain yourself elsewhere today.

How have your weeks been?